Far from being harmless, this accusation is An example of manipulation at its finest. Because it’s so common, it’s worth taking the time to understand what’s going on.
when someone says that you’re being too sensitive, is an example of a semantic stop sign. Is used for masterfully rule out dissent and end a conversation.
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they make you wonder: «Am I being too sensitive?»
Accusations like being called sensitive often go along with other semantic stop signs that blame and judge. Including being accused of being difficult, not letting things go, or taking things too personally.
All of these statements are intended to bring closure to the discussion while at the same time covering up and rationalizing faulty reasoning.
Why would someone say that you are being overly sensitive as a form of abuse and manipulation?
It’s abusive because they blame the person who feels disrespected. And they are manipulative because divert the conversation from disrespect towards whether or not you have a personality defect.
Is being overly sensitive a bad thing? No way. In fact, There is not any intrinsically bad in being sensitive or difficult, nor in taking things personally.
Therefore, these statements are based on non-probable definitions of what is the correct way of doing things and who decides.
In this way, the accuser tries to maintain control so much of open topics for conversation What of your acceptable answers.
To give a clear example on the subject, we are going to suppose that your partner thinks about your weight.
It seems that many people from couples to strangersthey feel that they have the right to comment on other people’s bodies and your food choices.
When you tell them to be quiet, they will often make a comment like: «Don’t be so sensitive, I’m just trying to help.»
It’s not helping at all of course. Not only your eating and your body are nobody else’s businessbut these statements contain a veiled insult within his supposed good intention.
This is a way of worry trolling: pretend to care while actually runs a power play that belittles someone.
The deepest and most subtle level of this manipulation is in your answer.
When you move away from your own emotional reactions and instead begin to question its legitimacy, the circle of manipulation is complete.
you feel disrespected and while the abuser has declared himself the victim. It’s many layers of manipulation in a few words apparently innocent.
You have law in any relationship to express yourself and ask for what you need. Whether or not you are sensitive, does not take away this right.
And besides, you have the right to be sensitive, annoyed, frustrated or even just angry when you feel that you are being disrespected.
In fact, the ability to communicate your feelings, clarify what was meant, and allowing correction and repair is essential to a healthy, non-abusive relationship.
Amanda Montell, author of «Cultish: The Language of Bigotry» and «Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Reclaiming the English Language» uses the term «thought-ending cliché» to describe semantic stop signs.
She says that once she becomes aware of them, she will start seeing them everywhere.
According to her, these statements are a key tool for the abuse of language.
Common expressions like «Boys will be boys,» «Everything happens for a reason,» and «Don’t be afraid» are other examples of manipulation disguised as wise platitudes.
These sayings are meant to shut down your independent thinking in the same way that being accused of being overly sensitive does. It is a form of hit and run crime.
Probably use them on occasion. But when you stay aware of the inherent manipulation, you can improve the quality of your communication.
Fortunately, you are not powerless when faced with this form of manipulation. Once you recognize it for what it is, you can respond instead of allowing the conversation to close.
You can ignore the response about being overly sensitive and reaffirm your original point or you can dismiss the rejection with words like, «Maybe I am, but I still need to discuss…» or «Even if that’s true, we still need to discuss… »
Other possible dismissals include «I’ll think about it, but…» and «I can’t help you with that, and…»
Whatever you do, don’t let the conversation redirect to your perceived flaw in being sensitive. Instead, keep going back to the original conversation where the disrespect occurred.
When you recognize a semantic stop sign or have an intuition that something feels off-putting and dismissive, even if you can’t say exactly why, don’t let it turn you off.
You may be experiencing a gross disrespect hidden within a subtle dig. Instead, start treating «You’re being too sensitive» and other semantic stop signals as manipulative.