When the relationship with children has been bad for a long time, It is normal for parents to want to get back in touch. After all, you are family, and the bond between a parent and their child is special. However, there are certain things to think about before the first contact.
The reasons why a relationship with one's children suffers can be many and varied: from a lack of affection and attention to behaviors that the other person has decided to no longer tolerate.
Your child may have decided to cut off the relationship because feels emotionally hurt and disappointed with you. Therefore, if you want to get back in touch, you should go little by little, leaving time and space for the other person to decide when they feel ready. Below, we give you some advice on how you can act to get back in touch with your children.
How to recover the relationship with children if there is zero contact?
- Find the problemBefore you contact your child again, find the problem that led you to this situation and reflect on it. You don't decide to distance yourself for any reason. It's best to make an internal criticism and reach a conclusion that allows you to move on to a solution to the conflict.
- Take responsibility. Accept your actions and ask for forgiveness. Being aware of the facts or behaviors that have led you to lose the relationship with your children will not only help you identify the problem and be able to reflect on it and on your relationship. It will also allow you to understand it and ask for forgiveness by letting your son or daughter know that you are sorry.
- Put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand their point of view and how they might feel. This way you will better understand the other person's position. Also, if you get back in touch, it will be easier to reflect and therefore discuss the problem.
- Show him/her that you want to get back in the relationship. It's good that you want to reconnect with your children. This shows that you love and care for them, which will be positive for a possible recovery. However, they may not want to resume contact immediately. In this case, you should accept this or give them time to think about it and change their mind, if they wish.
- Don't overwhelm them. Let them decide whether or not to resume the relationship. If they decide that it's time and they're ready, don't constantly keep an eye on them by calling or texting them, as this can make them feel overwhelmed and back off.
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How to act if we get a first contact
If we manage to maintain the first contact or meet for the first time, it is also important that we take into account the delicate situation that we and the other person are facing.
- Show interest and your desire to improve thingsIt is important that you show remorse for your behavior and desire to resume and reestablish a bond.
- Speak calmly. Whether it's a phone call or a face-to-face meeting, keep the conversation calm and engaging. Don't let anger get the better of you, it will only make things worse and your child may feel attacked or that things haven't changed, that there is no real repentance.
- Let him express himselfYou have reestablished contact, which is a good start, but let him or her express his or her feelings first, how he or she has felt, how he or she feels now, and how he or she sees the situation.
- Go little by littleThe distance between you has been caused by a significant loss of trust, so you should resume contact little by little, give him time and space so that he feels ready to go further and further. Otherwise, you could overwhelm him and contact might not be resumed. It is good that you show him your desire to talk again, to hear from him and to be concerned, but do not pester him. Let the situations happen little by little, let the plans emerge, let him be the one to propose them, with time he may show a desire to spend time with you again and be able to make amends.
Can going to therapy help me reconnect with my children?
You are going through a complicated situation that is surely causing you pain and anguish and this can translate over time into negative consequences for your mental and physical health. Dealing with a psychology professional is the best option to be able to cope with all these emotions that overwhelm you and be able to manage them little by little.
In addition, a psychologist can help you not only to learn to control these emotions, but also to learn to take the necessary steps little by little to reestablish contact, to be able to accept and manage the other person's decisions, and to remain calm in this situation even if it may cause you stress.
It is very important be patient and empathetic With the other person in these cases, give them time even if you want a quick response and an immediate solution. Therapy can help you work through the wait, the anxiety or stress that it may cause you and how to manage it.
At the same time, the other person would also benefit from going to therapy to be able to deal with their emotions. Both to deal with the issue that has caused the distance between you, and also to manage the resumption of that contact. With the help of several sessions, you can deal with this whole process and it can help you feel ready or not to take the next step after accepting and overcoming the cause that has caused it.
Once you have reestablished your relationship, it may be a good idea to continue with therapy, as it will help you to continue managing your emotions after a difficult time when there is still not complete trust. As well as carrying out joint therapy where you can reinforce or rebuild that trust and bond.
In Psychia We have a great team of psychologists who can help you, more than 1600 people have already contacted us. Contact us and make an appointment for an online therapy session, The first information session is free.