Emotional dependence in Psychology is defined as the affective or sentimental bond characterized by a series of addictive behaviors typical of an interpersonal relationship in which there is a asymmetry in the role that each member plays. Do you think you are dependent? Do you think they are dependent on you? Resolve your doubts.
Emotional dependence, a matter of sexual-affective relationships?
Being emotionally dependent on another person tends to be considered a fact specific to a couple that maintains a sexual-affective relationship. However, it is a situation that can be extrapolated to any type of human and personal bond that we maintain.
Avoid dependency in any relationship
Independence is a highly valued quality in our situation. However, people are socially active by nature and, as such, tend to be dependent. In childhood we are completely dependent on our parents, but as we grow up we try to achieve independence.
We talk about achieving independence and not absolute independenceotherwise we would be referring to a disorder caused by a complete lack of empathy towards the people and society around us.
What is interdependence?
Interdependence is that horizontal relationship in which we are capable of both to care for as if to be cared forThat is, a bond in which neither party is essential to maintaining individual independence.
And emotional dependence arises at the moment when one of the parties in a relationship needs either to care or to be cared for.
This situation draws a vertical link formed by a person who requires care (lower part) and another who needs to be cared for (upper part).
To avoid this link, it is important to evolve the vertical relationship of childhood – children, by requiring the care of adults, are below their parents – towards a horizontal relationship.
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Emotional dependence in couples
Not developing interdependence leads to emotional dependence. This causes some adults in their sexual-affective relationship to seek to be cared for or, on the contrary, to be someone's caregiver.
We already talked about the problems that emotional dependence on a couple implies, so today we are going to talk about the ingredients necessary to prevent or end it:
But What is self and co-regulation? Self-regulation is the ability that people have to adjust their emotions and thoughts with themselves. Co-regulation is the ability to do so, but with other people.
What happens when there is no balance between self- and co-regulation? Couples form in which one member tries to escape and the other chases them. We explain why.
Not achieving balance between both capabilities means that one of them predominates:
- Self-regulation. When self-regulation is developed, the avoidant attachmentPeople with this highly enhanced ability are afraid of losing the individuality and independence they have gained and try to flee from any situation that endangers these abilities.
- Co-regulationExcessive co-regulation leads to the need to rely on other people in order to self-regulate (a skill that is not enhanced). These people develop a fear of abandonment, forgetting about themselves, their needs, abilities, tastes and preferences.
For this reason, there are couples in which one member tries to avoid dependency – does not want to co-regulate – while the other person, who only knows how to co-regulate, tries to hold on tightly.
Are you the dependent party? Or are they dependent on you?
At the beginning we already explained that emotional dependence consists of an affective or sentimental bond in which the following predominate: addictive behaviorsbut are you the one who depends on the other member or is the other party dependent on you?
To find out if you are dependent answer the following questions:
- Have you stopped being yourself, showing your character or personality as it is to ensure that your partner continues to be with you?
- Do you put their wishes before your own?
- Do you always let your partner make the decisions?
- Do you leave your friendships aside?
- Do you only go out with your partner?
- Don't you enjoy anything if your partner is not there?
- Do you constantly demand that your partner prove to you that he or she is in love with you?
- Do you consider others as a threat to your relationship?
- Are you not contradicting him for fear that he will break off the relationship?
Based on your answers, do you think you are emotionally dependent on your partner? In the same way, you can also try to answer these questions to find out if your partner shows emotional dependence on you.