Fear of commitment: why do so many people suffer from it, paralyzing their lives? – Online Psychologists

There are people who suffer from a strong fear of making a commitmentan inconvenience that can become the cause of a distancing between two people.

Relationships are not easy, especially if we are or are getting to know a person who is afraid of commitment. For these people, maintaining a relationship is a difficult task because it makes them feel very tense, something that in the most serious cases can become a phobia.

He fear of commitment It is not a pathology that is described as a mental problem. However, this fear can make the person who suffers from it, as well as the person who falls in love with it, lead a completely unhappy life.

These types of people tend to feel a very acute emotional discomfort when they feel very committed to people who are not their partners, but with whom they can achieve something, that is, they feel fear of having a long-term relationshipThis perception is due to the lack of control of emotions, which, when combined with negative thoughts about the relationship, causes it to break up without any reason since they were happy.

Some negative thoughts These may be fear of not meeting the other person's expectations, fear of the other person becoming emotionally dependent on them, or fear of making a mistake and having children and a formal life with a person who in the end is not the right one. These are some of the many thoughts that people who are afraid of getting into a serious relationship with a person may have.

Normally, when a relationship breaks up without reason, the person feels sorry for having made this decision because they were happy with the other person. Therefore, People who are afraid of commitment end up entering a loop that does not allow them to be happy.

So, getting to know someone, fear of commitment, breaking up and regretting are the steps these people follow.

Worry is the main cause of this fear. It is defined as an unreal mental construction, a thought or image of what could happen. Normally, worries are not good and we have the feeling that something bad is going to happen, something that increases when we think about what would happen if it were to happen.

People who suffer from this fear tend to have a Constant worry that does not let them move forwardFor example, he or she wonders whether he or she is in love or not, whether he or she really loves him or whether it is worth continuing the relationship. These obsessive thoughts lead to quite serious emotional discomfort: stress, anguish, anxiety, frustration… The person does not know how to deal with this situation and that is why he or she makes the decision to break off the relationship, expressing a feeling of relief in doing so. However, as time passes, the person tends to regret it.

This behavior that leads to a relief of emotional discomfort reinforces this idea of ​​managing their emotions in this way, something that does not allow the person to learn new strategies to alleviate or control their worries when wanting to maintain a long-term relationship. For the affected person, this technique ends up being very effective for manage your stress and emotional anxiety.

Deep down we are always afraid of losing something, of losing our freedom, of losing control over our life, of losing someone, of losing our feelings, etc. It is normal.

Fear is not bad in itself, even if we perceive it as such. This fear appears when there are going to be changes in our life and it will produce a destabilization in our security, regardless of whether it is a positive or negative change.

That happens in relationships, when you meet someone and start sharing your life with that person you have to do new things and change habits, something that is not always easy but that you will have to do if you want to be with that person.

Sometimes it is given by the fear of depending on someone We are already losing ourselves. It doesn't happen to everyone, but there are people who develop a strong sense of autonomy and independence, so the fact of having a relationship with someone and that this can create independence makes them put themselves first because they think that their essence can be affected.

There are also people who have the need to be free and not miss opportunitiesThey don't want to give up anything for anyone and commitment for them is like getting into a dead end, since they feel like they are missing out on things by being in a relationship.

On the other hand, there are people who have fear that the relationship will not turn out as expected. For this reason, from the beginning they do not give themselves and cause the relationship not to advance and to stagnate.

Another very common aspect is a bad personal experience. If a person has been in a relationship that didn't work out, that was hard to get over and made them suffer, they enter into a constant negative thinking process, thinking that this could happen again. They are afraid of not “being in the right relationship” or that the other person will leave them without warning, be unfaithful or make them suffer.

It may also be related to the childhoodIf the person has suffered trauma or abuse or has been in a difficult family, they may feel reluctant to make a serious commitment to a person. This is because a secure attachment was not created during their childhood and, deep down, they still believe that others are untrustworthy, so they want to protect their feelings.

Many people think that men suffer from this fear more, which is not true. The change in mentality has made women have economic and professional independence, and they do not live to support their partner, to get married or have children, something that makes them also afraid of commitment (or they had it before but society did not let them express their emotions).

The psychological profile of these people presents the following characteristics: