Author Gary Chapman reveals that there are five love languages. You've probably never heard of them, but to help you understand are those that describe how we receive love from people.
Types of love languages
- Words of affirmation – Give words of support to your partner
- Acts of service – Do useful things for your partner
- Receiving gifts – Giving your partner gifts that let her know you were thinking of her
- Quality time – Spending meaningful time with your partner
- Physical contact – Being close to and caressing your partner
Each person is completely different when it comes to receiving love. We must give love in the same way that our partner asks for it and vice versa. In this way, relationships will be stronger.
The languages of love: how to show it and receive it
– Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation
Ourselves We express affection when saying words of support, encouragement, congratulations, affection, kindness, praise or humility towards the other person.
These words are often said without thinking, they simply come from within us and have a very positive effect on the other person. In fact, you are probably thinking about some of them right now. They are capable of increasing security, self-esteem and well-being.
The key is to say simple, direct and powerful phrases like: “I love you very much, you are my pillar”, “I love it when you explain things to me so well” or “You treat me like no one else has ever done”. The important thing is that these phrases are true and credible For the person you say it to, they will feel like it is true.
– Love Language 2: Acts of Service
We live in a society that makes us forget what quality time is and what our real needs are.
Sharing our quality time is not so much the act, but enjoying it and sharing it with the people we lovetalking and listening, without rushing, without technology. There is no other goal for the person, other than sharing that time with the person they love.
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– Love Language 3: Receiving Gifts
Nowadays, the meaning of giving a gift has lost all its value. In this consumerist society, many people They look for the most expensive gift or think “the more the merrier”regardless of need or utility.
However, not everyone thinks so and another large percentage of people agree that There are gifts that express a lot of affection and love when they are handcrafted. for the person we love. The fact that you have made an effort and spent time in doing so it is already much better.
For this reason, for many people this type of gift means a very nice love offeringboth for the person who receives it and the person who makes it.
On the other hand, the person who does it also enjoys it because he has fun doing it and knows that he will like it. Getting a smile from her is enough.
– Love Language 4: Quality Time
This language has to do with trying to make the other person happy by doing favors or serving them. Cleaning, cooking, doing chores that no one wants to do, helping, fixing things or going to places to pick you up, are acts that people do on their own and with a smile on their face without expecting anything in return.
It is not a necessity or an obligation, but something that is done generously to help the other person.
– Love Language 5: Physical Touch
Among all forms of communication, This is the most direct and simple. It involves kissing, hugging and touching each other. They are ways of transmitting and receiving love from your partner.
Not all relationships are the same (not in long distance relationships, for example) but it is true that in many couples This language is the most importantPhysical contact is their main language, they feel safe and happy and if they don't have it, they don't feel loved.
It can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.
How can I know what my language is?
First of all, ask yourself the following questions. Then, when you answer them, you will realize that among all of them (because they will all seem important to you) There will be one of them that will make you feel much happier and loved. This way you will know what your language is.
- Words of affirmation: How do you feel when you hear your partner give you words of encouragement or compliments?
- Acts of service: Does your partner do a task for you or take care of something without you having to ask?
- Receiving gifts: How do you feel when your partner gives you an extravagant and thoughtful gift?
- Quality time:How do you feel when your partner gives you his or her full attention and you have meaningful conversations or activities?
- Physical contact: How do you feel when your partner shows you affection through touch?
Using the love languages in your relationship
It is very common to go to therapy saying that you do not receive any signs of love from the other member of the couple. To have a 100% healthy and long-lasting relationship we have to tell our partner what makes us feel loved and ask him or her what makes him or her loved. In this way, if we use our love languages well, the quality of the relationship will improve completely.
Knowing, identifying and sharing ways of loving are a great help. Once visualized they may seem very obvious, but We don't realize that sometimes we never tell our partner what we prefer.
4 steps to improve the quality of your relationship
- Knowing the languages of love already explained.
- Identify which one we prefer. We must remember the intensity and duration of the emotion in the face of the five types of love languages.
- Share with our partner which one belongs to us and also tell us which one belongs to him.
- Put it into practice. Although it may seem easy, this step is the most complicated because you have to be very patient. Many times you have to change habits and this can be complicated for some people.
For example, if you want to be hugged and normally you never get a hug, it may be difficult for that person to have to do it every day.
You have to be very patient with change and reinforce the effort that the other person makes with us. If he doesn't do what we asked, we must explain it to him again.
To a greater or lesser extent, We all express these five love languages.
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