The decision to face motherhood or fatherhood is something very personal, it can be motivated by very diverse causes.It may be that you haven't found the right person, that you have decided to focus your personal projects on other areas or because you simply haven't felt the need. In any case, it is something that only concerns the person, and in any case their partner.
Social pressure often takes its toll on people, as they tend to think that not having children means having an incomplete part of their life, but this does not have to be the case. Everyone decides their own lifestyle and no one is better than another.
The importance of happiness and the decision to have children
In life we all tend to seek happiness, but there is no universal model. What for some is a happy life, for others it is not even close. The first thing to keep in mind in order to be happy without children, or in any other way, is that the opinion of others should not affect us. Each person decides what their personal project is.
Identities are often simplified and we tend to think of people as fathers or mothers. We must understand that we are more than that. Our identity does not have to be defined in this way. Whether or not to have children is a decision that must be considered and agreed upon with our partner or with those around us. Family models do not always have to include children, but that does not mean they are not valid. The decision to have children is one of the most important in a person's life, and it can be very complex.
According to the results of a study published by the Open University, carried out on 5,000 people in the United Kingdom, couples who want to achieve joint happiness should stay away from the idea of becoming parents. The study reveals that childless couples feel more satisfied in their relationships and more valued by their partner.
Myths and stereotypes about motherhood and fatherhood
There are countless myths and stereotypes surrounding the idea of having children that persist over time and serve as social pressure.
- Myths about motherhood. One of the most common myths is that all women are born with an innate maternal instinct, and that all women want to be mothers. This is not true, as some women do not want to be mothers or cannot have children, and that does not make them any more or less women.
- Stereotypes about motherhood. Many people assume that mothers must sacrifice everything in their lives to care for their children, and that they should not work outside the home. Being a mother cannot be everything in life, and it should not define us.
- Myths about parentingThere is a tendency to believe that men are not as capable as women when it comes to caring for children, or that they are not as interested in being fathers. However, this is not true. Many men are actively involved in raising their children and enjoy being fathers as much or more than their own partners.
- Stereotypes about parenting. Even though we are evolving as a society, there are those who still believe that men are only providers and should not be involved in raising children, as it makes them seem less «masculine.»
How therapy can help in decision making
Making the decision to become a parent is a complex decision that should not be taken lightly. Having a child changes your life forever, it is not something that can be changed in the future.
Therapy can be very useful in making this decision. Finding ourselves in a safe place and surrounded by someone who understands us can help us evaluate all our options before making such a significant decision. It is important to know how to process our feelings related to parenthood and identify the priorities and values we have in our lives.
While some people may be clear about their decision about whether or not to have children, many times the problem arises when their partner has the opposite desire. If a couple is arguing about whether or not to have children, therapy can be a safe space to discuss these concerns. It can help the couple communicate effectively, listen to and validate each other's feelings, and come to an agreement about what is best for the couple.
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Focus on what makes you happy
Focusing on goals, hobbies, and relationships that are important to you can be an effective way to increase happiness, especially when you make a conscious decision not to have children. This is because these areas can provide a sense of purpose, connection, and fulfillment in life.
- Goals: Setting goals and working toward them can provide a sense of purpose. The process of setting and achieving goals can help increase self-esteem and self-efficacy.
- Hobbies: Taking up hobbies and activities that you enjoy can provide an avenue to express yourself creatively, relax and enjoy life. These can range from outdoor activities, art, music, reading to sports, and more. These activities can help reduce stress, improve mood and provide a sense of well-being.
- Relations: Cultivating positive relationships with friends, family, and partners can provide a sense of connection and support. These relationships can help boost self-esteem, provide an emotional support network, and improve overall well-being.
Focusing on these areas and finding ways to integrate them into your life can help increase your happiness and sense of purpose, regardless of whether you decide to have children or not. It's important to remember that happiness is a continuous process and there are many factors that contribute to it.
The impact of social pressure and culture on decision making
Social pressure and culture can have a big impact on the decision to have children. For example, in some cultures, having children is seen as an important and expected responsibility, while in others it may not be valued in the same way.
Social pressure can also play a role in the decision to have children. Some people may feel pressured by family or friends to have children, while others may feel pressured not to have children. In addition, certain gender stereotypes may influence the decision to have children, as women are expected to become mothers, while men may feel less pressure to have children.
In general, social pressure and culture can affect how people view the idea of having children and may influence their decision to have them or not. However, it is important to remember that the final decision must be made by each individual or couple, taking into account their own desires, needs and circumstances.
Acceptance: Overcoming Guilt and Regret
The decision not to have children can be difficult and come with some feelings of guilt and regret. However, It is important to remember that each person has the right to make their own decisions and that it is important to follow your wishes and needs.
Self-acceptance is key to this process. Accepting your feelings and decisions is essential to overcoming guilt and regret. Accepting that your wants and needs are valid is an important step toward self-improvement. It is important to surround yourself with understanding and open-minded people who support you in your decisions and who do not judge you for seeking your own model of happiness.
Alternatives to a life based on motherhood or fatherhood
Parenthood is not the only way to have a family or achieve personal fulfillment. There are many alternatives available to those who choose not to have children.
- Caring for others: Caring for older relatives, friends, neighbors, or children in the community can provide a great sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
- Careers and personal projects: Focusing on a career or personal project can provide a great sense of accomplishment and success.
- Volunteering: Volunteering and community service can be a way to give back and feel fulfilled, without necessarily being a biological parent.
- Forming a family of choice: Surrounding yourself with beloved friends and family, building meaningful relationships, and forging a chosen “family” can provide a great sense of belonging and love.
It is important to remember that there are many ways to form a family and achieve personal fulfillment, and not all of them involve biological parenthood. Each person has the right to decide what is best for themselves and their situation and to seek alternatives.
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