From a very young age, our mothers have instilled in us that we must be faithful and respectful to all the people we love; but nevertheless we notice that from our childhood we see how they allow and remain silent, with great resignation, when most of their partners have love triangles and even squares.
I have always wondered if it is not a hypocritical invention of our society to censor people who openly declare themselves different from the guidelines that society imposes on us. If we make memories or investigate better some Islamic, South African and even Catholic societies, among others, accept or have accepted to be composed of marriages or unions in «polygyny and polyandry» or as we commonly know, polygamy.
After introspecting the culture that surrounds us, don’t you think that it is a radical position interposed by our society? (It is not uncommon for a woman to be envious of another declaring herself sexually free, because men are not rated so severely and even less among themselves, on the contrary, they are recognized as a merit); but I do not want to write about what is good and what is bad, nor do I intend to sell anyone the idea that being unfaithful or polygamous is correct, I am simply going to tell you about my experience.
Like any good girl, I like to pay attention to the gamin, the majority of women, both in our society and in any other Western culture, have the freedom, in principle, to choose who we are going to give our affections to. I was no exception to this principle and I chose the one with the “P”on the forehead, I assure you that it was not the initial or the name, nor did it mean prince, nor precious and no positive adjective (I leave it to your imagination).
Like all naive that at some point in life we are the majority of good women, that we are attracted to this type of specimen, the altar we built for her is small next to any cathedral. Then the façade of the altar is affected by the overwhelming evidence that we have failed in the election; Despite the above, we believe that our love and dedication will change the essence of this character. «Girls please, let’s react, these relationships are a vicious and harmful circle, people do not change for anyone, a clear example is the mothers who spill entire seas to get their children out of bad vices or bad steps, and how many succeed? ?”.
Continuing with my story, I fell for one of these characters, this story I know will sound quite familiar to most, a studious and hardworking girl with many dreams one day gets involved with this character and that’s when everyone world asks: but what did he see?
I don’t know exactly what is happening to us, but at one point we underwent the transformation, after being a confident, attractive woman, with good self-esteem, enterprising and risk-taking, I became a submissive, dependent, self-critical, conformist woman, with very low self-esteem and addicted to this person. The feeling that I was lucky that this specimen noticed me made me feel triumphant before the rest of the females and I ended up being «the unconditional one».
As time passed, I realized that my life revolved around him; he was no longer happy, on the contrary, he was unhappy. At all times I lived with that distaste of whether the love he professed to me was real or he lied to me, «Who is he with? Why doesn’t he go out with me? Will I live up to him? Am I pretty enough to him?, should I try harder to please him?,” among many more demons.
I lived like this for a long time until the tests were so overwhelming that I had no way to justify my partner’s bad habits, my self-esteem no longer existed, I no longer saw attractiveness anywhere, the hard-working and enterprising thing still persisted, the accounts they did not expect and more when our generosity pays tastes and other people’s accounts.
But what a good friend says happens: «When the night is darkest it will soon dawn», and maybe it didn’t dawn as I dreamed, but the light appeared. In the midst of the pain, frustration and disappointment caused by this type of relationship, the illusion reappears in our lives, the escape from that harsh reality; as if by magic I was entangled in the honeys of love and was the protagonist of a stormy love triangle, as if I were a teenager, without realizing it or measuring consequences, you wrap yourself in a momentary dream, in the warm heat of a bonfire and you end up doing what you never allowed yourself to think: TO BE UNFAITHFUL.
I do not justify or punish myself, on the contrary, if I found myself in the same situation again, I think I would do it again. Although it did not transcend, thanks to that experience I recovered my self-esteem, I learned that my happiness should not depend on anyone and thanks to that person I recovered something of what I once was; I do not regret what I did, I only know that I paid a very high price for loving another person above myself.