The emperor syndrome, the tyrant child syndrome or the child king syndrome are the different names given to an increasingly common phenomenon: that of the Children who end up dominating their parentsand even, in the most extreme cases, by mistreating them.
But what are these children like? What are their characteristics? Is prevention possible?
Characteristics of children with Emperor syndrome
We refer with this name to children who present certain characteristics such as:
- Exaggerated sense of what is due to them and they expect those around them to provide it.
- Low tolerance to discomfortespecially if it is caused by frustration, disappointment, boredom, or denial of what they have asked for; then, they express it with tantrums, fits of rage, insults and/or violence.
- Presented scarce resources for problem solving or face negative experiences.
- Are very self-centered and they think they are the center of the world.
- They look for the justifications for their behavior on the outside and blame others for what they do, therefore, they expect others to solve their problems.
- They cannot, or do not want to, see how their behavior affects others, which is why it is said that many of them, They lack empathy.
- They ask to the extreme of the demand. Once they achieve it, they show their dissatisfaction and want more things again.
- They find it difficult to feel guilty or remorse for their conduct.
- They discuss the rules and/or punishments from their parents whom they consider unfair, bad, etc. But behaving like this compensates them because, faced with the induced feeling of guilt, the parents give in and grant more privileges.
- They demand attentionnot only from their parents, but from their entire environment. And the more they are given, the more they demand.
- They have a hard time adapting to the demands of extra-familial situations, especially at school, because they do not respond well to established social structures or authority figures.
- They feel sad, angry, and/or anxious, and usually have a low self-esteem.
There is a tendency to blame parents of this type of behavior for being too permissive and protective with their children; although, the environment also influences because today children live in a consumer societyindividualistic and who values easy and quick success above all else.
In addition, there may be a genetic predisposition of a character that would explain why within the same family, and under the same conditions, only one member is affected.
Warning signs of Emperor Syndrome
The signs that should alert us are the following:
- You have to be careful with the children who systematically impose their will or have tantrums in public places in front of the entire family.
- Likewise, we must pay attention to the child who always gets his way since, many times, they make the family revolve around him. We must think that, if we let them do what they want, we will end up in the nets of the emotional blackmail.
Obviously, at this point, any reader might object that almost all small children have many tantrums. And, it is true; Everyone has tantrumsbut we must try to prevent them from getting away with it. In general, after the first year of age, you have to set limits and the minor must know how far he can go.
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Possible causes of Emperor Syndrome
It is the parents who must exercise their role. Thus, the overprotective parents and permissive parents, who give in to their children's whims because they believe that this way they «don't suffer», can establish the right environment for a tyrant child.
Other risk factor is that there is a educational discrepancy between the parents. Although this may occur, the parents must try to unify their personalities and maintain a firm educational attitude which allows for there to be no ruptures between the two in the imposition of standards.
The family structure has changed a lot, with divorces and frequent new partners, the number of only children increases and, in addition, we have them at an increasingly later age or we adopt them. So, it is easy for a child to become a very precious whose desires must always be satisfied, who cannot suffer or know any discipline.
Until the yearthe whole environment is only there to satisfy their needs. From there, they learn strategies to get their way, such as tantrums, for example, a normal manifestation of discontent, but one that must be managed.
Around the age of fourit is normal for the child to be able to verbalize his anger and, at the age of five, to control himself. Except for tyrant children, who try to systematically impose their will, they are aggressive, suffer constant tantrums in public places and turn the daily life of the entire family into an ordeal.
Parents end up by surrender with successive renunciations in order to achieve peace. And the spoiled child becomes the king of the house, from there to a tyrant child, and finally, if the aggressiveness persists, they become uncontrolled adolescents who abuse their parents.
The frustration It is a normal feeling during child development: children need, from about one year old, routines, rules and clear limits on what they can and cannot do.
But from six years old There are children who are very impulsive, they lie, they have vengeful attitudes, they do not connect with others, they are insensitive, they feel powerful, they lack empathy… These are tyrannical attitudes, which can become more acute at eleven years old and at 15 years old they are already difficult to channel.
And it is that Educating is not easyand it must involve certain doses of frustration, to balance the love. The problem arises if there is no reaction from the parents, who, in their eagerness to find an excuse for everything – “the child has a lot of character”, “what he does is normal for his age”…- They do not dare to impose limitsas we said before.
The problem thus grows until the family feels that it has gotten out of hand. What to do then? It is a matter of acting with common sense, without becoming exasperated and without violence.
What should I do if my child has Emperor Syndrome?
Some effective guidelines may be the following:
- Establish rules clear and explain the reasons for those rules.
- Be consistent. The father and mother must have the same opinion regarding the same problem.
- Stand firm Regarding what the father and mother have jointly decided
- Do not impose a punishment which is then not fulfilled. Let us not forget that there are negative and positive punishments.
- Monitor activities of the children.
- Try to reward instead of punishLikewise, if our child has done something appropriately, positive reinforcement is necessary, which obviously does not have to be anything material.
- In the case of the most capricious children, you should try to do everything possible to improve our relationship with them.
- Give to children responsibilities appropriate to their agesuch as clearing or setting the table, taking out the trash, making the bed, regardless of gender.
- Don't push them away or overprotect themboth things could make a tyrant child
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