This has been a week of hugs: affectionate, protective, of “everything will be fine”… It has also been the week in which several patients remembered those beginnings of their respective therapies when “they felt shy” give me a hug and it was solved with two kisses or a handshake. With time -and the sharing of experiences, feelings- the hug appeared, without proposing it, with its highly healing power.
We all need physical contact with others, because it makes us feel recognized, protected and loved. Psychology It is understood by affective memory “the emotionally charged feeling that reappears whenever a significant previous experience is recalled.”
As We feel hugs?
In the skin there are the so-called Meissner corpuscles that are responsible for receiving the touch signal and sending it to the cerebral cortex. There are also mechanoreceptors that can assimilate whether something or someone is cold, warm, a caress, tickling, pinching, rough, rough, soft…
Each part of our body has these receptors – although the hands and lips have a greater number – and, therefore, they can send an electrical signal to the brain that will be transformed into what we perceive – at a conscious level – as a tickle, a pinch, a caress or a hug.
Thanks to Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging – which allows obtaining images of the brain while it is functioning – it has been observed that when we hug a person for which we do not feel sexual attraction or falling in love, we release oxytocina hormone that reduces cortisol and adrenaline levels – the so-called “stress hormones” – and makes us feel more relaxed.
However, certain research has shown that the same thing does not happen if we hug a person who has just been introduced to us as if we hug a friend or family member, since in this case, both the Meissner corpuscles and the mechanoreceptors, apart from sending the signal to the brain, also send it to the limbic system, which is the brain area responsible for regulating emotions.
Therefore, the oxytocin produced serves to strengthen emotional ties and form attachment, that is, the desire to be close to people who are significant to us.
But, are you affectionate?
From the point of view of life as a couple, we must consider that Hugs, caresses and glances are among the most pleasant ways of inviting closeness to the other.
Although it seems easy to explain, it is often difficult to put into practice since not all people are equally affectionate; on the contrary, there are many people who are incapable of showing affection and this can make them seem cold and distant, even though this is not really the case.
In this case, the main problem is “compensation”, that is, to excuse themselves for feelings they are unable to express – even though they could – they buy very expensive gifts. In very extreme cases, this person will need stimulants such as alcohol or substances of abuse to lose their inhibitions.
Pleasure and sex
Pleasure is a search inherent to human nature. Underlying it lies the need to be free, to be able to be what one wants to be.
Some people, during their growth, have been conditioned by their environment to believe that love can only be achieved if certain expectations are met or if “things are done right” and that, otherwise, they have only encountered rejection, indifference or punishment.
Thus, it was internalized that love must be “earned” and, furthermore, that one can “put oneself at risk” in situations such as those mentioned above, generating pain… So why try to love?
Linked to pleasure is the sexualityunderstood as not only the physical act of having sexual relations, but also the sexual foreplay as well as the caresses, pinches, pampering, kisses and hugs.
Unaffectionate people are afraid of being rejected. and create a typical “defensive” posture; tense shoulders and neck, stiff hands and joints – without realizing it – alert look…
There is a whole non-verbal communication that explains the fear of showing what you feelbecause of that possibility we were talking about earlier; not meeting expectations, not doing it “well”, and love turning into pain. The only thing that is achieved, in this way, is not enjoying either the relationship with the other person or one’s own sexuality.
As be more affectionate
You can learn to be affectionate. The main problem that someone who is not affectionate has is that he has never really hugged or caressed anyone, and the first time he does it, he is likely to feel shy, resistant, embarrassed, ridiculous, or even anxious.
Don't be afraid! Remember that your mind has been used to always operating under the same patterns of behaviour for a long time, and you feel safe within them. Changing these patterns is a risk. But if you don't try, you will never have the opportunity to experience for yourself the very pleasant sensations that occur when one person stretches out their arms and touches the other's cheeks or how your heart «jumps» when your body is tightly held by another person.
So much Giving and receiving a hug is a form of emotional contact with what surrounds us. The power of hugs It is not only a gentle sexual invitation but can also be given with family, friends… and presents a high healing power whether with their hands or their eyes, doing it for no particular reason, just because they feel that way.
Effects of hugs, kisses and caresses
- Weight regulation in babies during the growth process in newborns and children.
- Improves conditions for language acquisition.
- Increase in pleasure hormones: Endorphins. Improvement of school fatigue or childhood depression.
- Associated with stable emotional states, it produces a overall improvement in the immune system including skin hydration.
- During the first stage of life, an integration between the affections and motor skills.
- The hug develops and anchors in the mind and body the trust.
- Stimulates patterns of affection and bondingwhich reinforce identity, that is, the sense of who one is or the sense of belonging.
- Improves the sense of self-protectionbased on previous experiences of protection (repeated protective hugs by adults). It lays the non-verbal foundations for self-esteem.
- A hug can be the bridge of deep empathic communication; in children, it is a source of recognition, which, by focusing on the good, strengthens their self-esteem.
- If the hug is loving and tender, it can make the emotions of pain or loss unite with the feeling of love, changing into peace and quiet.
- Affective contact creates in the child a integrated and respectful vision of your body.
Benefits of hugging on a physical level and physiological
The «hug therapy«It is considered an adjuvant therapy in the treatment of various disorders such as, for example, depressive disorders.
Besides, reduces blood pressure and menstrual pain As well as treating headaches, it cures insomnia, slows down aging and reduces appetite. There is scientific evidence that it strengthens the immune system.
We have already seen that hugs release hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, but they also act on neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine. They produce a feeling of well-being and also releases neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine which have a sedative effect, producing a feeling of tranquility, well-being and calm.
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Benefits of hugs at the level psychological
- Increases oxytocin levels which helps us to generate relationships of mutual trust, as well as certain patterns of behaviour, both maternal and paternal.
- Stress levels decreaseThis is especially important for caregivers, as it increases their patience and at the same time relaxes the patient.
- Generic of anxiolytics; allows for adequate coping with conflicts and difficult and complicated moments.
- Increase the release of dopamine which produces greater motivation as well as an improvement in attention and, therefore, in learning.
- Increased self-esteem since it produces well-being in the people we love.
- It brings us security, protection, positivism.
- Help to improve our mood.
- And, although it may seem incredible; improves our memory because the calm it produces makes our emotions settle the memories.
Can live without hugging?
Hugs are a sign of affection between people and an expression of love between couples. As we have seen, they bring many benefits. benefits both physical and psychological.
Taking into account only the hug as an expression of love between couplesWe could stop and think: and you, how many times a day do you hug your partner?
According to studies carried out on this topic, it has been shown that the number of breakups between couples It is greater in those in which one of the two members does not express affection either in the form of hugs, caresses since the other member will show a affect imbalance.
Therefore, this last member may suffer consequences due to the lack of affection shown by the first member, such as:
- Decreased self-esteem: you start to think that you are not desired, which is because you are not attractive enough for your partner.
- Insecurity: In the absence of physical contact, he/she may begin to think that he/she is not doing something right, that his/her partner is not happy with him/her and that he/she runs the risk, therefore, of being abandoned.
- Anxiety behaviors: Fear or insecurity can lead to negative behaviors, such as starting to eat more than usual, smoking more than usual, or changing other behaviors.
In each context, we know what kind of hug we give and what kind we receive, which will also depend on the person we hug, although the emotional, physical, physiological and psychological benefits will be the same. However, a hug with a friend will be joyful, with a partner it is intimate. Whatever the case, never deny a hug! You would be denying vitamins for the soul…
And, certainly, many times, we do not find the right words to express our feelings, perhaps because they are overwhelming or because we are very shy… Speak the language of hugs “When speaking becomes a difficult task, there is no better way to express ourselves clearly”
Do you like it or does it bother you…