When we talk about boundaries We imagine a line that we cannot cross. We are clear about what the goals are. physical limitsbut what about the emotional boundaries? These latter are undoubtedly more difficult to establish.
We are not talking about self-demand
The word limit is already wrapped in a negative connotation that we have to forget about. Limits are necessary to avoid going beyond what is sensible. That does not mean demanding more from oneself, but rather that find a balanceIn fact, not setting limits can lead to psychological exhaustion and dissatisfaction.
Some healthy boundaries They are capable of structuring our lives better. We will be able to identify what is good for us and what is not. We do not like restrictions or barriers, but these rules or norms are what, later on, make us take advantage of our time and grow as people.
The world is the will to power – and nothing else. And you yourself are the will to power – and nothing else. Friedrich Nietzsche
Steps to establish those limits
Getting your life and routine in order is good.
- The first thing is identify which aspects of our lives need limits.
- Experience If you are not able to guess what those healthy rules might be, we cannot know in advance what is right for ourselves, but what we can do is try. From schedules or routines, decisions, sport, food, money, work…
- It should be noted that eIt is better to set a few coherent limits than too many that create chaos.
- Don't blame yourself if you don't follow those rules you set for yourself. We need to be self-compassionate. The academic field is a good example. Imagine that you haven't studied the History subject you were planning to learn today. You can complain, feel bad about yourself and despair. Another option (the recommended one) is to stop for a second to think about what happened (I didn't have time to study today) and what you can do (next day I have to study for an extra hour or I have to make outlines to learn that subject faster). Being too demanding will only cause us tension and frustration.
- Look for other factors to support you. If you are interested in studying and are serious about it, you can meet someone at a library or uninstall social media to avoid distractions and make sure you stick to your goals.
Many times we don't do what we set out to do because we convince ourselves that it doesn't matter, because we believe we can do anything or because we let ourselves get carried away.
Example for better understanding
When in the first step we talk about Identify why we need limitswe must take into account that we are going to refer to those aspects of daily life that give us problems, that cause us conflicts. It could be work, our love relationship, studies…
Let's take relationships as an example. How do we set limits in them?
- Don't be afraid of say no» in case of disagreement or «yes» when we feel like doing something.
- Do not allow manipulation or blackmail
- Do not allow disrespect
- Do not allow destructive opinions
- Not wanting to meet the expectations of others. Each person is a world and each couple carries out their relationship as they wish.
- SKnowing that you have the right to have your space and privacy
If we take these aspects into account before starting (or during) a relationship, you will be a self-confident person who will know how to avoid toxicity in the relationship or even decide to end the relationship.
It is about establishing guidelines that make our lives easier and avoiding anything that complicates it.
Remember that these limits have to serve to lead a healthier and fuller life, so they must go hand in hand with our values and, thus, successfully achieve our goals.
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