Solve your relationship problems using these simple techniques – Online Psychologists

It is normal for a couple to have arguments from time to time. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that their emotions, aspirations and opinions can't differ, especially in the case of couples who live together and share a lot of their time. Sometimes relationship problems aren't caused by big dramas, it's not all about lack of trust, jealousy and infidelity. Many couples actually argue over a multitude of seemingly insignificant details.: forgetting a message, lack of order, tiredness…

It is normal that there are frictions at times. Consider that you live surrounded by stressful stimuli, immersed in a multitude of obligations that will often cloud your mind and prevent you from reacting to adversity as you should. The first step to solving your relationship problems is, precisely, realizing that there is a problem. It is useless to deny the obvious: if fights become so frequent that they begin to dominate your life as a couple and you lose the notion of why you are still together, then There are problems that you need to solve.

With the pandemic, hundreds of couples realized, locked up at home, that the passage of time had turned them into strangers and they no longer found any satisfaction in living together. During confinement increased couple conflicts and some psychologists claim that a wave of breakups unprecedented, caused by the friction that arose within homes.

Of course, a psychologist can give you the professional help you need. Identify the origin of your problems and, after assessing the situation, teach you the tools that can put an end to them. However, in Psychia We want to share a series of Techniques used in couples therapy and that you can use on your own, without supervision.

One of the essential parts of good communication is listening, but not just any kind of listening will do. According to the Royal Spanish Academy, hearing is only «perceiving sounds with the ear,» while To listen is to pay attention to what one hears.. For there to be good communication with your partner, both of you must listen to each other, and you must do so in a active: It is not enough to pay attention, also You have to understand what the other is saying and reflect on it.

In addition, during active listening your partner must be aware that you are giving him the attention he deserves, so you should avoid getting distracted and you should also maintain eye contact. This will allow you to be aware of what your partner's non-verbal communication is telling you as well. When you're done, the listener can try to summarize what the other person wanted to tell youto be sure that the message you have extracted from his words is the correct one.

This will not only help you solve your problems more effectively, but it can also generate greater satisfaction knowing that the other person is paying attention to you and cares about understanding what you say, what worries you and, in general, what you feel.

If you cannot communicate correctly, understanding each other, Our psychologists can help you with relationship problems.

You may have noticed that when problems arise, and especially when you find yourself in the middle of an argument where anger blinds your reasoning ability, You tend to focus your message on the things that bother you about the other person.. Although it is not bad to talk about those things that your partner does and that get on your nerves, the heat of the discussion is not a good time to do it, since Your partner will understand your message as a reproach. or as an attack and will try to repel it.

Instead, when something bothers you You should try to put the focus of the message on the «I»That is, instead of calling out your partner's behavior, let him or her know how it made you feel. If you feel the urge to say, «I can't stand it when you yell,» say, «I wish we could talk about things differently,» instead. That way, instead of attacking your partner for his or her behavior, you can make him understand how you feel and it will be easier for him to understand the consequences of his actions.

When you are blinded by anger, it is normal not to think about how what we say can make the other person feel. With this technique, you will be able to evaluate the impact that your words and actions have on your partner, which makes it a wonderful way to practice empathy and put yourself in someone else's shoes.

If you really want to solve your problems, don'tor just commit to being better and systematically ignore all the problems that already exist in the relationship. You cannot begin a new stage if you have not solved the problems of the previous one, because everything that is not solved will be a burden, it will make you be in a worse mood and will generate distrust in the couple. It is useless to hide things, silence is a very weak patch over problems.

Although this recommendation may seem to conflict with the previous point, we are talking about different situations. In an argument, it is better not to attack the other person directly, because anger will prevent them from accepting your words and reflecting on what you have said. However, when both of you are calm, It is necessary to talk about the episodes or behaviors that have bothered you. and explain how the other person made you feel. The more specific you are in your explanation, the better.

If you feel the need to respond to what the other says by means of reproaches, it may be a good idea for both of you to take some time to write down what bothers youin detail, also explaining the consequences. Once you have finished writing, you will give the paper to the other person and, after reading it, you can begin to resolve those conflicts that you left out one day and that continue to weigh on you.

If none of the above methods help you to stop arguing, then you can try to turn your arguments into debates. Yes, debates in the purest political style. This will help everyone to present their arguments. clearly and calmly, without interruptions. Similarly, when the speaking turn ends, the other will be able to respond without being interrupted and you will be able to transform the topics that caused those heated discussions into calm conversations that do not add even more problems to your relationship.

The debate should take place as follows: both members of the couple will agree on a time limit for each interventionaccording to the depth of the problems. If you have been accumulating problems for a long time, then give yourself ten minutes; if it is a one-off case, give it five.

The important thing is to find a way express what is happening in a summarized and clear waywithout beating around the bush and without giving yourself time to attack the other person or bring up other topics. Each intervention will be about the same topic and the reply will also deal with that topic. This way, you will avoid interruptions and you will be able to feel that the other person is listening to you and is concerned about responding to your concerns, without evasion.

As important as talking about the conflicts that plague your relationship is find the reasons why you are still togethers. If this task proves to be completely impossible, perhaps it is time to stop prolonging the agony and start considering a breakup.

However, the most normal thing when you delve into the depths of memory is to find moments, details and characteristics of the other person that still make you smile. Remembering them and being aware of them is already a good first step, but it is also important to talk about them with the other person, in order to let them know that you are not only paying attention to the discussions, but also to the you still enjoy being by his side.

In this way, you will be able to understand that, despite the problems, you still love each other and perhaps you can regain faith in your relationship with the help of each other. Yes, fixing the bad is important, but it would be pointless if you insisted on ignoring the good. Being happy together, despite the problems, is one of the most important and beautiful parts of any relationship, so don't deprive yourself of it.

Once you have talked about everything that bothers you, you have solved your problems and you have found the reasons that make you stay together, then it is a good time to start rekindling the flame of your relationship. A good way to do it is Finding moments to please each other and so start enjoying each other again. Feeling loved when you are in a loving relationship is one of the most satisfying things that can happen to you.

Although surprises are always a nice touch, you will have a better chance of pleasing the other person if you know what they want and fulfill their wishes. Talk about those simple things you would like to do as a couple. or what you would like your partner to do for you, listen to what the other wants and please each other. Don't let too much time pass, the sooner the betterFinding moments to have fun and create new moments together will not only strengthen your relationship, but will make you feel happier and may even help you get out of a routine.

It is vitally important for the proper functioning of the couple not to simply become roommates who live together due to life circumstances. Find activities to do together that remind you that, in addition to being a couple, you are friends who can have a good time together.

Remember that At we are committed to your well-being and that is why we have a team of psychologists who can help you through online therapies, in the place and time that best suits you.