overprotection It’s a parenting stylein which parents have an excess of control over the lives of their children, trying to solve the various difficulties they are going through and also constantly anticipating possible dangers, needs or demands of children.
Why are some parents overprotective?
For Carolina Reyes CristiPsychologist, Master in Educational Psychology, the reasons can be diverse, one of them is the fear that something negative will happen to their children, consequently, they are on top of them all the time to protect them. Other times it happens because of the parents’ own family history, either because they come from families where they had an overprotective upbringing, tending to repeat the pattern or because they lived quite the opposite, carelessnesswhich leads them to Not wanting the same thing to happen to your children.
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Overprotection is characterized by a high degree of affection, but also control and supervision.
These are the negative consequences of overprotecting children
Various studies indicate that this pattern can trigger endless problems both in childhood and in adulthood, some of them are:
- Feeling of insecurity and fear: When parents overprotect their children, they are implicitly communicating two messages: that they are not capable of doing something on their own, therefore they need help, and that something bad can happen to them. «Both messages are generating insecurities regarding their way of facing the world and developing little or no self-confidence.» Explains the Director of the Monteluz School
- Higher levels of anxiety: As overprotected children have lived with the transmission of fear, anxiety usually accompanies them permanently. «This emotion is activated when we experience the sensation of threat and danger, therefore it is more common in people who are all the time with their mind in the future, thinking that something bad can happen.» argues the specialist.
- Low self-esteem: Carolina Reyes Cristi warns that if children grow up loaded with messages that make them insecure about their own abilities to solve situations, make decisions and face problems, they will inevitably become adults with low self-esteem, a feeling of personal worthlessness and little self-confidence.
- Dependent behavior/lack of autonomy: The psychologist explains that educating children by solving their problems, anticipating possible difficulties and not giving them the space to deal with the world independently; in adulthood they will manifest a tendency to permanently request help, developing a dependent behavior and a lack of autonomy to function in life.
- Difficulties in building resilience: “As a consequence of all of the above, overprotective parenting hinders the development of resilience, that is, the ability to overcome the adversities of life, to get ahead and be able to adapt to the complexities that are presented to us, coming out of them gracefully. ”.
Carolina Reyes Cristiinvites parents to ask themselves: What happens to me when my child has a problem?, What do I feel when I see him suffer? What do I think when I notice that something is difficult for him? In this way they will be able to maintain an attitude of constant self-observation and recognize their own fears, insecurities and fantasies. If this exercise is difficult for them, the psychologist advises them to be open to the possibility of asking for help and supporting themselves with some therapeutic process.
“What makes us good mothers/fathers is not not making mistakes, that is going to happen inevitably. The important thing is to try to be aware of our mistakes and personal limitations, identify them and thus repair them”. He concludes.