Daniel, 32 years old, an architect of renowned reputation, who is regularly interviewed by the media whenever an expert in his field was needed, was – or thought he was – having a particularly sweet time on a professional and personal level.
However, if he was in my office that afternoon it was -only- because he needed my opinion on whether His stress level affected his cognitive abilitiesvolitional or emotional, which would have or could have clouded his own decisions taken in a certain context. On the other hand, Daniel wanted to ask me if, according to objective data, it could be said that he was in a success phase or if it is all a false perception on your part.
What is success?
It is a positive but complex fact, defined as the achievement of a desired goalThis implies that in order to reach such a goal, the subject must have previously designed a plan and objectives and sub-goals that will allow him to achieve it. It is important that this design is correct, given that if we make a mistake in the direction of our goal or even in the goal itself, rectifying it will take time and costs, whether at a professional, personal, family or emotional level.
Success, pressure and envy
When we say that someone like Daniel is successful, we generally refer to his socio-professional sphere, although, in reality, having “success in life” is something much broader that involves everything from small to larger issues, but all of them equally significant for the subject.
However, as I have already said, success is a complex factor that has aspects ranging from negative to disastrous and can be due to multiple factors:
- Loss of desire to continue growing. In other words: I have reached my goal, my comfort zone, and here I am. It is not a bad approach, but it does not challenge me, it does not seek a sense of learning and development.
- Greater responsibility. If Daniel is a successful person, a stumble will not be looked upon favorably. Probably, even his colleagues would be capable of leaving him aside, without any dialogue, if this supposed stumble occurred. Of course, when it was proven that Daniel had nothing to do with it, everyone would not have the courage to say that “it had been a mistake”… or not…
- Not being able to withstand pressure of success. Despite the benefits that people like Daniel can obtain, he cannot bear to give up and abandon his career at the height of his success. It is a difficult choice to make for various reasons. These are people who are passionate about their career, who do not give up easily and who often face setbacks. Despite this, each person is different and it is true that there are individuals who spend half their lives seeking success, but then cannot bear the pressures.
- Greater exposure. Daniel – as a representation of the successful individual – stands out from the rest. We could talk about Solomon’s Syndrome here. As envy is a “national sport” today I want to refer to something very curious about crabs… Yes, yes, you read that right, I wrote crabs. What do crabs have to do with humans and, even more so, with success? Much more than it may seem!
Bucket of Crabs Syndrome and Success
If we put a crab in a bucket, the crustacean tries to get out of the bucket. But if we put many crabs in the bucket, then none of them get out because if one of them tries, the others grab it and pull it down to prevent it from “escaping”, that is, from “succeeding in its escape” from the bucket. If we transfer all this to Group Psychology, each crustacean is each one of us, so that if we fall or sink in our attempt to reach our goal, we will get up and keep trying. But if we are in a group – let’s say, in Daniel’s case, other professionals trying to reach the same goal, that is, the same level of success – there is always someone willing to stop him and to include him again in the uniform mass of people, among whom there is no one outstanding.
So, the crab basket syndrome occurs when someone is trying to get out of an unfavorable situation – let’s imagine that Daniel is in a conflictive situation because a client feels that his house has not turned out as originally designed – then, the people around him – for example, his company – will not only not support him, but will do everything possible to prevent him from being able to overcome the situation. In some way, others have negative attitudes towards the successful person or, in other words, instead of being happy, they take advantage of the opportunity to say things like “I told myself how good it couldn’t be”.
And this syndrome also occurs in groups – from communities, social groups, associations to entire countries – However, we have all – at some time – been crabs; when we have told that friend that diets were of no use to her, or we have tried to get that other person out of jogging's head because it was nonsense or when we wanted to take on a new objective and we have been told that it was not worth it, that it was a field that had no way out… can we all recognize ourselves as crabs?
What are the causes of Crab Basket Syndrome?
It is also multifactorial but we could highlight:
- Envy. Reaction mechanism against the success of a person close to us or with whom we have some relationship, whether social or professional. The success of that person – if it is not accompanied by a comparatively equal success on our part – supposes, in some way, that we see ourselves as a certain failure.
- Law of the Mirror. If we observe that this same person – in our case, Daniel – is making an effort to maintain his professional success, it puts us in front of our “mirror” in which we see ourselves reflected as not doing anything that will lead us to said success, or to maintain it, which will make us feel bad, frustrated, and, normally, we will end up reacting by trying to sabotage Daniel’s success, that is, by joining those crabs that have some power to take him to the bottom of the bucket of crabs.
How to deal with bucket of crabs syndrome?
It depends on what position you are in:
- If you are the “crab” that pulls other crabs down If you feel bad that another person – whether close or not – wants to improve, succeeds, do not blame him/her; that person has no problem, on the contrary, he/she is doing well with his/her plan, but you do have a real problem which will not be solved until you learn to rejoice in the successes of others because they leave a path that anyone – you too – can follow.
- If other “crabs” try to pull you down Even if it is difficult, even if it is very difficult, try to understand, do not try to convince them because they think they are doing the right thing and you know they are wrong and that everyone must choose their own path; therefore, be firm, keep climbing, never let them sink you because they cannot do it.
But didn't they say that success was part of happiness?
No, let's not kid ourselves! Success not only does not always bring happiness, but often brings moments of deep unhappiness. Paradoxical, isn't it?
In reality, everything works the other way around; if we are happy, we are charged with positive emotions, and we do our work being more optimistic, confident of reaching the goal, active, sociable and proactive and, therefore, we are more open to having success whether professionally, family-wise or socially because we like ourselves and others like us more – which, however, will not prevent us from either Solomon Syndrome or the Crab Basket Syndrome – However, this loop does not work the other way around.
So what do I do if I succeed?
Try to keep your balance. Life is wise and, little by little, it will teach you “who no, who yes and who never” but you must continue on your path, without resentment, without more disappointments because you decide to hold on tight to your life and live it, independently of what others think or don’t think of you, because the time comes when you must set limits since they cannot continue to hurt you indefinitely for the simple fact that you do your job passionately and your reward is success.
Despite all this, never think that success is the center of your life because – all those who have had a second chance to live will tell you – most of the time, the beauty of the most magical moments is found in those smallest details, those that often escape us, but also in the heart of the family, the couple or health. Because without it, there is no possible work and, therefore, no possible success.
We should not stigmatize successful people either, but rather use it as a mechanism to boost their self-esteem, which will encourage them to continue developing and growing, and therefore, being more successful… despite the “crabs” that pull them into the bucket.
What is a successful person like?
Taking into account individual differences – as presented by the Psychology of Individual Differences – most successful people have a set of typical traits:
- Long working hoursBut they don't care because their job is their passion, they want to be successful at it and, for that reason, they work as hard as it takes.
- Experience. This is only acquired over time. Most research indicates that the average is 10 years before success, but it is also true that there are those who achieve it earlier, hence the discrepancies between studies.
- Significant failures. Most people who are currently successful have had resounding failures throughout their career. It is important to fail,“…falls seven times, Get up eight…», Although it may seem contradictory because, every fall, puts us at a crossroads; do we sit on the stone and continue crying for what could have been and was not? Or do we get up, put a band-aid on the “bump” and continue with even more strength? The majority chooses the second option because the first only leads to the “crabs” ending up sinking them to the bottom of the bucket. To give a real example, the first novel of the super famous Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers before the publisher that accepted it saw how it became a multimillion-dollar success worldwide. What must the other 12 publishers think, who had it on their table and rejected it?
- Self-efficacySuccessful people are those who have learned, since childhood, through their parents, that with effort, tenacity and perseverance, everything can be achieved. This has been because their parents have taught them that if you want something, go for it, with all your strength, working hard, because you know you can do it, that you can achieve it and you have to know how to master your fears.
How do I know if I'm at my best?
Each…