It is common that when we are in a relationship, people may have a certain fear of losing the other person. However, this very natural feeling is harmful if it is felt in an exaggerated way, to the point of becoming pathological jealousy.
What are they?
Jealousy is a feeling of fear, fear of losing your partner that lead you to think about realities that do not exist or to have inappropriate behaviors, such as controlling your partner. In most cases, you may not be aware of being a jealous person, because you assume that behavior is normal and you justify it by thinking that you do it 'for love'. However, this is not the case.
Jealousy is an excessive feeling, where you yourself are your own enemy. The jealous person tends to Constantly thinking about scenarios outside of realityThis is due to a lack of confidence in your partner and in your relationship, as well as in yourself.
These thoughts, which are usually constant, can lead you to act in a controlling manner with your partner (controlling what they do, who they hang out with, who they study or work with, controlling their cell phone or social networks, constantly asking them what they do or where they are, etc.).
If you think you have a very strong dependency and excessive distrust towards your partner or you think you are acting in a controlling way towards him or her, it is best to go to a professional. Contact an online psychologist, with whom you can deal with the problem of jealousy.
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If your relationship is going through a bad time, try to fix or strengthen the bond by going to couples therapy.
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What are its symptoms?
Jealousy is shown as a feeling that is then translated into negative actions and behaviors. Some of the Symptoms you can detect to know if you are a jealous person or notto a greater or lesser extent, are these.
- DistrustYou don't trust your partner, you constantly think that he or she is going to cheat on you or abandon you.
- Obsessive thoughts. At all times you are thinking where he or she may be, with whom or what he or she is doing. As well as imagining situations that are not happening and that give rise to insecurities and mistrust.
- Continuous control over your partner. At all times you have to know where she is, who she is with and what she is doing. You have behaviors like looking at her cell phone to see who she is talking to, texting her or calling her constantly.
- You don't want me to date other people. You can't stand her dating other people for fear that she might cheat on you or be attracted to other people.
Symptoms that a jealous person may feel:
- Nervousness or anxietyYou are worried that your partner might cheat on you, you are constantly thinking about that situation and it creates anxiety.
- Excessive concern.
- InsomniaYou can't sleep imagining those unreal scenarios or thinking about what your partner might be doing at that moment.
What are its causes?
Jealousy is usually caused by problems of the person who suffers from it, whether due to insecurities, previous actions or traumas that come from childhood.
- Childhood traumas. The lack of attention, affection or appreciation from people who mattered to you or from whom you expected more affection can create insecurities around you, which you then express with your partners, creating an unhealthy environment for the relationship.
- Low self-esteem. Lack of self-esteem is one of the most common causes. Having low self-esteem causes you to have a bad influence on yourself, thinking that you are not enough, that you can find something better and that if you have the slightest opportunity, you will do it.
- Previous experiences. Having experienced infidelity in other previous relationships also makes you feel insecure and distrustful in your next relationship. The best thing to do is to treat this with a professional to learn to control these emotions and be able to put jealousy aside and fully and healthily enjoy your relationship, and trust the other person.
Consequences of jealousy
Jealousy is a negative thing that will not make your relationship better, but rather the opposite. This behavior will most likely trigger what you are trying to avoid: a breakup.
Consequences regarding the relationship:
- Rupture.
- FearThese behaviors can generate fear of talking about things as a couple or even ending the relationship, because of how the jealous person might react.
- Difficulty or lack of interest in starting other relationships. Once you have had a jealous or toxic partner, whose behavior has created in you a fear of going through the same thing again with another person. This makes you close the door to other relationships.
- Trust issues. After going through a relationship like this, you may have a tendency to wonder if you are the one who has done something wrong. This leads to working with a psychologist, who is the best option to see it clearly and solve those insecurities.
Consequences for the jealous person:
- Trust issuesJealousy is an insecurities that you have and prolonging it and not admitting it and dealing with it will continue to make your insecurity increase.
- DepressionThe excessive anguish caused by your insecurities and fears can lead you to fall into depression.
- Lack of controlJealousy can cause you to lose control over your actions and behavior and your emotions can translate into anger. Using force to vent your feelings is not the solution. See a specialist who can help you channel and control these instincts.
Treatment of jealousy
Tips to overcome jealousy:
- Accept yourselfThe most important thing is to start accepting, valuing and loving yourself. You can't love someone properly if you don't love yourself first. Work on those trust issues.
- Admit you have a problemThe first and best step to start working on yourself, your security and getting rid of jealousy is to accept that you are a jealous person. From there, you have to work on ending jealousy.
- Trust your partner. Trust in your partner is the key to a successful relationship, start trusting them.
- Go to the psychologist.
Individual therapy
Despite these tips that can help you start to behave less jealously, it is best to go to therapy and put yourself in the hands of a professional. Going to a psychology professional is one of the best ways to overcome the feelings and behaviors of jealousy.
A psychologist will help you understand how you feel and you will learn to work on your insecurities and solve the problem, so that you feel much better about yourself.
At you can do this through our online therapies, so you can talk to your psychologist in an environment of trust, security and intimacy.
Couples therapy
Another option to work on jealousy in a couple is go to therapy togetherMore and more couples are going to a psychologist in the hope of improving and strengthening their relationship. This is a way for both partners to work on their partner's jealousy.
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