In theory, family is a group of people who exist to care for and help each other, but family relationships are not always as we would like. Have you ever had the feeling that your parents or siblings do not respect your privacy? Have you ever felt obliged to attend a family meeting or event out of obligation? Have you ever had to please someone against your will?
We often exceed certain limits. (unconsciously or not) that must be established in all types of relationships. This leads to unpleasant situations that even affect us emotionally.because nobody likes to have a bad relationship or conflict with their father or brother.
We must understand that a relationship in which we act differently than who we really are is not healthy. Sometimes it is hard work, even when these situations hurt us, but establishing and determining limits with our family members is necessary to achieve full health, both mentally and emotionally; and to be able to enjoy our relationships with others.
Tips to take control of your life without depending on your family
Most of the time, setting limits is a big problem for us. This happens basically for three reasons:
- The first one is an early education in which we are taught that we must please everyoneto be kind and not to displease anyone. This often leads us to put the well-being of others before our own; especially because fear of rejection.
- The second reason is the fact that Living in a society that makes us feel obliged to not be out of place. Do not bother anyone, do not express too much opinion, do not speak up if we are treated badly at work, allow bad behavior from our partner, tolerate bad manners from clients at work, etc.
- The last one is the excess tolerance that exists in many family relationships. This excess allows for “abuses” and intrusions into personal life and personal space. A mother, like a child, is not obliged to tolerate all kinds of actions. This is where the problem often arises: fear of “what will they say” and the feeling of guilt that limits us.
What we must know is that the education we received and the society in which we grew up do not have to be the best, nor the owners of the absolute truth. From our maturity we must have sufficient criteria and make use of tools that allow us to live as we are and be happy; learn to say “NO”.
Okay, it's time to set boundaries, but how do I do it? How do I overcome fear? What if they get angry with me? Am I being selfish?
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Know yourself
In order to establish limits, you must first know where they are, and that means knowing yourself. Self-knowledge leads you to know what your own rules are. Find the right moment It's not enough to know your limits. Every person is different, thinks differently, and acts differently. Limits don't have to be the same for you and your parents; in fact, they probably won't be the same in most cases.
If you have to set limits, try to do it at the right time; Find a neutral place where you can communicate well and where other concerns don't influence you. Always try to create a pleasant atmosphere and show good intentions.. It is important to take into account your emotional state and the other person's. You must make sure that you will be able to control your words and show good intentions. If you are in a moment of tension, it is better to wait. The same goes for others: find a moment when they are calm and receptive.
Try not to let their reaction get out of hand; although this does not depend directly on us, it is important to be empathetic and understanding with others. Be brave Avoid any feelings of guilt. Many people believe that setting certain limits is part of a selfish attitude, but it is about showing yourself as you are and defining your intimate and personal space.
It is more It is a sign of love: love towards yourself and towards others, towards the relationship.Otherwise it wouldn't be fair, nobody has to show themselves as different from how they really are. You don't need anyone's approval, you are the one who values your own life and your way of understanding the world. Others, if they love you, should accept it and respect your decisions.
Don't judge We set limits for ourselves, for our way of being and understanding things. Setting limits means talking about ourselves, about how we feel. It is not about judging others or attacking them. We should even acknowledge their feelings, but explaining that we do not agree with them.
We have to explain what makes us feel uncomfortable, try to make the other person evaluate for themselves their behavior towards us and rectify it. Being assertive is the key, moving away from passivity and aggressiveness: assert and defend our rights, without violating or altering the rights of others.
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