Belonging to a group makes us happy and, conversely, being excluded makes us feel sad, but why?
From a biological point of view, we are gregarious beings, that is, we live in groups, like lions, and not alone, like tigers; that means that We are programmed to feel good about being accepted and bad about being excluded.. This is why we feel so driven to belong to groups, be they academic, religious, economic, artistic, political, etc.
“When I prayed alone I felt loneliness and anguish, and I felt a spiritual call in my heart. When I met the Legion (a prayer group) I learned that when you pray in company you have more power so that God listens to us”, says Stella, who belongs to a religious group.
And it is that according to research from Purdue University, in Indiana (United States), published in the journal ‘Psychological Science’, we need to perceive that we are part of a group or that we are connected to others, and that feeling of belonging can come in different ways: joining a club, interacting with neighbors or maintaining eye contact with a stranger, among others. In addition, the need to remain in connection with other people is so strong in humans that even being ignored by a stranger can make a person feel excluded and feel bad, reported the EFE Agency.
Although it is true that there are people who are not so social, they still belong to a group, even if they do not want it, they are citizens of a country and at least they are part of a work or family group. 100% lonely people are almost fiction. Among the true solitaries we could find hermits, ascetics, and other people who voluntarily isolate themselves for religious or philosophical reasons.
Of course, the opposite is also the case. people who hate belonging to groups and feel much better being alone. “Every time I belonged to a group, whether it was a sports team, a choir, or a group of colleagues, I left with a broken heart, because there was always someone who found something to criticize me for, even if I took care of my behavior to the millimeter and planned and what to say and how to say it. So I decided to simply stop having friends. My social circle is reduced to my family and my co-workers, with whom I avoid relating on a social level”, Angela confesses.
“It is now very fashionable to diagnose children or young people who do not want to belong to groups as suffering from social anxiety, a disorder that, although it exists, cannot be diagnosed lightly. One reason why people stop belonging to groups is because they have had bad experiences, or simply because they are very self-confident individuals, who have a rich inner life and feel good surrounded by few people with whom they have very close ties“, explains the psychologist and therapist of children and adolescents André Didyme-Dome.
To you, Do you like to belong to groups or not? Share your answers with Vibra!
*The names of the testimonials have been partially withheld to protect their identity.