The worst things you can say to someone with anxiety – Online Psychologists

Maria is a patient with a generalized anxiety disorder and various phobias. She has recently been undergoing treatment with third generation therapies. However, after the session with her husband last week she begins to fear that she is more alone than she thought in this regard. All due to a conversation in which her husband overwhelmed Maria with a speech full of everything What you should never say to someone with anxiety.

Let's make a list:

Telling someone with anxiety to “not worry” or “stop worrying” is one of the first impulses when we want to see a family member or friend without anxiety. However, this makes that person feel that they do not have family or social support. And also, that they are minimizing their disorder, which will lead to demotivation, frustration, often to abandoning therapy and a decrease in self-esteem. All of this will cause communication with their environment to suffer and they will isolate themselves, since they think, as in the case of Maria, that “why tell them anything, if they are not going to pay attention to me”.

We must think that People with anxiety are aware of the irrationality of their thoughts and their fears, but obviously they cannot stop these thoughts and in the same way, they cannot do so with their worries, making it impossible to stop worrying.

Therefore, it is necessary to empathize with the patient, ask them how you can help them and make them realize that even if they do not want your help, you will be there to help them.

This is probably the most common mistake made by family members and friends of patients with anxiety and it only increases their anxiety.

The patient cannot calm down But it is not a question of whether he wants to or not, since he does not know what the object of his worries and therefore his anxiety is. This, in fact, often complicates treatment.

And it is clear that the patient does not stop breathing, but by saying this phrase, the patient can inadvertently induce hyperventilation, which ends up causing an anxiety attack.

For all these reasons, it is necessary for family and friends You acknowledge the person's anxiety but without judging them.It can also be positive to tell them an anecdote together about a time when the person did not have anxiety, as this will help them see that following a treatment will not last forever.

This is related to the previous one, and it can also make the situation worse since telling someone with anxiety to calm down is the same as asking someone with the flu not to have a fever. Calming down is the goal of people with anxiety but it does not imply an action since people with anxiety do not know how to achieve such calm by themselves. Therefore, asking for calm produces frustration and feelings of guilt in patients who say “they are tired of me” or “they will eventually get tired of all this” because they cannot do what they are asked to do.

In this case, it is advisable to sit next to the person with anxiety, try to talk to them but leave them alone if they do not want to talk. Sometimes, it is enough to be there and slowly help them do breathing and relaxation exercises as your online psychologist will have already taught you.

There are other variants such as: don't be dramatic, you have to put things into perspective, you are an alarmist or it is not that serious. All of them are equally disabling for the patient because whoever says it is forgetting about the person's emotions.

It should be noted that when we tell someone with anxiety that their problem is not a big deal, we are involuntarily telling them that both anxiety and the associated suffering are not a big problem either. While the patient irrationally thinks that The anxiety is tremendous and he feels very afraid to the consequences.

However, People with anxiety see everything very negatively This makes it difficult to put the disorder into perspective. In this case, it is better not to insist, you have to give them time. It is important to empathize with the person with anxiety, making them understand that even if you cannot know exactly how they are feeling, you are there if they need you.

Anxiety disorders can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as a breakup, job loss, family problems, or any unpleasant event. So you may have gotten over the situation, but not the resulting anxiety. That's why it's frustrating for someone with anxiety to hear things like this.

We must understand that Anxiety is one of the most common psychological disorders and that mental health is as important as physical health, since without one there is no other. Therefore, in the same way that we would not tell a person with a physical illness to get well, we should not do the same with someone who suffers from anxiety.

Understanding that learning to manage anxiety It is complicated and time-consuming for both the patient and their family and friends. It is important that you show interest by asking them how they feel or what they have done on previous occasions to regain their peace of mind.

This is precisely what happens to people with anxiety, their alarms go off at any possible fear, whether real or perceived. So, there is a acceleration of negative thoughts and worries appear, as well as anxious behaviors that in turn become another source of worry and so on constantly.

Obviously, both family and friends have the best intentions and often do not know what to say to the anxious patient, so they unintentionally minimize the disorder and therefore the resulting anxiety. This is not a behavior that produces good results, but rather the only thing it achieves is that they worry more.

In fact, there is a exercise of paradoxical intention that you, who don't have anxiety, can use to see how the effect is the opposite. It involves not thinking about anything except a camel for a couple of minutes. Thoughts will come but you should let them pass and focus on the camel. After these couple of minutes, think about what you want except a camel for another two minutes. Let me know…

It's not exactly like that. In fact, Anxiety can produce symptoms that affect almost any part of the body. from the stomach to the heart through symptoms produced by the ANS.

However, when this phrase is said to an anxiety patient, it makes them feel as if they are making it up to get attention or for fun. But anxiety is neither funny nor a product of fantasy, but, as I have already said, it is an overwhelming reality that millions of people around the world experience every day.

It is understandable that the family or friends of a person with anxiety do not see any problem, but that does not mean that there is a problem. In these circumstances, it is essential to be empathetic. Remember that not everyone has to feel the same way as you do.

It will be important for you to take some time to find out what anxiety isfrom reliable sources, because it will help you better understand what is happening to your relative or friend. In addition, it is advisable to stay by their side and, if they want, let them tell you how they feel and what they are thinking.

This phrase induces guilt in patients and implies little empathy from family or friends who produce it. And it is not necessarily true, since people with anxiety would like to stop having negative thoughts, but they simply cannot.

Obviously, A positive attitude always helps to overcome anxiety But it also takes time to change. So, if you want to help your family member or friend with anxiety, try to empathize so that they feel comforted by you.

It is wrong to assume that a person with anxiety will feel less bad if we compare their situation with that of someone who is supposedly “having a worse time”. This is so for several reasons: Anxiety is a multifactorial problem and, therefore, not always identifiable, in addition to the fact that each of us experiences suffering in a different way.

When we say things like this to our family or friends, we generate feelings of guilt in the anxious person, which lead to even more anxiety. This is because they interpret that the future could be even more catastrophic. And in the end, this only produces distancing from each other.

Even if you don't believe it, he is already doing everything he can and if he doesn't do more it is because he can't do it or even if he could, he wouldn't know how to start since the Anxiety disorders produce a feeling of immobility and exhaustion in the patient.

Therefore, phrases like these cause helplessness to the person with anxiety, who feels misunderstood. What you can do is accompany your family member or friend, try to do activities with him, such as physical exercise.

Another of the phrases that make the patient with anxiety feel guilty and therefore, is more worry for your family member or friend, with which more anxiety is generated.

When faced with this phrase, patients with anxiety show a tendency to care for their family member or friend, leaving themselves aside and feeling that all responsibility for being sick and making others sick is the patient's.

If you really have made a mistake in certain situations, such as an argument, then acknowledge your responsibility and apologize. If not, don't get defensive. Talk because dialogue avoids very anxiety-provoking situations.

In fact, Stress is also a disorder related to anxietyThe main difference is that stress affects the physical part, producing symptoms such as tachycardia, hypertension or hot flashes. However, anxiety affects the mind more with recurring negative thoughts or worries.

They are generally confused because, in general, Anxiety can be caused by intense and sustained stress over time.

Therefore, it is important to support the patient with anxiety, understand them and, in turn,…