We live in a society full of demands; work, family, social and of course, personal. We are part of a frenetic world and on which occasions it is It's hard not to compare ourselves to otherswhich can lead us to excessive self-demands.
Being self-demanding is well regarded within our society and we relate this concept with being a demanding personconstant and stubbornpositive qualities that make us believe that the key to success is to demand a lot from ourselves.
But the truth is that having a high level of demand on oneself It is usually accompanied by intrusive thoughts like “I should do…” or “I have to…” that can lead us to the excessive self-demandand cause us anxiety.
Having aspirations and setting goals is very good, but we must be able to relativize and be aware of the emotional cost that having too high a level of self-demand can entail.
Excessive self-demand
The self-demand makes us let's press We over-emphasize ourselves to the point of not being satisfied with anything we achieve and it prevents us from enjoying any success because it leads us to set ourselves some expectations too high.
The excessive self-demand It is based on the effort to meet a series of goals that are too high and that in case of not reach them They can sink us and make us enter a spiral of frustration.
We became overly self-critical people and we come to consider achieved goals as failures because we never have enough.
One of the main problems of people who suffer from excessive self-demand is that they move in absolute terms All or nothing, that is, things are done well or badly, it is a failure or a successthere is no middle ground.
The importance of distinguishing between wanting to do something and having to do it
It is important that Let's reflect and let's think about whether we really want to achieve those goals that we have set for ourselves or if we actually feel a kind of obligation imposed by society so as not to be left behind and not to disappoint.
We find ourselves immersed in a series of unwritten rules that govern our behavior and that influence in our decisionswe feel a need for control and act accordingly of what the society expected of us and of a successful person.
We arrived at boycott our own desires because of the fear of not being productive, not being the best and not achieving success.
So although it is important for human beings to be driven by a certain level of self-demand, we must remember that nothing is good in excess and we can become our own worst enemy.
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Signs that you are very demanding of yourself
- Perfectionism. People who are very demanding of themselves tend to also be perfectionists.
- You don't allow yourself to make mistakes. If you are too demanding with yourself, you are likely to deny yourself the possibility of making any mistake, no matter how small, because you see it as a failure.
- Excessive self-criticism. If you are a self-demanding person, it is likely that self-criticism is part of your daily life. Having a internal dialogue Critical and negative can have serious consequences on your self-esteem.
- You set your goals based on the expectations of others. Sometimes we are more aware of the opinion of others than ours. If this is your case, be careful because your self-demand may be accompanied by this desire to try to please and satisfy others and it won't bring you anything positive.
- Your self-esteem depends on the achievements you make. People who tend to demand too much from themselves base their self-esteem on whether or not they have achieved their goals, through success they feel validThis behavior is quite toxic because you will become a person with very fragile self-esteem.
Consequences of excessive self-demand
Some of the consequences of being too self-demanding are:
- Constant analysis of your behavior and your way of acting
- It can lead to certain pathologies such as depression or anxiety
- Fear of failure which can lead to procrastination
- Difficulties for say no to the rest
Tips for dealing with excessive self-demand
Select the important thing
It is important to learn how to select and Identify what is important of what It is notbecause sometimes people who are very demanding of themselves tend to want to do everything and when they don't achieve this they end up getting frustrated.
Don't focus so much on the result
Learn to enjoy the processdon't obsess over the goals you want to achieve, focus on development and not so much on the final result.
Rationalize
Rationalize your thoughts and your desires, set realistic goals and achievable in the short term.
We can all make mistakes
People who have a very high level of self-demand are not able to assume the possibility of making mistakes. If this is your case, it is important that you understand that it is a unhealthy behavior because you will perceive every mistake, no matter how small, as a failure and you will become frustrated.
At we have been experts in therapy since 2012. Our online psychology team can help you establish a better relationship with yourself.