It is often said that love makes the world go round. It is one of the emotions that motivates human beings to keep going and to be better each time, but that does not mean that love is free of problems. You may be surprised to know that there are people who are afraid of love, but it is totally true. The word used to describe love is love. fear of love is «philophobia».
It is increasingly common to find people who are single out of conviction. People who do not need to establish a formal relationship to achieve happiness. But there are also people who choose solitude not out of conviction, but out of fear.
Love in modern times
Societies change and, with them, the concept of romantic love changes. The National Institute of Statistics (INE) indicates that the average age of Spaniards when they get married had gone from 26 to 36 years. And it is not only the age for marriage that has been delayed: the age of emancipation from the family home has increased by nine years, going from 36 to 46 years. 25 to 34 years old.
This alone makes evident the change of trend in modern societies. Each time have more love relationshipsbut these are increasingly brief and volatile.
One of the main reasons that makes it difficult to jump into living together is the economic crisisHowever, fear of commitment or philophobia can also be key factors in these phenomena.
Nowadays, love is disposable. Modernity rejects everything that lasts and the triumph of short relationships. As soon as we see any flaw in that relationship, we close the chapter and move on to the next page with astonishing ease.
The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman He claims that the crisis of human relations is a faithful reflection of the precariousness that exists in the world.Liquid love It has the same mechanisms as the labour market: short contracts to satisfy a series of needs. We satisfy our desire to love with several people in a short space of time.
What is philophobia?
Although the context influences the poor success of romantic relationships, sometimes it is the people themselves who establish barriers and walls to avoid falling in love. Negative experiences are often a major reason for rejecting love and also one of the main causes of philophobia.
This type of fear has consequences. No matter how comfortable you may be with a person,The fear of love will prevent you from making any commitment. For these people, the loss of freedom and the impossibility of trying experiences with other people are the biggest concerns when having a stable relationship.
But philophobia does not simply stop at rejecting commitment and constant liquid relationships. It is a phobia and, as such, it produces a anxiety response in the face of the main fear, in this case sentimental commitment. In the most extreme cases, philophobia can translate into avoidance of close relationships with friends or family.
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What are the causes of fear of love?
The experiences in the field of love They play a fundamental role in our way of seeing love. If we have suffered problems regarding infidelity, for example, the trust in our future partners can start to be damaged from the beginning.
One of the most common reasons, very present in people who have low self-esteem, is the fear of rejection and abandonmentThe solution they see to future rejection is to avoid a future romantic relationship.
Childhood experiences can also be the cause of the phobia. At this stage of life we establish our first relationships and we look to our tutors for references on what love is and how we should express it.
If the relationship with reference figures is not healthy, learned toxicity will mark future relationships and even lead us to reject any relationship.
Recommendations to solve philophobia
- Review and investigate: Check out the situations that can trigger anxiety attacks. By knowing how they manifest, we will know how to act.
- Explain your emotions: Share your opinions and feelings with the people around you. They can provide solutions to problems that are perhaps easier to manage from a distance.
The fear of commitment and leading a life as a couple is often fueled by a belief in the myth of romantic love, which can have harmful effects on your relationships. comparison between what should be and what is can produce harmful effects on your relationships, leading to the appearance of toxicity.
If you can't overcome your fear of love, a mental health professional can help you do so.
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