When we are hurt or disappointedwe have the feeling of falling into a bottomless pit which is difficult for us to escape from. However, suddenly, we see light, since we find ourselves and with the strength rebuilt to move forwardto make up for all our disappointments and make us a better version. In the end, it's all about evolve to overcome the various tests that life puts before us.
I know, at some point in our lives, we have all felt disappointed, as the things we expected did not turn out that way. Even so, we are all beings full of strength, and We have the necessary capacity to transform everything we think we can't do and win.
Disappointment is a common feelinghas many faces and can be very painful. So much so that when we are disappointed, we feel quite bad. It is true that time heals everything, or so they say, but in these situations it is essential to understand the way in which we must heal ourselves and heal all those scars that have formed. For this reason, it is important apply various strategies and avoid sinking into a dead end circle when we feel pain, which comes from someone who has done something to us that we did not expect.
If you don't know how to do it, from Psychia We tell you what it consists of and we offer you the Keys to combat itFor more information continue reading this post.
What is disappointment?
Experts point out that disappointment refers to a emotion, a way of sadnessa feeling of loss, discomfort or pain between the expectations we had set and reality that we have to face.
When we assume that there is something we must have in order to feel satisfaction or happiness, it is easier for disappointment to set in. Although it is a hateful feelingthe experiences that people who disappoint us bring to us, They offer valuable information about the opinions we have of ourselves and of others, and that that's what really matters.
What can cause disappointment?
Disappointment is born like the result of a fact that is not in line with expectations or thoughts that we had and what happens in reality. This may happen because the expectations we had were too high. Sometimes they may be more or less reasonable, but Not all people have the same patterns and not all people have to adhere to them, that is, each person we behave according to our expectationswe do not follow those of others.
The disappointments that occur in a manner successive They may be the consequence of a illogical standard or cognitive distortionsIf we find ourselves in this situation, the fundamental thing is to study our thoughts and try modify the standards of ideas through cognitive restructuring.
Types of disappointment
Family disappointment
Two variables can be distinguished:
- When our parents disappoint us: This situation occurs when we feel abandoned, as we have the feeling that our parents do not give us everything we need emotionally. In this case, the offenses and scars can be very deep, as our parents have not satisfied our needs, and this is something we can carry with us throughout our lives.
Even though it is a complicated situation, we must think and put ourselves in their place, we must know that the circumstances that arise in life are not always easy. We must be aware that they also have limitations and wounds. In this sense, it is essential to be empathetic and accept things, since each of us acts as we can.
- When our descendants do not meet expected expectations: It is possible that disappointment is greater when a family member disappoints us rather than someone else. We live surrounded by a culture in which the family has a great weight, since they are the foundation that supports us when everything goes wrong. It seems that they are the only ones who are always willing to help us, since the bonds that unite us can be very strong, but sometimes they can also be broken.
Parents always tend to set very high expectations of their children, they have the confidence and desire that when they grow up they will be the best or, at least, that they should try. There is no doubt that our parents always want the best for us. However, we ourselves know what is best for us, and we have the full right to decide and establish the path we want to follow to reach complete satisfaction and happiness.
For this reason, sometimes we make decisions that our parents do not agree with because they do not like it or they think it is not the best for us. In this context, many people, in order not to disappoint them, decide to take the path that their parents indicate and the only thing they do is be unhappy. On the other hand, others decide to take their own path, without realizing that whatever they do, they are going to disappoint someone.
Disappointment among friends
Sometimes when we believe we have the support and trust of others, Our friends come and disappoint us.. Therefore, we begin to think that the value we gave to the relationship is not the same as what they gave it.. We therefore feel pain, sadness and even shock as we are faced with a situation we had not expected.
Understanding the actions of other people is a complicated task, and it is even more complicated to understand that a person we thought was real and important to us has hurt us. However, before making decisions In the face of these events, it is essential breathetake some time to calm down, think and make the decisionbecause if we do it impulsively we may do it based on emotions that we do not feel when we stop to think.
In this line, it is necessary ask yourself the following questions:
- What place in your life do you want that person to occupy?
- What lessons do you think you can learn from this situation?
- Do you think it is worth maintaining the relationship?
The answers to these questions will help you understand the type of friendship you have with that person, the value you place on it, and the depth of your friendship.
Disappointment in a couple
We often feel disappointed by our partners or ex-partners. In this context, it is essential to distinguish between two different variables:
- The general disappointment: refers to the impressions we have when things are not as we would like or expected them to be. There is a second voice in our mind that tells us: “This is not what I believed or expected or “Do things really have to be this way?”
- The specific one: It refers to the pain experienced when our partner does not display behaviors different from what we would like. For example, when they do not separate from their cell phone, or when they do not collaborate as we would like around the house.
Depending on the type of disappointment suffered, we will behave in one way or another. Therefore, it is important to ask ourselves the following questions:
- What is it that disappoints you specifically?: Knowing the reasons why you feel the way you feel is essential to knowing with certainty what is the best way to combat the situation.
- How do you feel disappointment? Disappointment can be felt in a variety of ways, including sadness, anger, or shame. Determining the specific mix of sensations is vital, since you will have to face each one of them.
- Have you put yourself in your partner's shoes?: If your disappointment is related to something specific that your partner has done, a good alternative is to address him or her and ask why he did it. There may be many reasons, and generally, annoying us is the least expected.
Sometimes people behave in a way that usually does not reflect their real character, and then they regret what happened… for this reason, before your disappointment harms your relationship, Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and try to think about how he or she might be feeling at that moment. Use your empathy to help your child explain things to you and understand them, but you don't need to justify their behavior. This way, you may be able to deal with your emotions better.
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How can you overcome disappointment?
There are many ways to successfully deal with these types of situations. However, the key is to know what limits we are not willing to cross. In other words, we must know which events and behaviors are not tolerable and which can cause the relationship to stop working. In this sense, we must be able to evaluate and make our own decisions when these situations arise.
However, it is possible to want to stay with our partner, even though we are aware that he or she has disappointed us. Therefore, when this happens, it is necessary to put into practice a series of aspects.
Aspects to take into account when dealing with disappointment
Here are some tips to follow when someone disappoints you. This way, you will avoid exposing yourself to further harm and will keep your cool.
- Avoid assumptionsWhen we are disappointed, trust tends to break down, causing us to feel hurt and regret certain actions. This leads us to think about certain things. But the truth is that we will never be sure of what behaviors or motives have led the other person to act that way towards us. However, we should avoid making assumptions, as we will be less likely to feel resentful and angry with the other person.
- Keep calm. If we consider that the action has been too serious, it is advisable to wait until the next day. After calming down and thinking for a few hours, we will see if the event requires the same seriousness that we initially considered it. In this way, we will be able to be more rational with our decisions.
- Avoid dramatizations. Dramatising the solution further will only make things worse. For this reason, it is better to remain calm, things are surely not as important as we thought. Take the drama out of the situation, seriously, it is surely not that important.
- Let things go and accept how the other person is. When the other party does not have the behavior that we want, expect or need, we must let it go. In this way, we will avoid stressing ourselves out more, especially if we trusted them a lot. We must not lose the…