Jealousy does not demonstrate love – Online Psychologists

Jealousy is a emotional response present in practically all cultures and societies. They are presented as a response to the fear of losing something that we believe belongs to us and that we appreciate very much.

So not only are there the jealousy in the coupleThey can also occur between family members, friends, coworkers, etc.

But the jealousy that has filled the most songs, books, stories, myths and crime pages of numerous newspapers and magazines is jealousy towards one's partner. Not to mention, of course, the psychological consultationsWe tell you from our experience as online psychologists how to approach this issue.

Human beings are possessive by nature. We try to appropriate of what surrounds us, keep it for ourselves and enjoy it as and when we want.

But in a relationship, it is not only what one wants or desires that counts, it should count what one feels. both need and, above all, mutual trust. In other words, for a relationship to work well, a balance is needed between what both partners want. Therefore, I should not think of my partner as a possession that I can enjoy whenever I feel like it, but rather as a person who is with me freely and voluntarily and who, therefore, has his or her own life, his or her own needs and his or her own life goals.

There are many people who think that Your partner belongs to youwho have rights over them. When this happens, the idea of ​​losing the partnerthat the bond is affected or that there is a competitor outside the relationship, jealousy appears.

The jealous person feels a deep pain at the prospect of losing their most prized possession and will act accordingly, attempting to take any kind of action they think will keep their partner tied to their side.

Many people report that They didn't know they were jealous until they found “the love of their life.” In other words, these people claim that they had not had any problems with jealousy in previous relationships, but that when they met a person they really fell in love with, they began to feel that feeling of distrust and discomfort.

They can be apparently very self-confident people, from any social class and with any type of education. Suddenly they feel that the person they are with is theirs and they do not want to lose them.

This might seem like a full-blown declaration of love: «I love you so much that I'm terrified of losing you». This is what movies, books and songs have sold us. And it is true, this statement can seem very romantic and, in fact, it is nice if it does not go further. The problem appears when, supported by this statement, the person begins to exert excessive control over their partner, with the excuse that they do not want to lose them.

From time to time it is normal to feel little jealousyif our partner dresses up too much to go to a party to which we have not been invited, or if he or she goes on a trip with a friend, but this jealousy should not lead to arguments nor should it be used as a weapon later on. This would be the jealousy that we could call «normal».

But what might have started as a declaration of love can mutate into a true love affair. extremely self-destructive pathology.

People who are extremely jealous – in some areas of psychology it is called celotype This disorder causes people to live in constant anxiety and unhappiness. Fears and suspicions that the other person is cheating on them cause an increase in anxiety that affects all levels.

Once jealousy has reached this point level of unreality and the jealous person's control, all his behaviors will begin to be directed towards the goal of lowering the levels of anxiety caused by the thought that his partner is being unfaithful. In this way, a obsessive spiral of control: control of the partner's friends, control of communications, control of physical appearance, etc. Although this control may slightly reassure the jealous person, the couple is usually seriously affected, since one of the main foundations on which the relationship rests is being altered: mutual trust.

On the other hand, when The couple feels controlled and feels that he is losing his freedom, he has two options: try to stop the jealous person or try to regain his freedom by lying. Although it may seem untrue, the second option is quite common and, of course, does not lead to anything good, since often the jealous person discovers some of the lies of his partner and this only increases distrust and gives him arguments that support his theory of infidelity and, therefore, it becomes necessary to increase control.

Jealousy, as we have seen so far, often suffers from a progressive escalation In the relationship, the more you let it go, the more they feed on it and the harder it will be to control them in the future.

In general, the motto is that if your partner is jealous but you can maintain your freedom and autonomyare jealousy that the couple can live with, although if you think that it can start to escalate, the recommendation is that you find a solution. The moment you feel that you have to stop doing things If you were doing things (going out with your friends, seeing your family, working, etc.) to avoid your partner getting angry or making a scene, you should think things over.

Couples in which one member has pathological jealousy They tend to be couples with few social interactions, and if they do, it is always because of the jealous person. They tend to argue for any reason, since any gesture, look or movement made by the jealous person can be the cause of a jealous attack on the part of the jealous person.

If you have reached this point, especially if there is physical violence, It is important that you ask for helpIn Spain you can ask for help calling 016They will advise you and help you overcome this situation free of charge. Remember that abuse is not just hitting or insulting you; restricting your freedom and “locking you up at home” can also be considered psychological abuse.

If you identify with these signs, you should start thinking about put the situation in the hands of a specialist. It may not be so extreme now, but it is beginning to affect the couple's coexistence. The recommendation is to go to a therapist specialized in couples issues so that he or she can help the jealous person deal with his or her feelings and the jealous person overcome the couple crisis caused by jealousy.

When jealousy has reached a pathological state Treatment is difficult and laborious, but there are possibilities. The problem with pathological jealousy is that, when a cure is sought for it, the relationship of the couple is usually so affected that recovering trust and harmony will be an arduous process.

In any case, jealousy Yes, they can be prevented, and we can even rely on a couples therapist for this.If you have identified jealous behaviour in yourself or your partner, but the situation has not yet become unbearable, you should go to a specialist who can redirect the relationship and feelings and thus prevent jealousy from becoming pathological. Above all, do not let the subject go. It is important that you communicate what you think and work together to find a solution.

The treatment has a lot to do with the Restoring trust in the relationship and with work on self-confidence, both for the jealous person and the jealous person. Work must be done so that, once again, each member of the couple has their own space for personal and individual growth, in addition to that of common growth.

With a good education in values ​​such as tolerance and respector in the understanding and recognition of the rights of others, excessive jealous reactions can also be avoided.