Rocio, 58 years old, arrives at the psychology consultation due to the insistence of her family who say that she has become a negative, complaining, easily irritated, apathetic person and with no apparent enthusiasm for anything.
After overcoming Rocío's initial resistance, composed of distrust and the many disappointments that accompany it, the truth is that her family is not far off. The difficult thing in this case is that Rocío can see herself in a somewhat objective way and appreciate herself as if she were outside of herself and ask herself: do I like myself?
What is the negative personality like?
It is one that describes people from a general negativity and the fact that they refuse to do everything that others want or that people around them ask them to do. They are also impulsive, easily irritated, grumpy, discontented and highly critical with the opinions of others.
They are always found grumpy, dissatisfied and installed in continuous complaint, with which they discourage the illusions of others since are demoralizing for the environment. However, They feel satisfied with the others though distressed with themselves.
Their behaviour is ambivalent, so that if they are alone, they want to be with their family and if they are with their family, they will do everything possible to go to bed and be alone. If they are given a gift, they will always find a «but» and will end up returning and/or exchanging it, but if they do not receive a gift, they will feel offended, rejected or ignored. If they command, they complain that others do not support them; if they do not command, they criticise those who do and do not help them.
Previously they were called passive-aggressive personality disorder. A diagnosis which was questioned since it referred, above all, to the behavioral strategies used in some situations that could become adaptive strategiesHowever, this set of strategies does not define a personality disorder.
Is it related to oppositional defiant behavior disorder?
This conduct disorder It could be a copy of the oppositional personality disorder since the first one frequently throws tantrums, argues with adults, challenges authority figures, does not fulfill his obligations, deliberately bothers other people, accuses others of his bad behavior or mistakes, is easily bothered by the opinions of others, and has resentment.
On the other hand, the oppositional defiant behavior disorder, more common in adolescenceis characterized by a pattern of anger/irritability, argumentativeness/defiance and oppositional behavior exhibited during interactions with anyone, preferably authority figures – such as parents, teachers, and other relevant adults – but not with a sibling.
All of this produces a manifest discomfort both in the person who suffers from the disorder and in his or her immediate environment – family, school, social – thus producing a negative impact in the main areas of his or her life.
The presentation of this conduct disorder It has been associated with various risk factors: family stress, educational styles based on punishment and reinforcement of aggressive behavior, inconsistent patterns of education and family learning without any type of positive reinforcement that favors anxiety, feelings of guilt and insecurity.
In addition, it is a disorder that is often associated with ADHD and, in adolescence, with the antisocial personality disorderHowever, when using the MCM-II in diagnosed adults, various studies have found that the negative personality disorder appears in 90% of cases, that is, much more than the antisocial personality disorder.
Does being negative affect your health?
The answer is quite forceful: Yes, it affects both physical and emotional health.And, no, it is not that now, by magic, we all become the so-called “happy flowers”, but what research studies show is that Having a positive attitude improves our quality of life.
At the level of physical health, studies carried out by Harvard University and published in Psychological Bulletin, show that Being negative is a risk factor for cardiovascular problemsAccording to the study, people with a positive attitude have a 50% lower risk of suffering from these pathologies.
Negative people make complaining their way of life
Other medical disorders they present include hypertension, tension headaches and circulatory problems.
And, in addition, their emotions are altered. Well, and those of the people around them. They are people who have made complaining their way of life; if it is a holiday, because they are active today and would like to be in the office; if it is a work day, because they are exhausted and need to rest, they need a holiday and this day after day, week after week… year after year…
On the other hand, it presents high comorbidity cwith various disorders, especially with substance and alcohol dependence as well as impulse control disorders and eating disorders. anxietywhich includes the stress.
Guidelines for dealing with a negative person
- Don't tell him Tell a person who is in a bad mood “don’t be in a bad mood”, “stop being in a bad mood” or similar things, because – even if you have good reasons – the truth is that they will get upset and an unnecessary conflict will end up being generated. Ignore their negativity and try not to let it affect you.
- You don't have to encourage hersolve their problems, try to change things for them or have a solution for their negativity. This person has to want to change and as it will probably be difficult for them to do so on their own, seek professional help if they want to improve their life satisfaction. At we offer free advice. Leave us your question and our team of professionals will contact you. online psychologists.
- Negative people tend to exaggeratecatastrophize and minimize any positive situation in their life while maximizing every negative detail. But don't try to make them see it, don't use their advice because they will tell you that they didn't ask for it and everything would end in a confrontation, reinforcing their idea of »everyone is against me.» The best thing is to respond with evasive answers that don't condemn their negativity.
- Set limits. Realize that it is not your responsibility to deal with this person's negativity, so if it affects you too much, walk away. The question is, who is it? Because if it is a coworker, you can always say, «I'm sorry, I have to get on with work» in a nice way.
The real problem comes when that negative person is a member of your family – and even more so if you live with them – then the question is to take a break from time to time, such as going out for a walk. If you don't live with them, it's as simple as not picking up the phone systematically every time they call.
- Always give your opinion. A pessimistic person will try to convince you that this bad streak you are having will never go away, that everything will get worse or that a world catastrophe is coming. If you do not believe that this negative and toxic vision is true, tell them “no, bad streaks are just that, bad streaks.” Try to explain to them that the way we face what happens to us is what makes negative people different from positive people.
- Never give in to him hoping that he will shut up. In any case, it is better not to continue the conversation. The best thing is always to tell him, in a polite way, what we think.
- Don't try to change it by force. Surely, this is an adult person who, although reluctantly and in a susceptible manner, makes his own decisions. It is very possible that in the end we will lose patience and the positive message of change that we wanted to transmit will sound like a reprimand, a scolding or anger. The only thing we will achieve is that his bad mood and negativity will increase and neither will our message come through, nor will we have more opportunities to do better. That person will continue to be stuck in complaining and being negative, making it his way of understanding life.
- Look at yourself. Seeing that person can help us observe our own negative aspects – we all have them, including the most positive person in the world. In this way, we will see that if it is uncomfortable and/or annoying for us to see another person complaining and having a negative attitude all the time, we are equally uncomfortable and annoying for other people when we have a negative attitude.
This could be the best summary of this article: What you don't want for yourself, don't want for othersHappy January!