Feel dear or affection towards certain people is healthy and necessary for our well-being. Love is one of the things that moves the world and that is why we surround ourselves with a more or less wide circle of people. However, excessive affection can develop into problems such as an unhealthy obsession. That chain of affection that ties us to another person can exemplify what love is. attachment.
Attachment is a intense and lasting bond over time, it develops and consolidates between two individuals through interactions aimed at finding and maintaining contact in extreme situations. This relationship provides us with security, protection and trust.
This feeling is positive and necessary. However, there are different ttypes of attachment and not all are equally beneficial.
Attachment development during childhood
In life, The strongest ties are established during childhoodThe people around you at that moment, whether they are parents, uncles, grandparents… are the people towards whom you will have the most keen in the future.
The dependence with the people who care for us in this period is totalbecause without their care we would not be able to survive. More than an emotional issue, it is a question biologicalPeople are prepared to develop and show affection with those who help us and offer us their love.
The security and the protection that we feel with our caregivers in childhood will be two perceptions that will accompany us when we are around those people, regardless of the time to pass. Our autonomy will increase, but the attachment will never disappear.
Types of attachment according to Bowlby
The question that may be running through your head right now is whether, despite not having a reference figure During childhood, the feeling of attachment can develop. Logically, the bond will be stronger or weaker depending on the care and protection received during childhood. Ultimately, attachment varies depending on whether the needs of this period of development have been met.
According to the Bowlby's attachment theorythe type of attachment that develops depends on these characteristics:
- Maintaining proximity: how often this proximity occurs and if it lasts over time.
- Safe haven: have complete confidence that it is an emotional support in which to seek answers to the different problems that life presents to you.
- Safe base: It is a good start to begin to understand and explore what is happening in your environment.
- Separating causes you pain: physical distance from the person makes you sad.
Each case is a world and Not all families have role models that provide us with all the possible benefits that normal development would bring us. It does not mean that the bond does not develop, but that will evolve otherwise.
Depending on the way in which our desires for affection and love have been fulfilled, two major types of attachment can be distinguished:
- Secure attachment: the link has been cemented and built in the best possible way, since the referents have been available for your needs at all levels.
- Insecure attachment: the absences and shortcomings They are the tone of the bond. There will be a feeling of attachment but, as the name suggests, insecurity will rule the relationship between you and your supposed reference.
If the absence of your parents during childhood has left its mark on your personality, it may be time to contact an online psychologist.
Try a free session
Take care of your mental health with the help of a professional psychologist.
Make an appointment
What are the types of attachment?
Within insecure attachment we can differentiate three subcategories: ambivalent, avoidant and disrupted.
- Secure attachment: the needs, physical and emotional, are absolutely covered. The referents have not only been physically present, but their availability was total.
- Anxious attachment: This is the type of attachment that is characterized by anxiety and insecurity in relationships. People with anxious attachment may feel unsure about whether their caregivers will be available to them and may fear being abandoned.
- Ambivalent attachment: the Insecurity is the main hallmark. Caregivers were not always emotionally present. Intermittent presence will trigger a dependency on that referent: the ignorance of knowing when that person will be there again to help me, we are afraid of distancing ourselves from that person.
- Avoidant attachment: the referents were cold on an emotional level. The affection may be enormous but they do not express it in the most affectionate way possible and they did not give importance to what they might think as children. The only positive thing about this type of class is that uncertainty disappears. The person knows the reference figures and does not always count on me.
- Disorganized attachment: parents are a source of abuse and mistreatmentThis makes children distrust them. And, as they cannot be self-sufficient on their own, they experience the same nervousness in the presence as in the absence of their parents.
How does each type manifest itself in adulthood?
The attachment bond that we develop during childhood is reflected in our personality and the way we establish ties with the people we meet during adolescence and adulthood.
- Sure: there is a ease of creating healthy relationships with different people. The simplicity to create environments where the privacy and the closeness are present is amazing. On a personal level, self-esteem benefits: confidence and autonomy are qualities present in this type of personality.
- Ambivalent: that fear of separating from the reference will evolve to fear of lonelinessThe feeling of being alone overwhelms them, so they will base their life on pleasing others and will give a lot of weight to external opinions.
- Avoidant: If our reference figures have not made a commitment to help us emotionally, we will not be able to have that commitment with others. Independence is a quality that they value too much. Another characteristic of the development of avoidant attachment in adults is the refusal to ask for help, avoiding talking about emotions or showing them.
- Disrupted: as they have been victims of abuse, Emotional wounds prevent them from managing their emotions. This ignorance will cause them to reject relationships and be very prone to negative emotions and psychological disorders.
Feeling affection for someone is not negative, It's healthy in every sense. The problem arises in the way or manner of expressing it. No one has the power to read your mind and know perfectly well that you love and respect the other person. You must prove it with small gestures.
In Psychia We have ten years of experience and the experience of more than 1,600 patients in online therapy. Try a free session and discover all the benefits that the help of a professional can bring you.