Couples with a big age difference – Online Psychologists

The couples formed by people who differ greatly in age They have difficulties added to those of any other. One must be aware of them and how to solve them. Fifteen years or more of difference between a still young person, under 25 years old, and his/her partner, or 20 or more years between a mature person and his/her partner, constitutes, without a doubt, an extra difficulty in any relationship. If the difference is 25, 30 or more years, the added problems are of such magnitude that ignoring them constitutes recklessness. This type of couple is not uncommon.

There are those who think, on the one handthat this type of relationship is only due to the her economic interestand to desire to rejuvenate him. Indeed, this is one of the causes that occur in some cases, but only in some. Of course, we should not call these types of unions couples, but rather commercial contracts.

They are more common among people of high economic and social standing, and usually last for a certain period of time or simply until the older person, usually the man, dies. The extramarital affairs of the younger person, the jealousy of the older person, and a certain emotional disinterest compatible with a correctness of manners are the usual tone in these cases.

There is a second type of couples of very different ages. All men look for a woman to be “a little” of a mother in their relationship, that mother who comforts, cares, and looks after. All women look for “a little” for him to be a father, that father who protects, satisfies needs, and embraces in moments of fear and grief.

This desire of men and women is perfectly normal, totally compatible with a well-functioning couple, extremely gratifying and even desirable in any union, including those formed by people of the same sex. That is, as long as this search for a maternal-paternal attitude is not constant or rigid, that it is interchangeable and not very marked.

There are several factors that are usually present in these relationships in which he could, due to his age, be her son:

Finally, the third type of couplesperhaps the largest, is made up of people who meet all the requirements to feel attracted to each other: similar emotional sufferings, different but complementary mechanisms to cope with them, similar schemes of how a relationship should be, compatible lovemaking styles… and this regardless of whether the older one is a man or a woman.

This high degree of compatibility leads them to try a stable relationship despite a marked age difference. They are ultimately guided by love, a sincere interest in each other, the wonderful experience of feeling fused into an entity called a couple. They have the right to live these experiences.

Being a couple is about sharing. Sharing not only material things, physical space, joy or illness, but also, and perhaps primarily, emotions, things that make us happy, sad, make our hearts vibrate, or simply disturb us. How can a 60-year-old person share with his 30-year-old partner the experience of aging, of the physical limitations that age inevitably brings? At the same time, how can the younger member of the couple share his still immense creative and entrepreneurial strength? How can we share the hope for a better future when one has almost all of his life ahead of him while the other has almost all of it already lived? These are just some of the many examples in which it is difficult to share life with someone of a very different age:

Handling that bitter feeling of jealousy, the fear of infidelity by one's partner, the degree of freedom that each person grants themselves in the relationship with other people of the opposite sex… is one of the delicate and potentially conflictive issues in any couple. In those with a large age difference, it becomes a giant that can end up causing the relationship to collapse.

The older partner, usually the man, tends to fear the presence of younger, more attractive rivals with greater sexual ability. For this reason, sabotaging attitudes towards the younger person are common in some of these couples, such as encouraging them to suffer from noticeable obesity, or reinforcing their insecurity.

You don't have the same kind of friendships, nor do you like to frequent the same kind of environments at 30 as at 60, or at 40 as at 75… This can deprive people who maintain these relationships of the satisfaction of bringing their friends together with their partner, and can produce friction and misunderstandings with the other's friends since they operate with very different schemes than those that are usual for you.

The sexuality It only ends with death, but it changes over time. Women are usually at the peak of their sexual potential, their ability to enjoy touching and being touched, around the age of 38. Their desire, their orgasms, their ability to free themselves from fears… are at their peak. If your partner is around 65 or 70 years old, he probably has a much lower sex drive. A man of this age usually has a clearly lower sexual need than when he was about to turn 40. Stimulation takes longer, for example, and some positions are no longer viable.

Consult a psychologist to help you. At , the first remote therapy session is free.

Rightly or wrongly, it is common for both the family of the younger person and the family of the older person to frown upon this type of union.

If they fail to reconsider their position, it will be a pain for each protagonist not being able to enjoy the joy of having a happy couple and family, of having their two emotional pillars “at peace”. The main difficulties are with in-laws, who may be too old or too young for one of the parties, or the relationship with a couple’s children, if they have any, as they may even be older.

First of all, and above all, being very aware that they exist, the opposite of what is usually done. Hiding a problem, not talking about it, adopting positions that tend to deny the evidence, not only does not contribute to coping with it but is the requirement for sooner or later overwhelming its protagonists. Both in their formation, and from time to time in cohabitation, couples with a large age difference must stop and review each of these sections, or others that in their specific case pose difficulties:

If you find yourself in this similar situation or know someone who is going through a similar one, you are looking for a psychologist specialized in online couples therapy or sexual therapydo not hesitate to consult a professional.