Pros and cons of getting back with your ex: how to make a decision – Online Psychologists

Ending a relationship is always an abrupt moment, even in the best of times. A period of mourning follows, but not all separations are permanent. It may be a temporary breakup, or one or both partners may reconsider getting back together after a while. Not without risks.

Depending on the circumstances that led to the end of the relationship and the reasons that prompted the person to try again, they will have more or less success. For example, one reason for getting back together cannot be that one does not want to leave one's comfort zone, which means missing out on relationships that could be much more enriching. Nor can one only want to get back into the relationship for the sake of the children. This should be a step forward and not a step back.

It is true that overcoming heartbreak is not easymany beautiful memories are left behind and we can come to see the new reality as if it were the end of the world.

Before getting back with your ex, analyze the reasons for the breakup. Because trusting that person is not the same if the cause was a minor argument or someone being unfaithful. Therefore, you have to reflect on whether what caused the separation is really serious or relevant to you or if it can be overcome.

People who have already overcome the reason for their breakup will have an easier time deciding whether to get back with their ex. But for those who have not, they must first go through a process of self-reflection to face their fears.

– Choose from love, not fear. The priority is to get back in the relationship, not your individual well-being. When you make this decision, you should not think about the consequences of staying single, but about what you want to rebuild and share. If you get back with your ex because of emotional dependence, there is a greater chance that what separated you will repeat itself.

– What does it take to make it different this time?. Get to know in depth what happened to you and then you should explore what you need. The couple should be willing to change aspects that harm the relationship and you could consider going to couples therapy. At you can try a free online couples therapy session.

The decision of whether or not to get back with your ex-partner must have been carefully considered and thought out. The breakup that separated you must be over. Getting back with an ex may be one of the best decisions of your life to make you realise that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your days with. But there may be drawbacks:

1. It won't be the same as before

Even if both parties try very hard to get back in the relationship, the wound that was caused will still exist. Nothing will ever be the same again, so you have to think about whether you want to be in this new situation or not. Although regaining someone's trust is difficult, it is not completely impossible. We explain it very visually in this article with the metaphor of crumpled paper.

2. The excitement of meeting new people disappears

It prevents you from meeting new people, but as with any decision, you gain some things and lose others. Having a partner doesn't mean giving up your social life, so focus on those people who contribute to other areas of your life, since you already have the love aspect covered. If you really consider this aspect to be very important, consider whether you really want to get back together with your partner.

3. There may be greater negative consequences

Over-forgiving can lead to resentment, anger, and unhappiness. Or if someone has hurt you once, they may do it again, and you'll feel worse for making the same mistake twice.

4. We become dependent

If we have low self-esteem, lack confidence and feel incomplete, we will become dependent on our partner. In addition, we will feel unable to leave him or her.

5. He will get away with it

If you are the one who ended the relationship, the other person may think they can get away with it and treat you badly. If the reason is infidelity, it is normal that not everyone is ready to forget it. So, if resentment is present during the relationship, the relationship is more likely to end badly.

But getting back together with your ex can have its advantages. In some relationships, the positive things about getting back together can outweigh the negatives.

One of the biggest advantages is that you already know each other and you will be closer and there is an emotional connection. There will probably still be something special between the two of you, and everyone deserves a second chance.

This will make it easier to work on those things that separate you and the relationship will improve.

2. You will not make the same mistakes

By having experience, you know what you do wrong and you can learn from them.

Conflicts are common in relationships, but they can be overcome with dialogue, respect and honesty.

3. If there are children it is advantageous for them

Children will prefer to see their parents together in the same home and becoming a family again and the happiness of the family unit will increase.

4. You don't feel like trying again

If you decide to go back, you won't be left wondering whether it was the right thing to do or not. But if you don't, you'll always remember whether it would have been worth it.

5. It can be much better than before

A break can help you re-establish the foundations of your relationship. Also, during the time you've been apart, you've both grown individually.

Still, it is not advisable to cut and get back together continuously as it can make the relationship toxic and harmful.

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