In 2020 alone, a total of 80,015 couples separated, divorced or requested annulment in SpainParental separation is a big fear for children during their youth, so it is normal that, if you notice problems at home, you ask yourself: What do I do if my parents separate? How can I manage this situation?
What do I do if my parents separate?
The first thing you have to do is accept your decisionSuddenly your family and your family unit, one of the most important aspects of your life, will change forever, and you feel like you won't be able to get over it. It's very hard and difficult to see your parents split up, but it's their life and you have to respect it.
I'm sure it hasn't been easy for them either, but if they have already taken the final step it is because it has been a thoughtful decisionclear and sure, either from one of them, or from both. So you should not beg them to come back, or get angry with them. Maybe the love has ended, or they simply were no longer happy as a couple.
And what do I do now?
Unconsciously, you feel like you're in the middle of the two, and you feel like you have to do something. You have to remember that it's not your fault that this happened, and that you're not the only person who has suffered or is suffering from the separation of their parents. You'll get out of this hole with no way out right now, and you're going to come out stronger.
It is important to value the causes of breakup: It could be due to infidelity, the deterioration of the relationship, a difficult coexistence, that they no longer feel the same, etc.
Here are a series of tips that will help you know How to act in case of separation:
- Respect his decisionYou have nothing to do with the decision they, individually or mutually, have decided to make.
- Don't try to meddle in their relationship because it will be much harder for them. Your mother and father will always be your mother and father. They will still love you just the same, even if you see one more than the other.
- Get out of the way. You must stay out of it so as not to end up being the center of the conflict.
- Speak sincerely and express your feelings to themThey must know how they are acting so that the adaptation process is as painless as possible.
- Don't look at the past. It will be hard to get over it if you stop and look back every now and then and remember all the moments you spent together. Those memories will stay with you forever, but you have also grown up and you have to accept that things have changed.
- Support themshow them your affection in these difficult times.
- Be patientIt is a hard process that you have to go through, and that you will end up understanding and assimilating. In addition, you will come out stronger and more mature, since it is a situation that requires and forges strength and maturity. You have to be careful, since your personality or way of being can be affected.
- Think about his happiness. Your parents may not have been happy in their relationship. Separation will help them find themselves and their well-being, even if they go their separate ways.
- Don't hurt his feelings. You have to be very careful with your words and actions. You may be angry, disappointed, sad… and attack your parents to make yourself feel better.
- Occupy your mind. The more distracted you are, the better. Make plans with your friends, your partner… but don't stay in bed depressed, because it will make it much worse when it comes to coping with this grief.
- If you need it, talk about the topicnormalize it. Don't create a taboo around it because it will be harder for you to assimilate it.
- Go to therapy. You will notice frequent mood swings. Stress, insomnia, continued bad mood and anxiety may also be present during this difficult process. For this reason, psychological therapy may become a necessity.
How to get over your parents' breakup
To get over your parents' breakup, it may be helpful to:
- Speak without fear. Imagine therapy as a place where you can say what you feel without being criticized. It's important to see it as a refuge to deal with those emotions without worrying.
- It's not your fault. Therapy helps you understand that the divorce is not your fault. It helps you understand that things are changing, but that doesn't mean it's because of something you did.
- Tips to help you adapt. Therapy is also helpful in getting used to living between two houses. It also teaches you how to talk to your parents about what you need.
- Help your parents. Not only does it benefit children, but it also has a positive impact on parents. It facilitates more effective communication between them, strengthening the ability to collaborate in co-parenting.
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