Affective responsibility is a way of understanding interpersonal relationships that is based on caring for the feelings and emotions that arise within the framework of a relationship.
it is about being aware, emotionally, of the impact of your actions on others. Only by being emotionally responsible is that we can create lasting and, of course, healthy bonds. To talk about how important affective responsibility is, you have to start with empathy, which is more than putting yourself in another’s shoes.
Importance
It is essential to take charge of the bonds we generate, accept and understand that our interactions generate emotions and expectations, even when they are not reciprocal.
Empathy, consideration, assertiveness and active coping are the basis of the vertex of good treatment that is affective responsibility.
Also, it is important to forge in today’s young people the learning of responsibly affective behavior so that the interpersonal bonds in which they find themselves become harmonious and adaptive.
By strengthening empathy as a starting point, the validation of the other’s emotions (avoid judging) and assertive behavior, it will be possible to train responsibly affective young people.
How to develop emotional responsibility
If you want to have a correct affective responsibility, we recommend that you follow some of the following guidelines:
Show us how we really are
From the beginning we should always show our true selves to others, without changing our ways and actions for wanting to impress or please. These issues sooner or later will come to light and they will know that they were deceived. A lie can never lead to something good.
Understand that others are not our property: respect the integrity and decisions of others. Other people, like ourselves, must by right enjoy freedom, we should never make decisions for others or let people with whom we relate (however close they may be) take control of our lives. The key is not to objectify, listen and make room for others so as not to take them as if they were our belongings.
develop empathy
Empathy and respect are two of the premises of affective responsibility. On the one hand, to develop empathy it is important that you develop active listening, that you do not prejudge people and that you try to understand both yourself and others.
develop respect
It is important that you learn to respect the opinions and needs of other people, even if you do not entirely agree with them. If those people do not harm anyone with their opinions and needs, we must respect them.
Analyze the consequences of your actions
As we have commented in the previous section, a person who has emotional responsibility knows how to analyze what the consequences of their actions are. Therefore, it is crucial that, before acting, you stop to reflect on the consequences of the things you say or do.
be direct and clear
Assertiveness is the concept that perfectly defines this foundation. The ability to be clear with your partner and express your intentions, expectations, emotions or simply things that have not sat well with you greatly facilitates understanding between members.
It’s about taking the initiative and communication, presenting your concerns and needs to the other person. Always patiently, calmly and willing to have a conversation that can be fruitful for both.
In addition, working on assertiveness will help you avoid conflicts or reduce their severity, making it easier to manage and solve them.
Dismantle romantic love
In turn, affective responsibility comes to destroy certain ideas related to love: love hurts and that we only have to take care of those we love.
Behind these myths of romantic love, there are multiple ways of justifying violence, abuse, lack of respect and assertiveness. Affective responsibility aims to build more egalitarian and symmetrical relationships, it is an invitation to understand that in relationships more people matter than oneself.
Learn to include conflicts in everyday life
Arguing all the time is not good, but in relationships not everything is favorable and idyllic. Therefore, creating conflicts from time to time is healthy and we have to learn to live with them. Avoiding conflicts or generating them whenever we have the opportunity are not indicators of good emotional responsibility.
Affective responsibility with ourselves and others
When we take responsibility for the emotions of others, we focus on their needs and their emotions, without taking into account our own. In addition, we compromise the proper emotional management of the other person, by adopting an overprotective or paternalistic attitude towards them. However, when we act from affective responsibility, we allow the other to manage and make their own decisions, while also putting our emotions and needs on the table.
In short, to put affective responsibility into practice it is necessary to:
- Introspection and self-knowledge.
- Direct and honest communication of what we want and expect in a relationship.
- Accept our emotions and take responsibility for our actions.
- Actively practice empathy in our relationships.
Finally, we must keep in mind that a healthy bond is built from affection, empathy and acceptance of the other as it is. We cannot promise eternal love, but we can commit ourselves to attend to and value our own and the other’s emotions.