It must be remembered that dating and being a couple means that there is a situation in which the two members feel attraction for each other, and another series of feelings that make them want to be together forever. A couple is made up of intimacy, passion and commitment.
Normally, when people have been together for a long time and the relationship evolves and progresses, a series of steps are usually taken that make them more committed and among them is the one of move in together.
But not all people think the same. Each person has their own rhythm and the fact of having to go live with your partner can appear very soon and suddenly, something that makes us not ready or really not want to live with it yet and that is not a bad thing.
If your partner has already asked you to move in with him or her and you are constantly wondering how you can tell him or her that you don't want to without hurting him or her and you don't know how, Stay and read this article because we are going to give you some advice so that you know how to handle this situation.
Analyze where your relationship is at
First of all you have to think what are the reasons that have led you to not want to live with your partner. You should think about whether it is only because You don't want to live together yet or because you think it's not the right timeor, on the contrary, There is something behind that does not make you happy and for that reason you don't want to. Whenever it's one of those cases where you don't feel comfortable or happy, You have to look after your feelings and yourself. before the other person.
The fact of living together It is something very serious, that is to say, It's pure intimacyThat person will know your flaws, your quirks, the things you don't like, he will see you when you get up, when you go to bed, when you eat and when you have dinner.
Don't want to share space or are you afraid of commitment?
If simply You are a person who likes to live alone and does not want to share space with anyone. It doesn't have to be that things are going badly, you don't feel like it, but you're fine. Why risk ruining something that works? It's a common question to ask yourself this question.but you have to think Relationships move forward and this is one of the stepsso it is normal that the other person does want to give it.
It may also be that you don't want to take the step because You are afraid of commitment to move forward in your relationship and to commit more to living together. If this is the case, you have to know that fear does not lead to progress, only regression. You cannot say that you are not going to try because you are afraid that living together will not work, If a relationship has to work, it will work, and if it doesn't, it won't work, regardless of whether you live together or not.
So, if it's because you're afraid that your relationship will fail, go ahead and take the plunge, you may be in for a surprise. If, on the other hand, you're afraid of commitment, The best is go to a professional to help you manage it.
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Tips for telling your partner that you don't want to move in with them
Living together is something that most couples are very excited about and is usually something that increases the level of commitment in the relationship.
Many times it is the two members who agree and bring up the subject of living together in a fluid manner, however, Sometimes it is one of the members who proposes it. and always does so with the intention of strengthening the relationship.
Saying no to a proposition of this magnitude is very complicated, especially if we love that person and we see that living together would make him or her very happy. It is clear that It is better to say that we do not want to live with her than to pretend that we are excited about her.If we don't say no, we will take the step of living with her without wanting to.
Don't avoid the topic
When the typical question comes up: “Do you want to move in with me?” or “What if we move in together?” Worry and fear of getting angry will most likely appear. or get sad if we say no.
Many people They tend to respond evasively or try to change the subjectsomething that It is of no use, it only temporarily avoids the problem. instead of facing it once and for all. This creates tension and lack of communication.
The best thing is to try to face the situation and respond assertively.
Sincerity in a relationship is like oxygen to the fire of love; without it, the flame goes out.
Express yourself clearly, calmly and making clear what you think.
We have to tell our partner that we do not want to move in with them, for whatever reason, this can lead to an argument between the couple. We have to stay calm, we can't lose our temper.
We have to make clear what we think so that there is no misunderstanding, Always being sincere and clear, but with tact and without offending our partner so as not to hurt them. Even though you don't want to go live with him, you still love him.
It is not necessary to say a resounding “no” at the moment, It can be done in a relaxed way if the other person is receptive and depending on how you suggested it.
Make it clear that you don't want to live with him, but that you love him and don't want to leave him.
It may be that by saying no, the other person thinks that if we do not want to live with them it is because We don't really love her that much or feel that much as to be with her.
They may also think that We don't value the relationship and we don't take it seriously.that We don't bet on a future with that person or that we have an adventure over there.
For that reason, when you say no, You have to clarify it and express that you don't want to live with him now, but that doesn't mean you don't love him.otherwise, you wouldn't be with him.
Not now, but maybe in the future.
It may also be that right now you are at a stage in your life where you do not want to go live with anyone, you are comfortable living alone and you do not feel like it, But it may be that in time you reconsider it and decide to make the decision.
Communicate it to the other person It is very positive as long as it does not serve as an excuse. to reassure him or to get him out of a difficult situation.
Understand his reaction
You have to be prepared for your partner to probably take it badly because he or she feels rejected, and this will translate into discomfort or anger. We have to know and understand that this may offend you, just as it would offend us if it happened to us. If we get angry because he gets angry, it will only make the situation worse and we will argue more. We have to be understanding.
Explain to him why you don't want to live with him.
It may be that after analyzing it there is something that has made us know that we do not want to live with our partner. It may be that it is too soon, that we are afraid that the beautiful relationship will change, that we do not have enough money to do it or that we have different plans for the future.
It must be said that, When we are with a person it is because we think about the future with them and it is in commonWe cannot be with someone who has different long-term goals than ours. The future must be shared.
This It has to be communicated so that the feelings, beliefs and expectations of both people are taken into account in the relationship. In addition, this It will help us learn more about each other. and be able to solve problems and eliminate insecurities.
Ask your partner to express himself
In addition to understanding and comprehending their reaction, you have to let him express his feelings and tell him how he feels about the answer, this way you will come to an agreement, understand the situation and evaluate what opinion you have on this.
Don't make him talk if he doesn't want to, just tell him that his opinion matters to you.
If after reading this article you have questions, our psychologists at will answer them for you. At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. Throughout our career we have helped more than 2,000 patients overcome various emotional problems. If you are interested in seeking the help of an online psychologist, you can request a free first session by clicking on the button below.