Relationship between anxiety and sex – Online Psychologists

We can define anxiety as the physical and mental response that our body has when the brain interprets that there are dangerous or threatening situations. It is as if we were saying, a defense mechanism when we feel that there is some danger and/or we do not have certain security about a certain situation. Thus, anxiety causes in us a state of restlessness and nervousness that prevents us from focusing on reality.

Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways, from nerves or hair loss to panic attacks or a disabling feeling that makes us feel small and not in control of our own lives.

As we have mentioned, by not focusing on reality and falling into that state of restlessness, anxiety can affect all areas of our lives, including sex. It is common for a person with anxiety to lose part or all of their sexual appetite.

This is usually because the person cannot focus on the sexual act itself or on the pleasure it may bring, but will be more focused on other things. In this way, the mind will be filled with intrusive thoughts and the person will be thinking about a thousand different thoughts, among which negative ideas usually predominate. The most common examples of these irrational thoughts, which distract the mind during sex are: family problems, day-to-day obligations in personal life, work, social life, commitments, and the thousand and one tasks and errands that «must» be done in the short term.

To understand this from a more biological point of view, it is important to remember that sexual regulation and emotional regulation are both located in the hypothalamus. Broadly speaking, the hypothalamus is made up of various interrelated nuclei of neuronal groups, among which the hormones that regulate the reproductive organs and sexual behavior are regulated; and emotions and their expression. That is why, the happier we are, the greater our sexual desire is, and vice versa.

It is common that during times when we suffer from more anxiety, we tend to feel the need to masturbate repeatedly or, at least, more than usual. It is true that having an orgasm is very relaxing, and for a moment it has a calming effect on our mind, since our body releases a great amount of tension and secretes hormones that really relax us.

However, we can enter into a vicious circle in which we try, usually unconsciously, to resort to immediate pleasure to alleviate this anxiety. The paradox of all this is that the more we resort to this immediate pleasure, the less and less the anxiety dissipates and we enter into a desperate loop.

The same thing happens when we feel anxious and smoke, drink alcohol or spend all day scrolling through video after video on different social networks and we start an endless loop of content consumption, which beyond reducing our anxiety, what it ends up causing us is the opposite.

All of these “remedies” end up becoming a natural sedative that works in the very short term as an escape from stress, when what really ends up happening is that this feeling is perpetuated and makes us feel even worse, guilty and more dissatisfied.

On the other hand, anxiety and sex are also related in the opposite direction. That is, not only can anxiety affect sex, but sex and especially the standards that one has set can generate anxiety.

In this way, the person begins to feel excessive concern and/or fear about sexual relations and stops focusing their attention on enjoying said relations.

The main causes of this sexual anxiety are: lack of knowledge in the sexual field, sociocultural influence, poor sexual education, self-esteem problems and concern about possible sexual failure. The latter is generally linked to the standards and expectations established by the pornography industry, which are often quite far from reality.

At ByPlay they believe that the mind is like a radio that constantly emits thoughts. Therefore, their objective as a company is not the mere sale of sexual products to earn more than the competition, but they go much further. The great mission of ByPlay is to spread sexual health and education that allows all followers to enjoy sex, get to know themselves and have knowledge beyond the scarce knowledge that is taught in our early educational stages.

As explained on social media, one way to combat anxiety without resorting to immediate orgasm is to stimulate the body and its erogenous zones. Just like sports or meditation, reactivating physical pleasure and discovering pleasurable sensations will make you connect with yourself. Examples of how to achieve this are touching yourself, caressing yourself, pampering yourself, doing it in an environment with candles or with a relaxing bath, playing background music, incense… In other words, creating an experience that allows you to enjoy and disconnect and not just escape for a moment.

The ultimate goal of this, and what will really help us avoid or reduce anxiety, will be to activate sexual desire through self-discovery or discovery of the other through exploration and not through the compulsion and sudden whim of cumming.