Frustration is an emotional response which manifests itself when we do not have realistic expectations. The impact of frustration on each person varies mainly according to personality, but there are also other aspects that are difficult to control.
Expectations, that are formed from assumptions, They are the perfect breeding ground for frustration.What we have learned on our own, combined with everything that others have taught us, forms the basis of our beliefs and, therefore, also of our expectations.
Actually, It is impossible to stop having expectations because they are automatically formed in our minds. Not only do we create expectations about ourselves, our way of acting or our goals, but we also create expectations about others with the aim, usually, of satisfying our desires without taking into account those of others.
Expectations are part of being human
Every culture operates around a set of expectations that is made up of common values, what is acceptable and what is not. We all try to adapt to have a feeling of belongingWe do not want to be isolated or excluded.
It is important that we understand that We cannot always meet all the expectations that society It reflects because, if not, we will become frustrated and develop suffering. It is evident that our self-concept is influenced by everything that others expect of us, it even affects our performance and behavior, that is why we have to limit the importance that we give to the expectations that others have of us, in order to ensure that they do not condition us.
What expectations cause frustration?
In order to adjust expectations to reality, it is necessary to know them. We differentiate between three types of expectations:
1. Predictive expectations
This type of expectation focuses on the idea that We think we know what will happen in a given situation, based on experiences similar in the past or in the experience of others. In addition, these expectations can also refer to our state of mind, when, for example, we imagine ourselves happy in a situation but then it turns out that way.
2. Regulatory expectations
This type of expectations focuses on the standards that we accept. By sharing certain social norms, we develop expectations based on them. These expectations serve as a basic standard of behavior that we expect others to follow in the same way in different social situations.
There is nothing worse than someone who expects something and finds nothing.
3. Deserved expectations
This type of expectations focuses on everything we believe we deserve. They are expectations subjective and are based on our idea of justice. Our performance, qualities or abilities make us believe that we deserve something above others, without taking into account their desires and needs. In addition, unpredictability and uncertainty are factors that must also be taken into account; not everything depends on us.
The problem begins when these types of expectations, in addition to being unrealistic, become irrational because the consequence will be frustration, indignation and sadness.
How to avoid generating false expectations that disappoint us
- CommunicateTalk to the other person, explain your situation and what you expect from them. This way, both parties will know what they are looking for and can clarify doubts to avoid false expectations that lead to the idea of feeling disappointed.
- Be realistic. Having illusions is healthy, but it is not about idealizing another person or situation. Get down to earth.
- Everyone has their own time. You may like to go faster, but not everyone has the same amount of time to accept changes or leave their comfort zone. Be patient.
- Align your expectations. Not only in love, but also in your relationships with your family, your children, at work, with friends… Good communication is the basis of every healthy relationship.
- Not everything can be under your control. Therefore, I work on the points that you can control, without getting frustrated by other elements that are beyond your control and generate anger or anxiety.
- Work on emotional management and self-control with an online psychologist. Control is a behavior that can be developed and it will be easier if you do it with professional help. Try an online therapy session at and discover what Psychology can do for you.