Liana relationships can be defined as the relationships we have without leaving room for grief after suffering a breakup.
We go from one person to another right after leaving the relationship, in a way that hardly gives you time to get to know the other personwhich causes us to end up leaving a void within ourselves. If we don't get through the grieving processsomething that has to be done sooner or later, all our relationships will eventually fail.
These liana relationships are increasingly seen. Surely you know someone (if you are not yourself) who broke up with one person and shortly after was with another.
This way of becoming part of a relationship so quickly is a habit of the person who at some point will end up becoming aware of the emotional trap that she herself has created.
The feeling of emptiness and loss and thinking that love is useless are small ideas that in some cases can end up causing something as strong as depression.
Although there is no fixed time that we have to let pass between one relationship and another, what is clear is that That grieving process must be passed. No one can be our “one nail drives out another nail,” nor can we use someone to forget about the other person. All of these relationships are destined to fail.
What are liana relationships?
These are formed with the goal of forgetting a personWe get into relationships and are with people just to try to erase that pain that the person who made us year left us with. It's basically ending a relationship and starting another to try to forget our ex-partner.
It is something more common than we think and it is very common to see it in psychology consultations. These people seek help for their constant dissatisfaction and unhappiness. After all, having so many relationships in a row is not satisfying, even if we think it is.
You might wonder why these people start a relationship if they are not happy with it later. The answer is that They tend to seek the initial rush of endorphins and dopamine that attraction and falling in love offer.
This makes them delighted at first, but as soon as the effect wears off they no longer feel the same. When it goes down, the feeling of emptiness appears again and therefore they look again for something new that gives them that happiness, passion and excitement. so exaggerated. That's why Liana relationships only cause continued unhappiness except for those endorphin rushes.
Why do these types of relationships occur?
Humans We are not educated to deal with love and therefore we don't know how to do it. Most teenage couples who break up do everything they can to forget the other person by any means, such as, for example, being with a new person to make their ex-partner jealous.
There are some reasons by which liana relationships are given:
Research conducted at the University of Toronto, Canada, reveals that there are people who suffer from anxious attachment to need to always be with someone, but at the same time they are afraid of being abandoned. This fear makes their relationships doomed to failure. After the breakup, they look for another relationship to relieve the pain and loneliness.
More people than we imagine are very afraid of ending up alone. This fear makes them settle for the first person who comes along, even if they don't offer anything. This means that in the end they are with people just for the sake of it, without feeling anything for them.
- The myth of romantic love.
Even today, people still believe in the classic idealism of romantic love. According to this, There is nothing more drastic than having a new partner to forget the old one. Passion makes us forget everything and new loves are the band-aids to forget the past.
As I have mentioned, these are just romantic myths that they don't make sense.
Risks of liana relationships
People who suffer from this syndrome do this to avoid damaging their self-esteem. But in reality, they do even more harm to themselves. They think that by starting a relationship all their sorrows will go away., but They don't think about that If that relationship failswhich is most likely, will suffer doubly. They are avoiding grief and in the end they will have to go through it anyway.
Self-esteem will be doubly damaged and the fear of being alone will not disappear. emotional dependence would still be standing, something that prevents us from achieving our goals in life.
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How to establish healthy relationships?
In the world and in the century in which we live, we are accustomed to seeing relationships that are anything but healthy, but, although it may seem difficult, they can be achieved.
Below we show you 10 characteristics that a healthy relationship should have:
1. Realistic expectations.
We have to accept our partner as he or she is, not as we want him or her to be.
2. Good communication.
Being there for her when we need to be, talking, listening, showing interest, sharing our experiences and opinions, etc.
3. Flexibility.
Human beings are constantly changing. We cannot expect a person to remain the same as when we met them. Maturity, the way of thinking and the way of behaving are things that can evolve and change, and that does not necessarily mean they are bad. We cannot try to make a person behave the way we want.
4. Personal space.
We can't always focus on our relationship. Each person should have their own space to be with their family, friends or just alone. And that's the most normal thing.
5. Responsibility.
When we promise or say something and give our word, it is to fulfill it.
6. Clean discussions.
Conflicts and arguments arise in every relationship, and if they don't, it's a cause for concern. However, most people are unable to handle it well and end up throwing knives in the air, which they later regret.
At the time of conflict, the following attitudes must be taken into account:
- Talk about the problem when both members are ready. You can't talk about anything when you're still angry.
- Do not criticize to the other person.
- Trying to guess what he thinks is a mistake, you have to let him explain himself.
- Not remembering past things or experiences. Focus on the discussion now.
- If we are making mistakes, acknowledge it and apologize.
- Do not ridicule the other person when he or she is wrong.
- Come to an agreement and if you can't, respect each other.
7. Show love.
We all like to be given affection, especially from our partner.
8. Independence.
It's similar to personal space. It's our life and it can't revolve around one person. We need to be free, develop our activities and meet more people. A relationship shouldn't be the only thing we focus on.
9. Take all the time you need.
People mature and relationships grow. As time goes by, people get to know each other better and their trust grows. Each person goes at their own pace.
10. Be real.
Healthy relationships are like this because we show ourselves as we are, without pretending.
The importance of taking care of ourselves between relationships
When we end a relationship it has to end in a healthy way.
Many people who start a relationship with Liana do so by carrying with them the negative emotions left by their ex-partner. It is not good to start a relationship when we still have those feelings inside that can explode at any moment.
When a relationship breaks down, you have to take time to work through all those things that hurt and disturb us and that have left us traumatized. It is good to vent those feelings with people we trust. like our friends and family.
- Don't follow your ex on social media. The best thing to do is to cut off all contact with her, and that means deleting her from your social networks. If you don't, you'll still see her statuses and photos, which will make it impossible for you to forget her.
- Set new goals for yourself and start activities that keep your mind busy.
- When we break up with someone who has been important to us It's normal to have horrible thoughts like «I'm going to be alone» or «I'm not going to get over it.». But, we have to think that these thoughts are just that, nothing that is realIt is very common the first week, but you will see that as time passes everything will return to its place.
- Finally, before starting a relationship we have to think about what drives us: fear, loneliness, to forget someone, etc. A relationship is something serious, we have to be mature and aware of what we do.
And remember, one nail doesn't remove another, it only prevents the grief that one day you will have to go through.
How can a psychologist help improve self-esteem and self-love?
A psychologist has the appropriate knowledge to serve as a guide and help the person to develop the flexibility necessary so that in moments when low self-esteem attacks, you can act in a certain way.
The specialists They start by getting to know you a little with some questions as:
- Since when has this been happening to you?
- How many people know you're like this?
- Has it always been like this or has it been like this for a certain amount of time?
- What do you think are the reasons for you being like this?
After getting to know you better, They are able to start a self-esteem therapy in which they motivate you, make you see all the qualities you have and those you can improve. They also help you lead a lifestyle that suits you.
People with low self-esteem tend to be unrealistic because they do not see their inner potential. They tend to put themselves down and see others as much better than them, but this can change with therapy.
Psychologists They will help you raise your self-esteem by applying their knowledge to your needs. thus obtaining great results.
If after reading the article you have any questions, our psychologists at will answer them for you.
The first session is free. Try it!