Love Hurts. It hurts over and over and over and over again. Several people have declared with great certainty that we have had enough of that poison, that everyone is the same, that we were not born for love and a long list of excuses to try to surrender to what should be a wonderful experience. Surely we are doing something wrong, we may think; but the fact is that love is a gift of life and worth experiencing in the best way. We share with you some of the reasons why you may feel that you are doing really badly in love.
you assume too much
We tend to make judgments all the time. That if such a person is such a thing, that if my partner is seeing the waitress too much, that she no longer loves me as before, that she does not answer the message because she is cheating on me. Does it sound familiar to you? All this noise comes from the ego and manifests itself in fears and insecurities. The good news is that these ideas are false, are based only on our personal context, and cause harm to others and to ourselves. How to stop it? Imagine that thoughts are only real if they are based on love, so you can distinguish when it is your ego making judgments of true intuition.
Related note: The death of the ego in psychedelic experiences and in mystical rites
you’re not sure what you want
Before embarking on a relationship, it is recommended that you be clear about what you expect from her. That is, what makes you feel comfortable. If we are clear about what we consider good for us, it will be easier to detect when you don’t feel good with the other. Remember, these preferences are personal and must be respected, at the same time that the preferences of the other must be respected.
More on the topic: Subjectivity: you can’t see a mind, you can only be a
you are too sure of what you want
It seems contradictory to the previous point, but it is not. The ideal is to reach a balance between what is expected of the other and what the other really is. There is no use going through life with a mold of the perfect love hoping to find the person who fits perfectly in it. Learn to receive what your partners can give, but don’t forget to set your own limits. You will see that this will avoid several problems that can occur when someone is idealized.
It may interest you: No is no: basic points about sexual consent
you don’t communicate
When you are clear about what you expect and what you do not expect from a relationship or have identified what you agree with and what you do not agree with your partner, communicate. This point is key because, although it seems simple, it is usually the engine of various problems. Be clear with your ideas, learn to listen and respect the ideas of the other and try to reach an agreement that is based on love.
It’s not how it’s supposed to be
Part of this idealization occurs because of a cultural pressure on what love should be. For example, he should text me at 6:00 am every day to hope I have a nice day or he should stop seeing his friends to go out with me, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t love me. But no, love is a personal and free experience. Do not compare what you feel with what you see in the mass media and even with what you see on social networks. Remember that there everyone exposes the best of themselves, although this is not necessarily real.
Continue with: This is why social media can get us down
you give too much importance
Of course love is something beautiful and of course a loss hurts. It is okay to live the experiences of a relationship with sincerity. However, remember that the spirit is infinite and that the presence of a person in your life can be temporary without this being wrong. Nothing is forever and everything passes.
3 tips to practice detachment in your relationships
Loving relationships are an intense mixture of feelings, but do not abandon yourself in them. Know yourself and enjoy every day as if it were a movie you are watching. Pay attention to how your life has changed over time, and remember that the flow never stops. So don’t take bad experiences as something personal or permanent, rather take advantage of every opportunity to improve as a person and to elevate your spirit.
Illustration by Agnes Cecile