There are many people who expect their partner to guess what is happening to them and if they don't, they get angry. It may seem like a rather childish reasoning, but the truth is that it is more common than we think.
There are those who are not able to communicate assertively and opts for a passive attitude with which he expects his partner to discover what is happening to him. This can only be lead to frustration and disappointment because the existing concerns are compounded by the feeling that their partner does not understand them.
It is essential to be clear that love and relations are based on a good communicationput aside the “guessing” and focus on learning to share what is happening to you in a mature way.
If something happens to you or worries you, don't keep it to yourself, communicate and remember that your couple can't guess what's going on in your headKnowing how to communicate assertively is essential for the successful development of a relationship.
Why does my partner expect me to guess what's wrong with him?
Systematically resorting to “nothing is wrong with me”, “I'm fine” or “you know what” is a characteristic of a bad communication strategy and that hinders the development of any relationship.
People who tend to use this type of tag blame their partner and the They blame them for not understanding thembut the truth is that they are equally or more guilty for not expressing what worries them in a clear and mature way.
Resort to irony or a passive attitude and defensiveness does not help to solve your problems, but will become an obstacle within your relationship.
Although it may seem untrue, this type of behavior is more common than we think, but what drives these people to behave like this?
The problem of expectations
If this attitude becomes almost routine within your relationship, it may be because your partner has created some expectations too highalmost impossible, such as:
- Assuming that your partner should notice anything that makes you angry or upset because that's what your partner is for. The truth is that this is a very toxic attitude and it only leads to pain and frustration, because no, your partner cannot read minds and know what worries you or what is happening at all times. Put aside these childish ideas and communicate.
- The idealization of soul mates. Another dangerous expectation that many people have is the idea of soul mates and the connection you must have as a couple. This is a very romantic but unrealistic concept, because your partner is not in your head and does not know what worries you or what you are thinking about.
Lack of assertiveness and a tendency towards passivity
In the realm of relationships, it is not difficult to find passive people. That is, those who They make the minimum emotional effort and they choose to remain silent and not share their problems because they do not know how to do so or because of their defensive attitude.
In these cases, there is a clear lack of assertivenessThey are not able to express how they feel or what their concerns are, which is a big problem within a relationship, because as we have already mentioned, communication is essential.
They don't know how to express what's happening to them.
When we come across a person with this type of difficulty in expressing what is happening to them, it may be someone with poor communication skills and with low emotional intelligence.
What is the reason for this lack of communication?
As we all know, one of the keys to any healthy relationship is good communication. However, there are people who find it difficult and almost impossible to share their concerns with their partner. Why is this?
- Fear of vulnerability. There are many people who tend to associate vulnerability with weakness and are reluctant to share their concerns because they feel helpless and therefore do not «let their guard down» at any time.
- Poor emotional education. An adult's communication problems may have their origins in childhood and the upbringing they received. It is very difficult for a person to share their thoughts and concerns if no one allowed them to do so during their childhood.
- Lack of confidence. Many people are unable to share what worries them because they believe their partner will not understand them or they do not trust them even if they try.
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How to get my partner to open up and tell me what's going on
If your partner doesn't tell you what's wrong, you're likely to think that the problem isn't yours, but it's important to be clear that when faced with any setback in a relationship, the work must be done together:
- Avoid pressure. If you want to help your partner, make it clear that you are there for him or her, don't pressure him or her and, above all, don't criticize. Love is listening and trying to understand.
- Communicating is not synonymous with weakness. Your partner may think that if he opens up to you he is showing himself to be fragile and will feel helpless, so you must remind him that this is not the case. Sharing what he feels and communicating will enrich him.
- Say out loud what worries you. As we have already mentioned, we are not fortune tellers, so you must make your partner see that a good way to get rid of what worries him/her is by talking about it.
If you find yourself in this similar situation or know someone who is going through a similar one, you are looking for a psychologist specialized in online couples therapydo not hesitate to consult a professional.
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