Resentment is one of the most treacherous psychological states. The reason why people suffer from it is because they keep the anger inside them. pain of deception, betrayal or offense and they don't expect to forget it. In addition, they have desire for revengethey want that person who made them suffer to go through the same thing. All of this means not closing a chapter and not regain emotional balance that you had before it happened. On the other hand, if you forgive, you will greatly reduce those negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors and you will promote calm and reduce stress.
What characteristics do resentful people have?
A person who holds a grudge cannot stop the negative memories of the past, which hinders the opportunity to live freely. In addition, those who suffer from it excessively may have problems relating to others and end up being unhappy.
– They are intransigent: They never give in. When someone acts differently, they are very harsh and critical.
– They are of extremes: They take very polarized positions, which causes them to distance themselves from those who do not think the same way.
– They don't forget: If there's something you've done that makes them angry, they may forgive you but they'll remind you why you were offended.
– They are very proud: They do not admit their mistakes and always defend their position.
– They are very little or not at all empathetic: they cannot understand the other person.
– They are unable to respond to their emotional and psychological needs: because they do not want to forget the anger or pain caused.
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What to do if my partner is resentful
The problem in this case is your coupleit is she who is doing wrong by not being able to overcome this obstacle. The first thing you have to do is be patient, sometimes the person who suffers from it is not aware of it. That is why you must give him a chance to change.
If you want to change, the couple can recommend that you start projects together or do new activitiesIt is very important to encourage interaction between the two.
You also have to practice empathy, understanding where that way of thinking and behaving comes from. For your part, you must find their virtues and qualities to stop focusing on what you don't like.
Another good option that can complement the previous advice in the same way is to ask for help from a online psychologist to guide you. In Psychia the first briefing is free, try it out.
The psychologist can offer you tools to manage anger, shifting the gaze from the past to the present, externalizing unresolved problems, etc. At , the psychologist will get both of you to stop settling for this type of relationship and will give you guidelines on how to solve it.
However, if she shows no interest in changing and generating a positive effect not only on the relationship but also on herself, you can calmly recommend that she seek professional advice for her own good.
No one deserves to live like this, so it would be best to find ways to escape, so that you feel more at ease and dignified.
What is the cause of my partner being resentful?
Finding the reason why that person feels the way they do is key to solving the problem. In the long run, resentment can seriously affect the relationship. The causes and factors can be numerous.
– Infidelity: This is the main reason why resentment appears. There are two options: forgive and give a second chance, but without reproaches in the future, or if the damage has been very strong, cut off the relationship.
– Conflicts that have not been resolved: If you keep accumulating something that bothered you about the other person for a long time, there will come a time when it explodes. It is best to always be honest.
– The low self-esteem in oneself: if one does not value oneself enough, fears and phobias will consume the feelings that both share.
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