The fear of love, that is what many people have. Everything is good in their life, but they feel empty. They would like to have someone who complements them, who enriches their life, but at the same time they don't want to think about it. It seems that they run away from that thing called love.
Why are we afraid of love?
This is more common than you think. Many people want to fall in love, but at the same time they are afraid and that is why they run away from that possibility. To forget about it, some people focus on their work or other goals. Others decide to have casual relationships or some get into impossible love affairs.
But behind all that there are people who want to love someone with all their might. However, you may be wondering if all those people want to share their life with someone What makes them afraid of love?
The answer is that there are many reasons, but, without a doubt, it is because we are afraid of suffering. We fear falling in love and not having it reciprocated, something that will make us suffer in the end.
We must take into account that love has good things and bad things. On the one hand, it can give us moments of happiness and well-being, but it can also make us suffer deeply due to deception or disappointment.
When we love someone we become vulnerable Because love brings down the walls that exist between the “I” and the loved one. For this reason, We are more exposed to suffering if something bad happens.
We are so afraid of having a bad time that We give up on love little by little without realizing it, We isolate ourselves and close doors to possible relationships. We don't want to know anything about love when it is one of the most beautiful things that can happen.
How does this fear arise?
It is clear that each person has their own opinion, but the most common ones are:
– Bad experiences in previous relationships
We have loved someone with all our might and in the end it turned out that they were not for us. All illusions are lost and we have to suffer.
Sometimes not, but many other times relationships end because of betrayal or deception. This causes us great pain, something that takes time to heal and often leaves us with a scar. Traumatic experiences can make us fear love in case something similar happens to us again.
We don't want to go through that again, so we distance ourselves and avoid starting any relationship. We think that if it was done to us in the past, it will probably be done to us in the future, and we prefer to keep our armor rather than suffer.
– We are afraid that our life will change
When we fall in love, our lives inevitably change. We have to start making schedules, meeting up with other people and not just our friends, we have to take someone into account, worry about them, etc. Something out of the ordinary in our routine.
Changes are not easy and, being human beings, we are people of habit. In all changes there is always the possibility of errorof failure, something that scares us a lot.
– Low self-esteem sabotages us
People who have low self-esteem think that they will never find someone who suits them. They are people who do not love themselves and are not sure of themselves and for that reason They think that with all their defects no one will love them. They have it in their heads that it is impossible for them to be loved.
They focus on typical impossible loves and do not give a chance to people who are truly interested in them. They prefer to focus on someone impossible so they don't have to start a relationship.
3 steps to overcome the fear of love
As with almost all fears, The first step to overcoming it is to recognize that it exists. If we deny it and make excuses to ourselves, we will not be able to overcome the fear of loving and falling in love.
We have to admit that we certainly do want to start a relationshipto love someone and feel that they love us, But we have a hard time overcoming those barriers. and insecurities. With this, we will have made great progress. We have to be honest with ourselves.
However, this does not end here. By accepting and recognizing it we take a big step, but apart from that you can choose to put it to the test Other tips that we are going to show you below:
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Analyze your habits and what you can change
Most of the time we do this unconsciously. We start to have a routine, different habits and behaviors that make us move away from love. We must take into account what these behaviors are and how we can change them.
For example, If we start to get to know someone, it is better not to meet many more people. That is, we don't have to be tied to anything, but Before changing we could stop to get to know the person better.what he likes, what his future plans are, etc. If we have a lot of dates all the time It will only prevent us from achieving a deeper connection with someone.
Also, for people who are focused only on their work They could break their routine a little and sign up for other activities to meet new people.
If you are one of those people who focuses on the famous impossible loves that we have talked about before, Focus on the people around you, there is sure to be someone who can break your mold.
Don't listen to your mind
At this point you have already completed the first step and have changed those routines that prevented you from believing in love.
You may be meeting someone who is interesting to you and you are starting to like them, but Your head is generating thousands of reasons for you to run away and get away from that person.
The fear of love attacks and ideas that are not true begin to emerge.You think that he's not for you, that you don't like him physically, that he holds the glass in a different way than you, that you're not compatible in terms of musical taste, and so on. Your head thinks that you're completely different.
You have to be careful here, Many times this is not real and they are just excuses in your head so that you do not feel anything for that person.
For that very reason you should relax. Meeting someone is nothing serious, You don't have to get married or spend the rest of your life with that person. You are just getting to know each other and you should not close any doors to this new possible relationship.
Feel free to try it
Movies teach us that great loves are those we fall in love with at first sight, but we have to know that this is not true.
A person may not give you butterflies at first sight, but that doesn't mean you can't get to know them further. You probably know two people who didn't like each other at first and are now dating.
If you find the person nice you should give them a chance, you might end up falling in love with her.
The first step to establishing a bond is to give a chance to that person and stay with her, with that nothing is lost.
To lose fear you have to face it. If you're afraid of driving, drive; if you're afraid of swimming, jump in the pool; and if you're afraid of love, meet someone.
If after reading this article you have any questions, our psychologists at will answer them for you.
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