He abandonment It is one of the worst feelings a person can experience during their life. Frustration and anger are often combined with rage and helplessness in the face of this fact. The person hurt by abandonment rarely finds a simple explanation for such a fatality.
Abandonment not only has physical connotations. A person can be by your side throughout your life and still behave in a way distant about your feelings. The wounds caused by abandonment can be deep and difficult to heal, so you have to be ready to face the pain if you find yourself in such an unpleasant situation.
What is the abandonment wound?
Emotional abandonment is a concept recent In the field of psychology, there is no standard for measuring it, although it can currently be one of the factors used in consultations to assess personality.
The feeling of abandonment is a circumstance that, above all, is experienced and perceived during the childhoodThis is because it is the stage in which we are most vulnerable and we need a guardian (father, mother, grandmother…) to provide us with care, both physical and emotional.
Commonly people who receive a cold and uncaring treatment During childhood they develop avoidant attachment. This type of attachment is characterized by the avoidance of any commitment because their role models neglected their care during childhood. The lack of commitment will affect their friendships or relationships.
Key period: childhood
Childhood is the key stage for the development of each individual's personality. Phobias or traumas that we manifest in adulthood come from negative experiences suffered in the past. Wounds caused by abandonment and their consequences are not far behind: they usually have their origin in childhood.
Emotional abandonment is often present alongside other types of terrifying experiences such as physical abuseIt may also happen that adults imagine that their childhood was a happy and problem-free period. This feeling is a complete mirage that disappears when they begin to compare experiences with people around them.
Consequences of parental abandonment
The main consequences to highlight for people who did not receive emotional care are: low self-esteem and to ignore certain details of your life, which are important, but it is not what you were taught in your childhood.
- High emotional dependence: People with the abandonment wound present will develop relationships in which they are usually the dominated party in the relationship. They want to please everyone around them with the main objective of feeling accompanied.
- Fear of being abandoned again: This trait is inevitably associated with the previous characteristic. The last thing they want is to have to relive that bitter feeling. This can evolve into a toxic relationship. These types of people put a thousand band-aids on before leaving the relationship.
- Normalizing dangerous behaviors: It usually comes from the effects of self-esteem that this kind of people lack. They give themselves little importance and believe that they do not deserve the necessary care.
- State of constant surveillance: They have a thousand eyes on them everywhere. Each person's home is the safe space that each person has. It must be taken into account that for this type of people, the house was a cold and hostile place. If they have not known security in their own home, how are they going to feel it outside?
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Steps to heal the wound of abandonment
During childhood this flaw in the individual's personality can be resolved. If by any chance, a reference figure appears that covers and develops all your emotional capacities, you will be able to have a full adult life without consequences, in this sense.
There are ways to try to put an end to this abandonment trauma, although it would be ideal if these strategies can be accompanied by therapy. These are steps to review your actions and make a introspection exercise:
- Write your own diary: This step is informative. You will be able to read how you feel at different times and in different situations that you have experienced during the day. You will know what things make you happy, sad, scared…
- Talk to the child within you: It is a beneficial process. Put yourself in the shoes of that boy or girl to find the explanation for why you feel one way or another about certain situations.
- Increase your levels of self-esteem: Set small goals and increase your achievements gradually and gradually. This way, you will see that you have the ability to overcome obstacles and stand on your own two feet.
- Dedicate quality time to yourself: Don't get frustrated or feel guilty, you need to take a break. Breaks can serve as a source of energy for the next challenges ahead.
- Develop autonomy: Choose your own path, without depending on the opinions of others. If you fail, allow yourself to do so and gain all the experience possible from that mistake. Think of how simple the world would be if we could achieve everything we set out to do.
- Learning to trust: Once you have built up your self-esteem and self-confidence, you have to start looking at the outside world with different eyes. Not everyone is out to hurt you, far from it. You must learn to choose and open up to the people you want to be part of your inner circle.
The consequences of emotional abandonment during the most vulnerable period of our lives is a crater in the middle of our development. The lack of tools to connect and maintain these links will make us suffer the effects in the future relationships we establish.
In Psychia We offer the opportunity to put an end to the effects of emotional abandonment through online therapy.
Our psychologists are at your disposal to provide you with the necessary tools to solve your problems. Our ten years of experience and more than 1,600 patients support our methodology. Don't hesitate and try a free first session.