The infidelity It is one of the most common problems that can occur in a relationship. Day after day, patients come to our offices seeking to treat the consequences of infidelity. Jealousy, resentment, lack of trust and low self-esteem are some of the side effects of betraying a partner's trust.
A person who has suffered infidelity can have two fairly common reactions. Either they will cut all ties with their partner, because their lack of commitment has been the straw that broke the camel's back in a problematic relationship; or they will try to forgive her.
Despite their good intentions, people who choose this attitude often encounter numerous difficulties when it comes to forgiving to your partner.
Perhaps you, who are reading this article, are so affected by the pain that you don't know how to trust your partner again. But do you know why infidelity hurts so much?
Why do infidelities hurt?
Some infidelities are the result of a series of problems that have been occurring in the relationship. Others occur without warning, when everything is going well.
We cannot make an exact portrait of the unfaithful, but we can affirm that all infidelities, without exception, hurt. And They hurt for the following reasons:
- Because it is a blow to self-esteem. We usually see infidelity as proof that something has not gone well in the relationship. The cheated person draws a message from the infidelity: “I have not been enough, but someone else has.” When they discover who their partner has cheated on them with, comparisons often arise. They think that “the other person” is more handsome, smarter, more intelligent, more successful, better in bed… In short, infidelity makes those who suffer from it think that they have not been good enough for their partner.
- Because it exposes the farce in which we have lived. Let's face it, a relationship encompasses a large part of the lives of both partners. Even if they don't share a home, they surely spend a lot of time together. That's why discovering an infidelity shakes the foundations of what they have shared as a couple. It's not just that the unfaithful person has lied, it's that the other person has believed their lies. And, when they realize this, they begin to question the veracity of everything that surrounded that relationship.
- Because it shows the worst of the infidel. At worst, the unfaithful person is shown to be a treacherous person who does not think about the well-being of his partner. At best, he is shown to be a coward incapable of ending a relationship with problems. No matter what the situation, an infidelity shows the person who suffers from it the defects of his partner.
How to forgive an infidelity?
Not everyone is able to forgive infidelity. Sometimes, when you weigh up the good and the bad, the betrayal weighs too much to ignore.
However, There are people who are willing to forgive an infidelity. If you are one of those people, remember that it probably won't be an easy road.
Before you decide to forgive, or not, you must ask yourself a series of questions: How do you feel about infidelity? How do you feel about your partner? Do you still love him or her? Do you understand the reasons that led him or her to do it? Do you think you can trust your partner again?
If after this assessment you still want to forgive, you should keep in mind some important points:
Therapy is always a good option
Sometimes it is not enough to have good intentions. Sometimes we want to forgive, but we cannot. Resentment overwhelms us and we find ourselves living in anger and reproach again and again.
In this context, having the help of a psychologist can be very useful. couples therapy can help heal the problems between you, whether they are the cause or consequence of infidelity. Individual therapy can help you heal the broken pieces inside you.
At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. Throughout our career We have helped more than 1,600 patients overcome various emotional problems. If you are interested in seeking the help of an online psychologist, you can request a free first session by clicking on the button below.
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It is important that you accept your pain
Forgiving an infidelity is possible, but trying to deceive yourself is not the best way to do it.
In order to effectively overcome the damage suffered, you have to accept everything that has happened. Then, you must understand that your feelings are valid and you must give yourself time to heal.
Talk to your partner about how you feel and try to set boundaries so that what happened does not happen again.
Forgiving infidelity is not about forgetting, but about limiting the weight of resentment. It is an arduous process that involves reinventing the relationship from its foundations.
Silvia Congost
To forgive you must be willing to move on
Feeling resentment after an infidelity is totally normal. Someone you loved, with whom you shared beautiful moments, confidences and intimacy, has betrayed you.
However, deciding to forgive an infidelity means being willing to start from scratch. This doesn't mean that what your partner has done is right, but it is necessary to put resentment aside if you want to rebuild a strong and healthy relationship. Recriminations have no place in forgiveness.
You need to rethink your beliefs about infidelity
Infidelity is a cowardly and harmful act that poisons many relationships. That is why many people consider it unforgivable.
However, it is sometimes difficult to maintain that firmness when you love the person who has been unfaithful so much. In order to forgive infidelity, it is important to accept that what they have done to you was not right, but it is also important to understand the reasons behind it and understand, too, that can be forgiven.
Only then will you be able to rebuild a solid relationship.
At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. Throughout our career we have helped more than 2,000 patients overcome various emotional problems. If you are interested in seeking the help of an online psychologist, you can request a free first session by clicking on the button below.
Why choose
- We have been leaders in online psychological care since 2012.
- First informational appointment free.
- Online therapy from 40 euros per session.
- Team of senior psychologists, with decades of experience.
- All the therapy we offer is via videoconference. 100% confidential.
- The same psychologist will attend to you throughout the treatment.
- At you do not lose the money for the sessions. If you cannot connect or are not there, the session is postponed to another day.
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