In recent weeks, quite a few people have come to the consultation who have stopped trust in themselvesSome of them appear to have everything, but they no longer believe in themselves. Others, at first glance, seem to have fewer resources and less experience in life. However, they are looking for very similar things.
They want learn to be safe, not to tremble at the question of a stranger or an authority figure, to rush to defend their project against all those who say they will never achieve it.
It seems complicated, but in reality it only takes trust. Trusting yourself is the first step to achieving your aspirations. It doesn't matter if you want to study a degree, find a job or fulfil a dream. If you put enough patience, determination, work and passion into it, you will be closer to achieving it.
Even so, sometimes it won't come true, but at least you will have developed a set of values that will push you to keep trying.
What is self-confidence?
Trusting yourself involves Knowing your own worthyour ability and your power, regardless of your situation. As you can imagine, confidence and security are closely related.
When you work on trust, you also work on calm, serenity, awareness of yourself and the moment you are living. Working on your own values It is essential for a good self-concept, and therefore, good self-esteem, confidence and security.
Imagine this: you are preparing for an exam that seems to never come and during that time you work on a series of values. patience, the ability to overcome and sacrifice, tenacity, will, the ability to work…
But when the day of the exam comes, you fail. Should you stop believing in yourself? Not at all! After all, there is only one day of the exam and there is a chance that it will not be your best day, because you are human. And besides, The values you have trained during the process will stay with you and will allow you to trust yourself if you decide to run again.
Self-confidence is often related to having certain knowledge and skills, whether innate or acquired. Does that mean that if you don't have certain skills you will never be able to trust yourself? Not at all! A person without any prior skills or abilities can still have good self-confidence and, therefore, good self-esteem.
However, self-confidence is also influenced by the environment. Unfortunately, it is not always the case that one is lucky enough to grow up in a environment that fosters self-confidenceIn this case, you will need to take actions that allow you to strengthen your self-esteem and trust in yourself.
If you don't know how to learn to trust yourself, maybe it's time to put yourself in the hands of an online psychologist.
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Can you lose self-confidence?
Yes, of course! How? I'll tell you:
- Because of childhood experiences
Self-confidence and self-esteem begin to build in childhoodalthough they last throughout life and, therefore, we can strengthen them.
There are many environments that can promote a lack of self-confidence. For example, an environment where your parents have not given you positive reinforcement (i.e. they used to tell you what you did wrong, but never what you did right). Or where your abilities have never been highlighted. Or where there has been a comparison with others.
In any of these cases, when you reach adulthood, you focus on your weaknesses. You don't know how to find your strengths and you minimize everything you do well. It is common for you to say things like “I have had good luck” or “X has helped me”. In this way you lose security, your self-esteem decreases and, therefore, your self-confidence.
- Due to excessive self-criticism
The self-criticism It is surely one of the most common causes of losing self-confidence.
We all make mistakes almost every day. There will always be something you are better at, and other things you are worse at. It's natural.
However, when you have little belief in yourself You tend to interpret failure as a failureyou blame yourself and get caught up in a loop of negative thoughts like “everything goes wrong for me”, “I’m good for nothing”, “I’ll never do anything right”, “I always screw everything up”… Thoughts that negatively influence your self-esteem and cause it to decrease.
Likewise, self-confidence and self-assurance also decrease. And, at the same time, Increased discouragement, anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings of guilt.
People around you, with the best of their will, give you advice and sometimes they want to make decisions for you.
However, it is you who can choose the path you want to takeknowing that if you make a mistake you will learn something productive from it, because it will be a consequence of your own decision. The simple fact of making your own decisions will leave you with personal values that will increase your self-concept, and therefore, your self-esteem and self-confidence.
On the contrary, If you depend on the opinion of others, it will be more difficult for you to focus on what you want, which will inevitably decrease your security.
Remember that, to be a more confident person, you only depend on yourself and the attitude you have towards the difficulties you may encounter.
Guidelines to trust yourself more and better
- Make a list of all the achievements you have achieved so far. Write down what you've excelled at, no matter how small. Maybe you're a whiz at assembling furniture, or maybe you're the best at organizing your friends' parties. Anything goes on this list, so don't forget it. Once you've got it, try to figure out what skills are needed to achieve those accomplishments. Finally, write down everything you'd admire about yourself if you didn't know yourself.
- Set realistic goals and achievable objectives that allow you to get out of your comfort zone. Remember that goals must be clear, specific and realistic. It is not worth having a goal of “I want to be happy”, because that is a non-specific goal. Change it to “I want to be happy doing this particular thing”. Then be prepared to work hard to achieve it and don’t give up even if it gets difficult. If your goal is too complicated, break it down into several smaller goals.
- Don't blame yourself for making mistakes. We all do it. Persevere on your path, even if it's difficult. Remember that making mistakes is natural when it's your first time doing something or when you're facing difficult goals.
- Increase your self-concept. To do this, challenge any negative thoughts that enter your mind, such as “I am useless,” by identifying all of your abilities. For example, if you say to yourself, “No one talks to me because no one likes me,” try rephrasing it as “It is difficult for me to approach people, but I am going to make an effort to socialize more.”
- Proactivity. Do things on your own time and be well organized. This will give you more time for yourself and increase your self-confidence.
- Say what you feel assertively. Don't be silent when you want to give your opinion. Show yourself and others that you are capable of maintaining control of the situation and expressing your needs and desires. And if you tend to worry about what others are thinking about you or your work, ask assertively. It helps you improve your self-confidence.
- Pay attention to your emotions, We rarely stop to listen to our emotions, but expressing emotions is valid and necessary to increase self-confidence. So if you are sad, cry and if you are happy, laugh. All your emotions are part of you and you must accept them as they are.
- No to destructive criticism. Listen to all constructive criticism, because it brings values that will increase your confidence. However, stay away from those who give you destructive criticism and don't give it either, because it is an inappropriate use of your energy.
- Take care of yourself. Not only physically but also psychologically: eat a healthy diet, maintain good sleep patterns, do some exercise… And, of course, go to a psychologist if necessary.
- Fall in love with yourself. No, I'm not saying that you should become self-centered, not at all! But to increase your self-confidence, you need to recognize your abilities and skills and accept them. Work on your values and strengths.
- Ask for professional help If you are still not a person with enough confidence or self-assurance, going to a psychologist can help you.
At we have been helping patients from all over the world find their well-being since 2012. We were pioneers in offering online therapy and that is why we know that it is an economical, but equally effective, alternative to traditional therapies.
To date, more than 1,600 people have turned to us to find an online psychologist. If you also want to try our services, you can request a consultation First session free by clicking the button below.