Increasingly Couples go to a psychological consultation in order to solve their problems, whether related to a inefficient communication either unresolved conflicts that prevent them from moving forward.
When A couple goes to therapy for the first time It is not usually very clear What is couples therapy? or what they are going to have to deal with, so when I have them in front of me in that first session I like to explain the metaphor of the crumpled paper. This helps them to put into perspective the moment their relationship is going through and to give the importance that it deserves to each of their concerns.
Crumpled paper metaphor
Imagine a blank sheet of paper in front of you.
“A paper, a blank sheet of paper represents the beginning of a relationship. The folio is new, clear, pretty, aesthetic… Like the first phase of your love.
But there comes a time in a relationship when conflicts, arguments, reproaches, misunderstandings begin to arise… The sheet of paper that represents your love begins to wrinkle.
For every gap, a new line appears, and wrinkles accumulate… So much so that when the relationship deteriorates a lot, we imagine the sheet of paper as a completely wrinkled ball. We are at the most critical point of deterioration in the relationship.
Normally, it is at this point that one or both members of the couple decide not to continue like this and dreams of having that same satisfying, enjoyable, conflict-free relationship that existed in the beginning.
He strives for better times and begins to undo that ball of paper, trying to flatten it so that it becomes completely smooth, aesthetic and the same as at the beginning.
However, despite the effort to achieve this goal, never manages to reach that initial state of the paper; There are wrinkles that do not disappear. In this situation, there are two alternatives: either you accept these «marks» that time has left and adapt to the changes in both, or you remove that paper from your path so you can continue moving forward.
This metaphor helps us visualize how relationships change over time due to the different situations and moments that accompany the couple. And, in the same way, it illustrates in a very visual way how unlikely it is that everything will ever be the same again. You both have evolved and you are no longer the same as you were at the beginning, just like the relationship.
Couples therapy, a two-person bet to recover a relationship
This is where couples therapy makes the most sense. These wrinkles represent unresolved past conflicts, changes or new aspects in the personality of each of the parties, new behaviors that did not exist before.
Accepting these wrinkles implies accepting the evolution that the relationship and both of its components have undergone and working around them, adapting to the new definition of relationship developed by both, or on the contrary making the decision to remove that wrinkled piece of paper from their lives.
Once the couple understands and sees themselves reflected in this metaphor, therapy can begin. It is very important to understand what the therapy entails and what efforts will have to be made for this therapy to work. He success in therapy It does not only involve resuming a broken relationship and rebuilding it again, but also building a new relationship in the event that both members of the couple decide to continue with their lives separately.
Would you like to get your relationship back on track, bet on it, try everything in your power? Leave me your question and we talk.