If a group of people were asked if They know what empathy is Probably most would give the correct answer as to what this is. social skill: “knowing how to put yourself in someone else's shoes.” However, it is not so easy to find someone who really possesses this quality in a society as individualistic as today's because it implies the Active listening, understanding and non-judgment.
The empathy It is a complex concept that is based on the emotional involvement in relationships. Without it, it would have been impossible to achieve the level of cooperation and social development that exists today. Do not forget that every link is based on the pillar of emotions.
The active listening It is one of the most important characteristics of empathy and it is a whole process.
What does it mean to practice active listening?
- Capture and understand the message that is being sent to us in its entiretythat is, interpreting both verbal and non-verbal language (gestures, tone of voice, grimaces, etc.). At the same time as this happens, we nod, we make gestures of approval, we do not interrupt and, most importantly, we ask questions. This is how interest is shown.
- Be respectful and interested in what the other person is saying without introducing the “I” in the middleReal understanding comes when we take into account the other person's scale of values and situation.
- Demonstrate that we have received the message and understood it.
Once the message has been received and processed empathy can transcend beyond and become compassionThis means reaching out to others without falling into the criticism or prejudices that we have when we impose our point of view. Subjectivity has nothing to do with empathy because it involves the projection of oneself, not of the other person.
Empathy and assertiveness: their usefulness and learning
Like empathy, assertiveness is a social skill and they could be considered enemies. However, if we look for their complementarity, we can discover positive repercussions in our relationships with our environment.
Empathy is a social skill appreciated by both people in the workplace and those close to them.
The assertiveness consists of be able to defend own ideas and opinions without hurting other people's feelings. It is the search for balance between aggressiveness when expressing oneself and total passivity due to a lack of personality and self-confidence.
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Assertiveness at work
In workplacewhatever this may be, it will surely be appreciated as much assertiveness as empathy. Although if they come from different people, relationships of dominance and submission can be built; so it is important that each person has worked on both skills.
The middle ground is essential both for workers and for bosses. If workers are too assertive towards their superiors, they hinder the work, and if they are too empathetic, they will accept any assignment and in the long run they will suffer from tension and may even feel stressed.
In turn A boss who lacks assertiveness is not a good leader and one who lacks empathy in the eyes of his employees becomes a tyrant.
Assertiveness in the close environment
It is easier to empathize with someone you appreciate and have an affinity with, but it is important distinguish between sympathy what do you feel for someone and empathybecause the second goes further, it implies comprehensionTrust can make us believe that we have a clear path to brutal sincerity that ends up hurting the other person.
At home The lack of either of these two characteristics can also cause havoc and to prevent future problems, When you have children You can work with them social skills.
The first manifestations of empathy are observed in children quite small. These They do not distinguish between what is good and evilthey act and observe what their actions trigger in others, which is why when they see someone with a problem and decide to help them, they do so selflessly. With the repetition of certain responses to certain behaviors of yours They learn to be empathetic.
It is necessary to balance empathy and assertiveness to improve interpersonal relationships and understand oneself.
It is very important Share time with them and show affection. You should not take away weight from your emotions, for them to flow it is necessary to create an environment of security that is achieved with understanding but allowing that they have their own space and understand that their development does not only depend on us. In short, being empathetic with them.
Types of empathy
Empathy involves three different processes: emotional recognition and integration and the implementation of action. Each process depends on the previous one, so they develop linearly. In addition, there is talk of a fourth process: the control of one's own emotions. These four phases have triggered the existence of 4 types of empathy:
- Cognitive empathy. In this first phase, the emotional state of your interlocutor is identified. The brain is able to recognize it depending on verbal signs (confessions, testimonies) or gestures (facial expression). It is a general view of what the other person feels and thinks, without you getting personally involved. This implies a differentiation from the restCognitive empathy allows you to take on another person's perspective, understand their mental state, and manage your emotions while assessing theirs. This type of empathy is essential, for example, in business negotiations, as it will allow you to identify what the needs or expectations are.
- Emotional empathy. It is based on cognitively capturing the experiences of others so that, in turn, you are sensitive to what others feel. You see the inner world of others And, as an observer, you will synchronize your emotions with those of the observed, although you will never feel the same as them. Emotional empathy is not synonymous with emotional contagion. It is equivalent to the ability to enter into another person's world without being swept away by it, although sometimes it is difficult not to feel sadness or joy depending on what they experience.
- Sympathy or empathic concern. It is the concern for what is foreign to such an extent that you end up identifying the experiences of others and feel their emotions in your own skin. Thus, your first desire is offer unconditional and selfless help and supportThe intention to help is transformed into compassionate action, collaboration and compassion. Without empathy there is no compassion. Examples of people who stand out for their empathetic concern are organizations dedicated to aid or volunteering.
- Ecpathy. You recognize that the emotions you feel do not belong to you, they do not belong to your reality. These emotions have been transferred by an external source.
Levels of empathy
Baron Cohen differentiates 6 levels of empathy different:
Level 0
When you have this level of empathy, it means that you simply don't have any. When you are told that you have hurt someone, you don't care at all. You don't feel guilt or remorse because you are unable to understand others.
Level 1
You may reflect on what you have done and feel remorse, but at the time, you are not in control. You hurt others and you recognize that it is wrong, even if you do not integrate it into your mind before taking action. You lack self-control and therefore do not have a correct emotional response. It is often said that «your temper gets the better of you.»
Baron Cohen considers this the extreme, called “zero degrees of empathy.”
Level 2
You have enough empathy to see how the other person is feeling, and yet you resort to yelling and hurtful comments. You need someone to tell you that you have gone too far and said things that could hurt. Your outbursts continually get you into trouble.
Level 3
You are aware that you suffer from empathy problems and you try to hide it. Pretending only causes stress and fatigue. Social relationships are difficult for you, because you misinterpret jokes and facial expressions and you are not sure what is expected of you. For this reason, you avoid the desire to be alone and thus be yourself.
Level 4
This is a low level in which your empathy is “locked in.” The goal is not to talk about emotions, so you prefer conversation topics that do not involve showing your feelings. Your friendships are based on common interests or activities, not emotional intimacy. In addition, this level of empathy is usually more common in men than in women.
Level 5
This is a higher level of empathy that is appreciated, in this case, more in women. In your friendships, it does matter emotional intimacyin support, confidences, understanding. There is a connection in the emotional field. You are careful when interacting with others, you take into account the feelings of others. In fact, you will often let yourself be advised and take into account the points of view of others when you want to make decisions.
Level 6
Your empathy is extraordinary, because you always focus on the feelings of others. It doesn't mean anything to you. effort caring about how they feel and helping them. You have a special talent for connecting with people on an emotional level. You generate security to others.
You continually pick up on other people's emotional states and they pick up on yours. Without empathy, it would be difficult to establish social relations.
If you want to work on your level of empathy, remember that you can always count on a mental health professional like those psychologists through therapy.
How to work on assertiveness in childhood and adolescence
For work with them the assertiveness Curiously, it is also necessary to listen to them to make them understand that it is important to do it with others. And if Empathy means not transferring the “I” to another personchildren should be given freedom to solve their problems. It is also essential teach them to negotiatecondemning negative and violent actions and showing positive aspects of knowing how to say no to things. No phrase reflects this better than “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?”
The implementation of these guidelines will allow the development of social skills that will help prevent conflicts in future stages of life that could end up leading to psychological disorders.
In teenagers, who are developing their personality, this changes a little. In an article published in the Journal of Social Psychology, several aspects related to the empathy in adolescence:
- Girls are more empathetic than boys and one of…