It can be exhilarating. Frightening. Mind-blowing, confusing, transformative. It can last for months or years.
If this happens to you, you may be stuck in a state of limerencea term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s to describe a particular state of being in love that is all-consuming and obsessive.
Related news
Some have called it infatuation or intense infatuation. But it is more than that.
The limerence can quietly, and then not so quietly, dethrone you from your heart.
The physiological factors behind limerence
Keep this in mind: It’s not all in your head, because there are physiological factors at play.
Let’s take a look at the science behind what makes your brain focus its full attention on this person over all others, and what it takes to break that seemingly unbreakable connection.
A powerful cocktail of neurotransmitters
Your brain’s unique, personal love map has been storing all the big and small things you find attractive, familiar, and even unattainable in another since you were very young.
Your conscious and unconscious mind detects certain cues (verbal, non-verbal, sensory ie visual, olfactory) that you find attractive in your «LO» (limerence object or love object).
High levels of dopamine and norepinephrine are releasedgiving you that intense sense of well-being, attraction, and the hyper-focused drive and motivation to elicit reciprocal feelings from the object of your affection.
You may feel dizzy, energized, excited, even weak in the knees, and too shy to speak in the presence of your subject of desire. Do you wonder why you can’t sleep or eat? These hormones can often suppress sleep and appetite.
Estrogen and testosterone increase and desire can feel off the charts. Your libido is on overload and you have never felt so passionate or alive!
The opposite of commitment.
Oxytocin and vasopressin levels drop while dopamine and norepinephrine skyrocket. This may explain part of the anxiety and the instability that can be felt during limerence.
Oxytocin (the hug hormone) and vasopressin are related to feelings of commitment, connection, and attachment. oxytocin rReduces blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol.
Without these hormones in a constant supply, it’s like riding an emotional roller coaster without any seat belts. Feeling intense feelings of overwhelming love without commitment, confirmation, or reciprocity it can be exciting for some and torture for most.
Maybe you are reading this because you are curious or maybe you are looking for a cure.
I can say with absolute certainty that peace and transformation lie on the other side of this experience.
Yes, there may be extremely difficult days.
There may be dark nights of the soul. Maybe the limerence change you, but you also have the unique opportunity to grow and evolve in unexpected ways.