How to forget the past and start over – Online Psychologists

Life is the present, not the past or the future. However, memories of the past can creep into the present and prevent us from enjoying every moment.

When past experiences come to pay us a visit, but that visit ends up being a constant, it can disrupt our current routine. When feeling nostalgic and yearning for the past becomes a habit, we will distance ourselves from the present. The past is lived as if it were now, which is not healthy at all.

Surely we have asked ourselves at some point: Why do I remember the past and am unable to forget it?

The idealization from the past

When you feel that the past continually overshadows the present, it may mean that you have fallen into the trap of mental idealization. From this perspective, you exaggerate the nice details of the reality of that moment and ignore the things that were not so perfect. This causes you to constantly compare the past and the present. When you associate these two elements, you feel that what is happening now is not as good as what happened in the past.

If it is true that idealization It usually has more room in the field of relationshipsThis is what happens with the typical first love that we cannot forget.

In this way, the idealization of the past is also linked to the identification of youth as the most important stage of human beings. People feel that losing their youth means losing their vital glow, which makes them more vulnerable to the risk of idealization that takes away joy.

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The key is to forgive

There are cases where if you don't forget the past, the situation is relived again. The person cannot break this knot because he or she has not forgotten what happened and this causes the negative feelings to flourish again.

We must make it clear that forgiveness does not mean erasing what happened or literally forgetting it. No one can do that because our memory reminds us. But forgiveness is necessary so that a person is not tied to past emotions. It is an indispensable gesture for freedom.

Sometimes there are people who cannot forget the past and live in the present, something that depends a lot on the attitude of the person who positions themselves as the “victim.”

We may even come to think that the memories and negative emotions from the situation we experienced will haunt us forever, but this is not the case. If it is true that we cannot forget the past completely, But we can prevent those memories from sneaking into our daily lives and making our lives impossible.

In order for these memories not to torture us, we must overcome them and to do so we must do an exercise that involves accepting what we have experienced without judging it any longer. Learning to forgive people who hurt us and not being resentful is very important.If we don't do this, we won't move forward.

If we want to vent We can express our feelings to someone we trust.This person will give us their point of view and may also help us gain another perspective.

Why can't I forget the past?

It's a question you've probably asked yourself many times. When you live in the past and not in the present, it makes you evade your responsibility to make decisions. Your past is something that cannot be changed, you know how the events that happened at each moment developed and what the end of each situation was.

However, When you make decisions in the present you don't know what will happen and this makes you experience a feeling of uncertainty because you can't control everything. This causes the body to emit a defense mechanism to protect us from possible disappointments or negative situations that affect our self-esteem and does so by avoiding new responsibilities by using the past as an excuse and not as a learning experience.

There are situations that, due to their magnitude and ability to mark us in our lives, can produce a recurring memory of yesterday. These events become a personal reference due to the great impact they had on us. even though time has passed.

In such cases, learning means being able to remember what happened without being emotionally affected.

Steps you have to follow to forget the past and be happy:

Forget the past It is not something simple and to be able to do it you must follow these:

  • Keep the memory in mind: Although we may think that repressing bad events is the best thing to do, it is not. If we do that, we only block negative feelings and do not manage them correctly, which will not help us at all because they will remain in our subconscious. Therefore, the first thing is to remember them.
  • Do not judge the event: If we say that the memory is bad, it will make us change it and see it even worse than it was. In order to let go of it, we have to hold on to it, appreciate it, remember it and not judge it.
  • Forgive ourselves and forgive: After analyzing and dealing with it, it is time to forgive. We have to leave the hatred of the past behind and stop feeling responsible for what happened or stop making others feel that way. If our goal is to be happy, guilt is of no use.
  • Overcome and move on: When everything is over, we must focus on our personal growth and taking care of our loved ones. This is a very important step.
  • Enjoy the good: At first it will be difficult for us to focus on positive emotions, but once we have learned to live in the present and not in the past, it will be easy.

Applying all the strategies learned is a big step towards being happy. Leaving the past behind means the ability to overcome problems, maturity and good resilience strategies.

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Forget the past that causes us pain

Everyone has bad memories and that is something we cannot erase because the past is something we do not want to experience again but we cannot forget. And it is proven, The more painful it is, the harder it is to forget it.

All those bad experiences can take their toll on us because if they leave a mark on us, they can change us completely, from our way of being to the way we relate to people.

The best thing would be to forget about it from one day to the next, but that is impossible.Everything has its own pace and each person is different, some will find it more difficult and others less. In fact, you can count on the help of a online psychologist from the team to help you face this stage of your life. Try a free session now.

It must be said that if the past is not causing any kind of trauma, there is no need to forget it or force ourselves to do so. We have to take time and know what we need at each moment.

Living in the present is the best option

When we have managed to leave the past behind and are no longer anchored to past events, we can start living our lives focusing on the present. A good way is to set short-term goals and see if we are able to achieve them. This can increase our self-esteem and lead to great learning.

We have to accept that the future is uncertain and we cannot know what will happen and the past is something we cannot change. That is why it is so important that we accept that living here and now is the best we can do. The present means enjoying the opportunities and good times that life gives us and overcoming different challenges. This won't be easy, but you have to think that something is learned from bad experiences.

If memories haunt you and you don't know how to deal with it, it's best to go to a specialist who can help you deal with it with the right tools.

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