Attachment: what it is and how it affects your relationships – Online Psychologists

Have you ever wondered How has your childhood influenced in the construction of the person you are today? If so, you will be interested in knowing what it is the attachmentone of the earliest foundations in the development of personality.

The term attachment refers to the emotional ties that are established between two peopleThis bond, which determines the way in which people relate to the outside world and to others, begins to develop already in the first months of life.

Attachment influences, first, the way the child perceives the world: with curiosity or fear; and, later, it will influence the way in which the adult will handle different situations in his or her life. Your behavior, the relationships you establish and your attitude towards the dangerous or unknown depend on the type of attachment you developed in childhood.

During the first months of a child's life, specifically in his first year, he establishes bonds of attachment with the person who is closest to him. These links provide him with securityso the child will be able to freely explore the world around him knowing that there will be someone protecting him from danger.

Although at first the baby will appreciate attention and comfort that everyone around him provides, he will soon begin to form a special bond with the person who cares for him the most. Then, the child may reject other people and become nervous if he is separated from the person with whom he has established the bond.

It is after reaching his first year, approximately when he reaches one and a half years, when the child stops reacting negatively to the absence of that person, because they begin to understand that this absence is temporary. This allows them to put aside the fear of loneliness, because they understand that the presence of that person will be constant most of the time.

However, if this is not the case and the child experiences loneliness, insecurity caused by the absence of parents and lack of protectionwill have difficulty developing this bond in a healthy way, which can cause problems not only during growth, but also in adult life.

Was John Bowlbya 20th-century child psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who, in studying the relationships between children and their caregivers, developed his attachment theoryFor Bowlby, the relationships that children experience in their infancy, and more specifically in their first months of life, determined the type of attachment they would develop.

If your parents (or, failing that, your caregivers) were unconditionally present in your childhood, you most likely developed the secure attachment.

Secure attachment is characterized, precisely, by a feeling of security caused by constant attention, close contact and resolution of needs.

If as a child you developed this type of attachment (the healthiest of all), you probably had no problem in explore the world around you, showing more curiosity than fear. When faced with difficult situations or feelings, children who experience secure attachment will be able to turn to their parents or caregivers for support. feel protected and, in their absence, they will experience a certain uneasiness that will pass once they return.

If you identify these constants in your childhood, you will surely not experience major problems when it comes to relate in a healthy way with others, prioritizing trust in your relationships.

This is a type of insecure attachment caused by distrust and insecurity. In this case Parents' presence is inconsistent and therefore the child is unable to distinguish whether they will be helped when faced with something that is dangerous or unknown. Children who are faced with this situation experience a certain nervousness when exploring their environment and will show great discomfort in the absence of their parents, caused by the uncertainty of not knowing whether they will return.

If you experienced these circumstances during childhood, perhaps as an adult you will have difficulties when it comes to relatingyou may suffer from emotional dependency and may even find it difficult to face your own feelings. In addition, you may regularly feel fear of rejection.

It occurs when children internalize the absence of a figure who can care for them and, then, they begin to distance themselves from what surrounds them. In situations of need, the child seeking protection may have experienced, or may have experienced, a absence total of the caregiver, or the contempt for its part. In this way, the fear caused by the vulnerabilitywill lead them to develop behaviors such as the absence of crying.

If you are an adult who has developed avoidant attachment, you may often suffer from a low self-esteem caused by lack of affection. In addition, you may have difficulty understanding emotionsboth your own and others', which will lead you to take refuge in the loneliness in order to avoid relationships with others.

When children suffer abuse and neglectexperience just the opposite of secure attachment: disorganized attachment. These children lack confidence in their authority figures and, faced with the impossibility of being self-sufficient on their own, experience the same nervousness in the presence as in the absence of these figures. Children who develop disorganized attachment tend to misbehave.

As an adult, You may be unable to manage your own emotionswhich will cause an apparent rejection towards relationships. You may also frequently experience rage and other negative feelings that make you more prone to suffer psychological disorders.

A correct development of attachment is essential for the correct construction of the person. This is because, during the first months of life, Attachment influences brain developmentalso conditioning adult life.

The different types of attachment insecure They can negatively affect many aspects of your life, such as self-esteem, attitude towards conflicts and establishing relationships with others.

On the contrary, the attachment sure will influence the development of positive emotions, such as security and trustand in the construction of a good self-concept that can justify good self-esteem.

If you are a parent looking to take the best possible care of your children, respond to your needsfostering trust, communication and understanding, will help them develop a secure attachment that will accompany them for the rest of their lives. If not, your child may experience attachment disorders during childhood, as well as various psychological problems.

Attachment disorders appear with the Anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment. This is an alteration that appears due to lack of attention by parents or caregivers.

In this way, when faced with difficult situations, the child will respond through behaviors that can be characterized by: fearhe rejection towards everything around them, or the gonnaIt is common for children with attachment disorders to behave in a destructive manner, as they may be unable to control their own impulses. In addition, they may have difficulty understanding what other adults say to them, due to the absence of the parental figure.

Lack of healthy attachment during childhood can lead to problems in adult lifeFear, isolation, emotional dependence, inability to manage one's own emotions, lack of self-esteem and low tolerance to frustration are just some of the behaviors that can come to light when attachment development is incorrect.

For example, in couple relationships, insecure attachment will cause emotional dependencethat is, the feeling that you need the other person to survive. This dependency, a product of the idealization of your partner, can lead you to experience the jealousy and the constant fear of a breakup. In the absence of a partner, you will experience great uneasiness and low self-esteem.

In the couple, it can also generate Lack of trust and lack of communicationcaused by the difficulty in expressing one's own emotions.

In addition, different types of insecure attachment have been linked to a greater tendency to suffer anxiety and mood disorders, such as bipolar disorder and the different types of depressive disorder.

The influence of attachment on the development of personality structure disorderssuch as borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder.

Attachment does not have to be constant: if you are a person with anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment, the influence of the environment can help you change it. All the relationships you establish with the outside world can modify the characteristics of your personality, improving your self-esteem.

Even if you have had insecure attachment relationships with your parents or caregivers, it does not mean that you are incapable of building a secure attachment with other figures. You may have been able to recognize the characteristics of insecure attachment in your childhood, but you do not find its consequences in adulthood: this is because Attachment can also be learned through healthy relationshipsbased on respect and safety.

If you identify in yourself the consequences of insecure attachment, but you are not able to find the solution, then the psychological therapy may be of help to you.

Given the difficulty in solving problems related to attachment, psychological therapy is the best solution.

Attachment begins to form in the first months of lifewhen the child is completely dependent on his parents and all those around him. You could say that attachment is the cement with which you began to build the house of your personality: over the years it has settled and you have built everything else on top of that base that is attachment, so modifying it on your own can be difficult.

However, a psychologist can help you in your search for a secure attachment. Try a free session with an online psychologist from our team and find out for yourself.

In therapy, the first step will be Finding the origin of your attachment problems: you will delve into your childhood to find out where insecurity, lack of self-esteem, rejection of others began to grow…