That you saw him chatting with another girl or that you sent a suggestive photo or that even though you have a partner, you feel things for someone with whom you share via the internet, could it be infidelity?
Written by: Diana M. Resnicoff, clinical psychologist and clinical sexologist.
It is a typical question in today’s couples. When one spends a lot of time on the Internet, the other suspects and detective attitudes appear. To do?
Through all the possibilities that the Web offers today, many people establish links and very intimate relationships. Thus, secrets, fantasies, idealizations, enthusiasm, denial, rationalization and frustrations begin to circulate that are often devastating for other real relationships maintained at the same time.
a world of fantasies
In all new relationships, whether or not they are online, people present the best side of themselves, but it does not mean that they are actually like that all the time, in daily life. Too often we think of love as those dizzying and intense feelings that occur in the face of glare. But while it can be a fantastic experience, a lot of the intensity of the feelings is just new.
I see many couples in the consultation in which one of its members, if not both, spend a lot of time online to have interactions that allow them an escape from daily reality. A patient told me:
«That virtual world, that world of fantasies that the Internet provides me, allows me to get out of the everyday, monotonous and boring world.»
Once you meet someone interesting on the Web, you both bring out your best sides and begin to share intimacies, hopes, fears, and fantasies. This brings them even closer and makes the need for real interaction more and more pressing.
It may interest you: Where do we draw the line of infidelity? Vibrapoll
play detective
When the couple wants to know “what my husband/wife does for so many hours in a row on the Internet” they begin to suspect more and more each day and feel threatened. He then begins to check the computer of the alleged cheating spouse like a true detective, often feeling devastated and betrayed.
That virtual other is no longer virtual (even when there have been no real encounters), although it is also true that many find it irresistible to meet the virtual friend in person. They feel that they have met their “soul mates” and that they seem to have been made “for each other”, so it would be worth risking everything for them.
You can also read: Do you plan to forgive an infidelity?
From idealism to reality
Disappointment often arises: the real person is very different from the virtual one. Therefore, a beginning of virtual romance, when there is a real couple, could serve as a warning signal that modifications are needed in the couple itself.
This should be the focus of attention: you have to know that, many times, the loss that is experienced when a virtual relationship ends is actually the loss of a fantasy, and not something real, unlike a couple of years.
Taken from EntreMujeres