Empathy is considered one of the most important qualities of the human being. It is defined as the ability to put yourself in another’s place to understand their feelings and act, without judging them, with tolerance, respect and compassion..
When you are an empath, you are able to feel and understand both the joys and sorrows and pain of others, as well as assume an appropriate attitude in each circumstance. Empathy allows you to provide support and understanding, as well as helping you to be compassionate towards the situations that others experience and their way of reacting to them.
In biological and neurological terms, empathy is given thanks to the so-called mirror neurons, which are the cells responsible for compassion. On the other hand, empathetic people are often highly sensitivewhich implies a low threshold for stimulation, the need for alone time, sensitivity to light, sound and smell, as well as an aversion to large groups.
are you empathic Find out!
To find out, Take the following 20-question self-assessment proposed by the psychotherapist Judith Orloff, author of the book Survival guide for highly empathic and sensitive people.
Read the questions and reflect for a moment, be honest and answer «mostly yes» or «mostly no» to each one.
- Am I often described as overly sensitive, shy, or introverted?
- Do I often feel overwhelmed or anxious?
- Do arguing or yelling make me sick?
- Do I often feel like I don’t fit in?
- Am I exhausted by crowds and need alone time to regain my energy?
- Am I overstimulated by noises, smells, or people who talk nonstop?
- Do I have difficulty tolerating clothes with striped patterns?
- In a crowded place, do I prefer to occupy the places near the exit so that I can leave early if necessary?
- Do I eat excessively to cope with stress?
- Am I afraid of feeling suffocated by intimate relationships?
- Do I startle easily?
- Do I react strongly to caffeine or medications?
- Do I have a low pain threshold?
- Do I tend to isolate myself socially?
- Do I absorb other people’s stress, emotions, or symptoms?
- Am I overwhelmed by multitasking and prefer to do one thing at a time?
- Do I recover from spending time in nature?
- Do I need a lot of time to recover after being around difficult people or «energy vampires»?
- Do I feel better in small towns or in the country than in big cities?
- Do I prefer one-on-one interactions or small groups rather than large gatherings?
Now check your results:
- If you answered «mostly yes» to one to five questionsyou are at least partially empathic.
- If you answered «mostly yes» to six to 10 questionsmeans that you have moderate empathic tendencies.
- If you answered «mostly yes» from 11 to 15 questionsmeans you have strong empathic tendencies.
- If you answered «mostly yes» to more than 15 questions it means you are a total empath.
How to be more empathic?
Unless it is someone with psychopathic traits (characterized by lacking empathy from birth, being unable to access the pain or happiness of others), for anyone else empathy is a quality that can be developed and strengthened by putting into practice habits such as the following.
Put yourself in the place of the other
That old phrase of putting yourself in the other’s shoes is one of the most important premises for empathy. Be careful, here it is not a question of thinking what you would do, but of understanding why the other does what he does. Maybe in that situation you wouldn’t cry or get angry, but that person would; the point is to understand why and be compassionate about his motivations.
So, before judging or minimizing the feelings of others, put yourself in the other’s place, see things from their eyes, with their circumstances, from their personality and values; so you can understand the reasons why he reacts and acts as he does.
imagine what you would do
When you disagree with what someone else does or with the way they react to certain situations or problems, think about what you would do in their place, how you would feel, and how those emotions would affect your actions. The exercise can help you understand that it is not always easy to respond in the best possible way.
never judge
No one should judge anyone, because each person’s life story and circumstances are different, in addition to the fact that each one has made mistakes at different levels.
Avoiding judgment is key to being empathetic, especially when you are unaware of the environment in which the other person has operated and the context of the situation that you have had to witness. Do not make judgments about the actions of others, and you will see how easy it is to relate from compassion.
Learn to listen attentively and without interrupting
It’s important to listen to what the other person is saying without talking about yourself (avoid saying things like «The same thing happened to me and I did something like that» or «I know what it’s like to go through that, but it’s not that bad») .
Listen carefully, without interrupting him, without minimizing what he feels or criticizing what he says. If you have doubts or do not understand something well, ask instead of assuming; part of empathy is also being interested in knowing more, as this makes the person feel understood.
Understand the contexts of each person
As mentioned above, each person develops and develops in very different contexts and situations. If one person is different from another it is, firstly, because of their character and personality and, secondly, because each person has grown up in different environments and has been educated with different values. Understanding this will help you to be more empathetic.
avoid expectations
Many times, conflicts and judgments of others arise because you create expectations about how you think they should react or think, and because you generally expect them to act as you would. If you avoid expectations and let others act as they are, without it bothering or affecting you, there will be much less conflict and your empathy will grow.
Cover image: Freepik