The unhappiness It is a common feeling in therapy, although it is usually hidden behind other names. Patients tell us “I am not happy at work”, “I don’t feel like doing anything” or “I have lost my enthusiasm”. But in most cases the question hidden behind these problems is usually: «Is it possible to stop being unhappy?»
Even if it is true, It is hard to accept that one is unhappy. Putting it into words is like removing a specially adhered Band-Aid from the skin. It's like leaving a wound open and waiting for it to heal. But sometimes it happens: someone comes to their first session and, without further ado, tells their therapist that they are unhappy.
This is the case of Selene, who claims to be deeply unhappy with her life. She explains that her unhappiness comes from the constant worry that plagues her life: she has financial problems, she doesn't like her job, she and her partner argue a lot… She lives frustrated, unable to pay attention to the good times.
Selene does not know if the origin of her feelings is a depressive disorder. She is only clear about one thing: wants to stop being unhappy.
What is unhappiness and why does it appear?
Unhappiness is nothing but absence of happinessThere are many other words that can describe this unpleasant feeling: unhappiness, dissatisfaction, demotivation…
It is an unpleasant feeling, but not uncommon. Recently, a survey by Ipsos revealed that unhappiness is a real pandemic in our country. 45% of Spaniards declare themselves unhappywhich makes Spain the second unhappiest country in Europe.
But why are we unhappy? Well, experts say that it has to do with human nature. Does this mean that, as people, we are destined to be unhappy? No!
What happens is that we are the product of billions of years of evolution, which have led our brain to develop a series of patterns that allow us to survive. But these patterns brain schemes They are so old that they are not adapted to modern life and sometimes conflict with our current needs.
In fact, that is often one of the causes of anxiety. After all, anxiety is nothing more than a natural response to potentially dangerous stimuli. It is a signal for our body to prepare to fight or flee. So what is the problem?
The problem is that many of the situations that cause us anxiety today are not solved by fighting or fleeing.
But the body doesn't listen to reason, so when faced with danger, it activates the mechanisms of anxiety: it increases your blood flow, accelerates your breathing and fills you with energy so that you can face that danger. However, you don't run away or fight, and the excess of energy makes anxiety become a problem.
Something similar happens with unhappiness. Our brain offers us a series of tools to manage our daily livesgives us ways to manage emotions, to understand the world… But these tools are not always useful. Sometimes they conflict with other parts of our being and make us fall into contradictions.
It is then, when we do not know what to do to get out of situations unscathed, that unhappiness arises.
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Is it possible to stop being unhappy?
Stop being unhappy It's not easy, but it's possibleHowever, you must be aware that unhappiness is often linked to a series of habits and that you will have to work hard to eliminate them.
For example, It is pertinent to eliminate victimhood of your life. That doesn't mean you don't have the right to be sad or angry if something goes wrong. So-called negative emotions are natural, and you need to feel them in order to let them go. Just avoid dwelling on them.
Also You will need to get rid of excusesIf you need to change something, don't make excuses. Just do it. You don't even have to get it right the first time: do it the way you know how and hone your technique along the way. The surest way to fail is to not try.
And of course, Don't spend your life anchored to the past or waiting for the future. The past is unattainable and the future is uncertain. The present is the only thing that is real right now and only if you pay attention to it can you learn to be happy in the here and now.
5 tips to stop being unhappy
- Be kind to yourself.
- Surround yourself with positive and constructive peoplewilling to help you and accompany you in good and bad times.
- Don't deprive yourself of the things you enjoyno matter how small. Sometimes an afternoon at the cinema or a relaxing bath is enough to fix a bad day.
- Try to laugh and smile. Remember that happiness is learned and that when you smile, you are telling your brain that you are happy.
- Be patient.
If none of these things work, then it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. A psychologist can help you regain your happiness and eliminate all those habits that are ruining your daily life.
At we have been helping patients from all over the world find their well-being since 2012. We were pioneers in offering online therapy and that is why we know that it is an economical, but equally effective, alternative to traditional therapies.
To date, more than 1,600 people have turned to us to find an online psychologist. If you also want to try our services, you can request a consultation First session free by clicking the button below.