Are your children pushing you to the limit? Take back control with… communication! – Online Psychologists

The children are going out on the street in stages, while the rest of us have to continue to be patient and, above all, try to cultivate good communication, which is also essential in the relationship between parents and children.

Obviously yes, since it helps children to develop self-confidencewhile improving their relationships with others, making life more pleasant for both parents and children. In this way, when children become adults they will have a better ability to communicate with others.

Good communication between parents and children is important because interpersonal relationships are warm and lead to good self-esteem. On the other hand, if there were poor communication, relationships with others would end up being frustrating, producing conflicts and feelings of worthlessness.

Therefore, it is necessary that you help your child to communicate well because he will do it better when he is an adult.

Children need to feel that their parents accept them as they are. This way they can grow properly and change and feel good about themselves, increasing the possibility of improving their relationships with family and others.

When parents accept their children as they are, it is easier to communicate with them. Children are more willing to share their emotions or problems, and both parents and children benefit.

As an example, we can say that if parents threaten their children with punishment repeatedly, the child will end up thinking “I am worthless”; if parents address them only by giving orders, the children could think “I am bad” or, when parents give sermons or reproach, the child says “my parents do not love me” or “I do nothing well”.

First of all, give them the opportunity to tell you more, to share their feelings and ideas. Children will feel truly listened to and understood, they will see that what they say is important and that they are accepted and respected within the family.

To follow the children, at the beginning of the conversation, we can say: “I see”, “tell me more”, “what do you think if?”

From here, we must pay attention to what children tell us. To do this, we must stop what we were doing, or listen to them while we do some daily task. In reality, children do not need much time to communicate all their emotions, their enthusiasm and their desire to do things, and we have all surely been able to see this.

But these days, maybe we are teleworking and the children come storming into the room to tell us about the latest adventure of their favorite superhero. The right way is not to say “no, not now” and kick them out of the room. Most children will not understand why they can talk to you one moment and then another. Therefore, it is more correct to say “see? I am busy now but you can tell me everything later.” Of course, you must do it afterwards because children have very good memories.

These types of messages are those that They describe children's feelings and what enables them to express their problems or negative emotions.which helps them disappear.

On the contrary, when children cannot express their problems or negative emotions, they end up somatizing the latter and causing headaches, abdominal pain, feelings of self-loathing, etc.

An example of this type of message would be: you are angry because they didn't let you play.

Types of messages that indicate to children how your parents feel about your behaviorIn this case, it is true that young children, if they misbehave, do not know how their behavior will affect their family, so “I messages” are better than “you messages.”

The “I-messages” allow the child to change his own behavior; so, for example, if the parent says “I see some scribbles that I don't like on the homework,” the child can choose to erase them or leave them as they are.

If you are angry with your child, do not use “I-messages” to express your anger because this will only make your child feel confused, disappointed and insecure.

It is important to use these messages to communicate the emotion that we felt before the anger; for example, your child had a tantrum in the street and made you have a bad time. Do not say “I am very angry with you” because the child perceives it as a negative message “mommy is angry with me”. But if you have waited until you get home, he may not relate it to his tantrum. You can say, in the street, “we are having a bad time” and then the child will understand that what mom says is due to his behaviour and it will be possible for him to walk normally.

Children should be told “do” more often than “don’t.” Although it is often difficult, it will ultimately improve the relationship between children and parents. After all, your children are the most important people in your life and you should use the same rules as you would with other people who are equally important to you as parents.

An example would be: Please close the door slowly. Don't slam the door.

When we talk “with” children, the conversation is between the children and us, as parents, but when we talk “to” children, the flow of the conversation is only from us, the parents, to our children.

Parents who talk to children often say that they cannot hold a conversation like an adult, but this is not true. We must remember that children do not like to be spoken to in this way; they are also people.

Talking to your children and then listening to what they have to say are habits that are formed at a very early age, but which, when they become teenagers, provide them with great benefits.

If you have several children, it is important to call each one by their name before you start talking to them, because this way they will pay more attention to you and you will save time, repetitions and the resulting frustration of not feeling listened to.

Children find it better obey only one order at a time. Instead, it is difficult for them to remember a list of things that they have just asked for, all at once, such as: “Go to the kitchen, tell dad to give you the tablecloth and give your sister the glasses, come and give them to me, and we will set the table.” This would cause your child to get confused and ask his parents for the glasses while his sister – who we assume is older to take the glasses – gives him the tablecloth. Therefore, it is better to make requests one by one to avoid confusion.

The tone of voice should be appropriate to the message you want to give to children, especially if you ask them or explain important things to them. This is when you should speak firmly and tell your children the reason for what you are asking them because children always need a reason and that way they understand better.

Timing is important; if your child is playing with his siblings, he will pay little or no attention to you. At the same time, he will not like it when you interrupt him, which will also reduce his attention span.

Be kind, because in the end, you will be raising kind adults. Ask for things in a low, warm tone of voice, in which the child feels that you care more about him than about what you are asking him to do or not do.

Children are great imitators and the family is a primary socializing agent, where they will learn important values. If you use “thank you”, “please”, “sorry” more often, you are giving them a good example. Children learn more by example than by words.

When spoken to in a nice way, the family is less happy and when harsh words are used, the family dynamics are affected. Avoid all words that can make children feel awkward, ridicule them, embarrass them or make them feel unloved.For example, if your little child has dropped the ice cream you just bought him on the floor and you tell him “you are a clumsy and bad boy,” your child will not feel loved by you and, over time, will stop loving himself.

Kind words help your child behave better and pay more attention to things. This is because you communicate love and respect and you all live in an environment where if there is a problem, you can talk openly until you find a solution. In the example above, you could say, “It’s okay, next time we’ll pay more attention to the curb. Would you like another ice cream?”

Eye contact improves communication. If you have a small child, and you look down on him, he imagines you as a giant, just like in his stories. To minimize distance and size, having eye contact will help because it will improve communication.

In a world where we were in such a hurry, many times, we did not have time to listen well to our children. It is necessary to have this time to listen to them, from beginning to end, without interrupting them, and to praise them at the end because this will improve their self-esteem.

If we interrupt them, tell them that we are in a hurry, that they will tell us later, or let them tell us but we constantly interrupt them and criticize them, the child will feel unloved, that we do not care and their self-esteem will decrease.