What to do when you recognize yourself as a «toxic» person

Following the previous articles on “toxic” relationships and Profiles of “toxic” people and how to deal with them, we have received various comments from people who have recognized themselves as “toxic” and whose question was how they could get out of this situation.

Therefore, if you have identified yourself as one of the types mentioned in the second article on “toxic” people, this is already the first step to changing and becoming what is called a nourishing or “nutritious” person.

Let's try to do the exercise again, Check if we are a “toxic” or “nutritious” person”.

“Toxicity” can manifest itself in various ways; looking down on others, fits of rage and/or anger over trivial matters, speaking in an inflexible and dogmatic manner, complaining excessively, ridiculing others… All of this causes people in the environment, whether family, work, or social, to feel uncomfortable, frustrated, guilty or angry because of the presence of said “toxic” person.

Besides, “Nurturing” people are those who act as a kind of magnet, they become irresistible to others because of their personality and their environment, they feel valued, appreciated and respected in their presence.

Can we say that “nourishing” people are “special”? No, they simply have developed more social skills as well as empathy, so it is easier for them to identify the positive and negative emotions of other people, without needing to be the center of attention in a conversation. In addition, their way of communicating is more assertive as opposed to that of “toxic” people, who tend to be aggressive, passive, and when they are assertive, it is to use the techniques of the same name that allow them to criticize others.

“Nurturing” people They are more authentic, honest with themselves and with others and usually have a high social intelligence (remember that we are working in the model of multiple intelligences, one of which is social intelligence) which makes them more inclined to make positive comments, constructive criticism, recognize the success of others, suggest, give sincere opinions, negotiate and, normally, convince because they do not try to impose their ideas or get angry if they are not accepted.

If we get here, We continue to identify ourselves as a “toxic” person We will take into account that any attitude contrary to that described when speaking of “nutritious” peoplewill only serve to remove from your life people who, at some point, could or could have been important to you.

Just like any other patient, there is an important and almost unavoidable step, and that is wanting to really change. If you are really unhappy with your behavior because you think it only serves to isolate you and make you angry, then you should change before the consequences of your behavior in your interpersonal relationships affect you, generating anxiety, above all.

1.- Think about the “toxic” behaviors you use most frequently and if you have the necessary resources to change, that is, patience, tolerance, assertiveness, empathy,…

You need to find out if you would be able to change, by yourself, your way of relating to others in such a way that you could have greater self-control, social skills or assertive communication, instead of aggressive or passive. If you don't think you can do it by yourself, consult an online psychologist so that they can help you become a «nourishing» person with all the quality of life benefits that this would bring you.

2.- Think about your personality that has been formed by everything accumulated in terms of experiences, education, habits, customs, feelings, values, etc. and that is what, in turn, produces your behavior; that is, if at a certain time in your life, you have suffered a lot, what this causes is that you see yourself as defensive and distant. However, surely, a lot of time has passed, and it is not necessary for you to continue maintaining the same attitude that, at the time, served to protect you but now causes you pain again.

3.- Listen Pay close attention to others and try to stop yourself from saying the first thing that comes to mind. It is not more important than what others say, but just as important, and you never have to all agree, and vice versa. The most important thing is to listen, think about what is most important to you, and speak, knowing that all points of view serve to enrich us.

4.- Learn to laugh: Stop taking everything so seriously and practice laughter therapy. You will release endorphins and feel better. You will be on the verge of achieving your change when you have learned to laugh at yourself and your negative way of seeing things.

5.- Be more flexiblewith yourself and with others. Everything can be done differently; changing what you have for breakfast, going to work by another route, saying things differently, etc., to give some examples. If you give yourself the opportunity to discover other ways, you lose nothing but you can gain a lot; to start with, the perception of your image by those around you.

6.- Practice self-criticism frequently; do not do to others what you would not want done to you.

The result of all this will be that you will enjoy life more and the people in your family, work and social environment will get closer to you. Thus, you will have gone from being a “toxic” person to a “nourishing” one which makes life pleasant for others, initiating an internal process of continuous change.

Once you have reached this point, it is very possible that you will recognize a “toxic” person in your environment; explain your experience to them so that they can go through their own process of change, otherwise, the “toxicity” could spread to your environment and cause a relapse.

Likewise, there may be people with mixed “toxic” and “nutritive” characteristics Or, on the other hand, that once the change to a “nourishing” person has occurred, one has “nourishing” relationships with some people but cannot avoid having “toxic” relationships with others.

However, it is up to you to know how to choose “nourishing” people, with relationships that nourish you and allow you to nourish others and, at the same time, stay away from “toxic” people who generate “toxic” relationships, which only produce toxicity in the family, work and social environment.