Cinderella Syndrome – Online Psychologists

He Cinderella syndrome It has a double aspect, the first is based on the stepson's rejection of the stepmother and was described, for the first time, by the Dr. Peter K. Lewin in 1976, in a letter to the editor of the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

It describes false accusations by some adopted children of being abused or neglected by their adoptive mothers, while the second meaning refers to a woman's fear of independence and was initially described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book about women's fear of independence as an unconscious desire to be cared for by others, based mainly on the fear of being independent. The complex, because it is actually a set of symptoms and attitudes common to a certain group, becomes more and more evident as the person gets older.

Colette Dowling He attempted to define women with this syndrome as motivated by an unconscious desire to be cared for, as a consequence of their fear of being independent, partially or totally. This may be due to fear of taking complete responsibility for themselves or the psychological need to be protected.

Cinderella Syndrome is characterized by the desire to find a “prince charming” who appears out of nowhere on his fast white horse to take her away from her troubled life and live happily ever after. So, she puts all her hopes into finding a handsome, nice and rich man who will fulfill those fantasies. Therefore, she idealizes her potential partner which makes her never find any man who meets her expectations.

This resort is called Cinderella, and was popularized by the Walt Disney movie of the same name. Based on the idea of ​​women portrayed in the tale, being beautiful, elegant and kindbut they are neither strong nor independent and must be rescued by a man (the Prince).

However, there are also other cases in which the “Cinderellas” have strong personalities and are very capable in the tasks they perform. But, even so, they idealize a figure stronger than themselves, overprotective, loving and accommodating. The way in which they were educated greatly affects these idealizations of these people.

But this complex has two main characters: The Princess or Victim and the Prince or Rescuer. The situations where they establish a relationship are very varied, such as couples, father-son, brothers… although with the same characteristics of each one and the way of interrelating.

Let's start from the idea that for a princess to exist, she must find a man willing to rescue her; very self-centered, addicted to control and overprotective. In addition, «the Prince» thinks that «Cinderella» cannot live without his constant care. But, «Princes» do not like «Cinderellas» to contradict them, which is due to the model of couple relationships instilled during childhood, through parents.

In the initial interaction between “Cinderella” and the “Prince”, there is a beneficial reciprocity for both. But this wears out because each one forces the needs of the other. Thus, the victim-princess could generate situations that put her in danger so that the prince-rescuer comes to her aid; for example, there are people who have all kinds of things happen to them such as leaving their keys inside the car or the house, losing money, insect bites… it being a coincidence that the «Prince» is always nearby ready to come to the rescue.

Thus, the rescuer will gladly come the first few times, will call constantly to make sure the victim is okay and will try to be available for him. If one day he cannot support him, he will feel bad, he will believe that he is failing as a hero, as a father, as a brother, as a boyfriend…

But in the end, the prince-rescuer may end up feeling overwhelmed, tired, worn out, and blame the princess-victim for being abusive, or too weak. He will begin to see it as a burden which she no longer wants to take responsibility for. The princess-victim resents the reproaches of the prince-rescuer, slowly coming to appreciate the many faults that he has until his image as Prince-rescuer finally crumbles.