The dangers of ambivalent attachment – Online Psychologists

Attachment is one of the foundations of your personality. It arises in the most tender childhood, during the first months of life, around the age of 18. bonds you establish with your parents or caregivers. The relationship you have with them will determine the way you relate to others and the world around you throughout your life, so attachment formation is essential.

However, not all types of attachment are good. Attachment theory, formulated by John Bowlby During the 20th century, it was established that there is secure attachment and insecure attachment, within which we find ambivalent or anxious attachment. secure attachment It is the one that comes from good care by the parents, in whom the child trusts and sees them as a source of unconditional protection. Feeling protected, children with a secure attachment have no problems relating to the world and to others, something that continues into adulthood.

He ambivalent attachmenton the other hand, is one that forms when caregivers are present for the child intermittently, so that the child does not know if they will be there to protect him in case he needs it. The development of ambivalent attachment involves a great deal of source of insecurity for children who, in childhood, will act disconsolately in the absence of their parents and distrustful of their presence. These children do not trust strangers and, similarly, as they grow up, they have difficulty trusting people.

Mary Ainsworthwho also researched attachment extensively, observed the behavior of infants and noticed that about 10% of the babies observed showed signs of this type of attachment: They remained alert when they interacted with the environment, They cried in the absence of the care figures and acted coldly when they returned. with them. This situation, so aggressive for babies, who are completely defenseless and unconsciously seek the protection of the closest adults, leaves scars in the brain of people as they grow. Children who developed ambivalent attachment will surely end up becoming Insecure adults who are unable to manage their relationships in a healthy way.

Children learn from the environment around them, so a baby who does not always find protection in his closest adult figures will surely grow up believing that relationships are unstable bonds that are the product of chance.

Taking their parents' attitude as an example, these children will believe that the affection of others will not always be there, so They will try to please continuously to the rest to ensure their presence. In this way, they will develop a unstable self-esteem based on its relationships with others.

To the seek external approvalThese people can put the desires of others before their own, falling into toxic relationships where their insecure attachment is the protagonist.

People with insecure attachment have never experienced a stable relationship with their immediate environment. In this context, children grow up with constant fear of what surrounds them and without knowing if they will find protection from the dangers.

Given the low security caused by this helplessness in the most tender childhood, as adults The emotions of these people will depend largely on their relationships with others.. Many times they will not even take responsibility for what they feel, because deep down they believe that it is all a product of the attitudes of others towards them.

Although they may seem oblivious to their surroundings, in their first months of life children learn from everything they see, including relationships. Thus, those children who suffered intermittent care, when they grow up tend to imitate those relationships that they experienced in their earliest childhood.

For example, they may be people who They try to get attention from those around them, but once they get it, they get tired of that attention or become distrustful of others.

In addition, people with ambivalent attachment tend to emotionally dependent of those with whom they establish relationships, due to their low self-esteem and that insecurity that makes them feel unprotected in an immense world.

In relationships, they can show themselves as jealous and manipulative people. Jealousy arises from the belief that relationships are unstable: when faced with a romantic relationship, or even a friendship, they will remember how inconsistent their parents' care was and, just as they feared abandonment in childhood, they will fear it in their adult life. As a defense mechanism against the possibility of being abandoned, people with ambivalent attachment may resort to manipulation, even They can isolate those around them to prevent them from leaving.

If you identify the signs of ambivalent attachment in your behavior, you should know that you can develop a secure attachment with the help of a psychologist. At we offer the services of our psychologists through online therapy. If you want to try it, you can request a free first appointment by filling in your details.